"WAKE UP!"

Ah damn. Morning again, sun shining right in my eyes. I am SO not a morning person.

Up and at 'em, bounce bounce bounce. Refuel, brush hair, dress, finish homework. Okay. All set for school? Books, check. Clothes, check. Braid, check. Breasts, check. A-ok. Let's go.

Bounce bounce out of the house. Feel His presence, mmm, so lifegiving. A pity we can't be together 24/7, oh, why do I have to look so much older than He does? Not fair, Suppi-chan can hang around Him, but I gotta...

Click on the image
for a larger view

Oh. Oh oh oh oh. Ohhhhhhh baby. Cutie is there. With Angel. Gotta go gotta go gotta go!

BouncebounceRUN over to my yummy. Black hair, somber expression. Blech. Wipe that look OFF your face, sonny-boy, 'cause it's time to...

GLOMP!

"Ara, Touya! Carry my schoolbooks, act in my play, be my snugglybuns, eat me, drink me, suck my juices (okay, maybe not that one, not in public) etc etc etc? Onegai shimasu with pickled beets on top?!" Or whatever the hell I'm saying. I just let whatever I'm babbling babble as I cling on to Cutie. Mmm. The ENERGY! Mein Gott, he's a turbine! And I can't get ANY of it, it is SO NOT FAIR, he...

Aha. Contact.

Got him.

Soft, wounded eyes gaze through round glasses. Sweet, resigned smile. He says something, can't catch what in those itty-bitty husky tones.

And he walks off.

ARGH!

Damn, damn, damn! What a NINNY! Here I am, clinging like a limpet (mmm, warm, yowza), just vibrating with all this stuff Cutie-pie has...and Angel-boy just walks away!

I so do not get it.

Okay. So Angel's running over, spilling over, exuding love and tenderness for the young fellow I've got an iron grip on...and he won't DO ANYTHING! You're not supposed to...I mean...he's got so much...I mean...sheesh. If I can be going through all this for someone who doesn't really mean that much to me (except he does. Well, he doesn't, but...oh baby), then how can Angel-face not so much as drop a pinfeather for him?

Yue! What in His name are you playing at?! No, don't give me that, don't just stare at me with that philosopher's gaze and shrug and smile and snarf down about twelve hotdogs (you idiot. You don't have to do that, he's RIGHT HERE! you don't need that human crap!). Have you gone totally insane? Don't you have even the slightest streak of possessiveness in your body? Don't you want to just grab him and cuddle him and eat him up and...

...oh, sorry. I guess I am cutting off Touya's circulation. Cutie looks a mite pissed off.

Hee.

Schoolbell rings, yadda yadda. Go to class, blow off teacher. Glomp Cutie. Make faces at Angel, who smiles serenely back (damn, whatever he's on to do that, I want some too). Eat (pah. I'll be so glad when this damn masquerade is done...ooh. Brownies! Thanks...oh, it's you. Whatever, Yukito...). Hang around Touya, not quite as painful an experience. Torture Angel. Hang around and onto Touya. Hang on. Hang on.

For His sake, Nakuru, hang on! You can't lose it yet!

And Yukito smiles and nods, stuffs his face, holds back the tears, passes out every so often (BECAUSE YOU NEED...oh, Teufelsdreck. You're not listening. Look, that twentieth riceball won't do anything for you, sorry), and I'm just here, hanging in there, cutting off Touya's circulation, going slowly crazy because all that nummy energy's just sitting there and no one's getting any use out of it, and He and Herr Gott only KNOW what little game Angel's trying to play.

Endless day. Endless, endless day. I'm running on empty, and so's Yukito, and Angel's hibernating or sick or stuck in his head or something, and Touya's less than terribly pleased with my presence (guess those red fingerprints on his forearm were starting to bug him), and, and...

...and I wanna go home! I wanna be with Him, I wanna be ME again, I'm so sick of this undercover agent stuff, I don't know what I'm doing here, this world's too big and scary, Master, Master, PLEASE let's all go home to England, I swear I won't spike Suppi's catfood with sugar and castor oil again....

Ohhh. Sunset. The relief. Bounce bounce bounce. Drop homework. Ask Touya (nicely) to get it for me. Ask Touya PLEEEEEEEEEEASE to get it for me. He does. Yukito just...smiles. Serenely. And so very sadly.

And thud over he goes, right on cue.

Good. Maybe, maybe...

...oh no. Yukito just wakes up and smiles (always that smile--Angel, what is your problem?) and shuffles off home except he's really weaving on that bike and my heart's in my mouth (if I had a heart...do I?) that he's gonna kill himself, and Touya just stands there (oh yeah, I guess I could let go, but you'd think he'd rip himself free already, what is he thinking?)...and oh. The pity of it.

Another day. Wasted.

Ogle Cutie (mmm!) bounce off home, with homework. Bounce. Bounce. Skip. Walk.

Trudge trudge trudge.

Moonrise. Praised be God. And Him. His radiance, His spirit, thrumming, pulsating, energizing, surrounds me as I all but collapse. He holds me up in His puny-seeming, eleven year old arms, expression quizzical through His glasses (so like the false Angel's but so much more).

"Master." My voice quivers, I'm almost crying. "Please forgive me. I have no excuse. I tried, I swear I tried, but I couldn't...I failed you again."

"Ruby," He says softly. "It's all right. The day will come." He coaxes me inside. My steps are so wavering now that I'm almost as bad as Yukito. But at least I can replenish my energies. Yukito, Yukito....

Argh! He'll just huddle inside that shell until he dies! What can he be thinking? How can Touya allow this to go on? How much more can my sanity take of this?!

Yue!

WAKE UP!

Somewhere around 1 to 1:42 AM, November 22, 2001.