Confused Heart
   by Marj

Notes:
	aishiteru - I love you
	baka - stupid / idiot
	daijoubu - are you okay? / I'm okay
	domo arigato gozaimasu - thank you very much
	gomen nasai - I'm sorry
	hai/ee - yes
	honto - really
	iie - no
	ittai - ouch
	kami-sama - god
	konnichiwa - hi / good afternoon
	okaa-san - mother
	onegai - please
	otou-san - father
	sayonara - good-bye

Please e-mail your comments and constructive criticisms at 
.  Thanks!

Disclaimers: The characters of Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon were created 
by Naoko Takeuchi-san, its copyright owned by Toei Animation, Kodansha, 
Nakayoshi, Sterling Animation Inc., and many other companies scattered 
throughout the world.  Meaning, I cannot claim the characters as my 
own, and am mearly borrowing them.  The characters Andy Spencer and
Ayukawa Himeru are mine though.  So please don't sue, as I don't earn 
anything from this other than the satisfaction of making a story.



Chapter Fourteen:  Disastrous Ending

That Friday, Usagi got home right after school since Ami had decided 
that they needed a short break.  The other girls were relieved since 
they had been studying non-stop for the past few weeks - with the 
exception of Minako, of course.

 Usagi thought as she happily jumped and fell 
down on her bed, her arms spread out wide.

Luna and Artemis were sitting on her bed, so when she fell, they 
bounced slightly up into the air.  Luna landed safely back, but as for 
a cat like Artemis - who seemed to have all the bad luck in the world - 
he slid over the edge and fell on the carpeted floor, creating a small 
*thud*.  "Ittai!!!" he exclaimed.

Usagi and Luna peeked at the edge of the bed to see Artemis standing up 
on his four feet.  "Whoops!  Gomen nasai, Artemis!" Usagi apologized as 
she and Luna giggled.

Artemis said nothing.  He glared at them instead.

Usagi pouted.  "Boy, are you touchy this week.  What's with you?"

Luna shook her head.  "Don't try finding out.  All he'll tell you is 
that he hasn't been getting sleep."

"Which is true, in case you'd like to know," Artemis said, leaping back 
up on the bed.

"You think I'm crazy enough to believe you?  You've been using the same 
excuse for five days.  You should have gotten some sleep by now," Luna 
reasoned.

"Think what you want.  But I tell you, I'm not lying."

Usagi turned over her back.  "Recap me on this one.  Why did Mina-chan 
leave you with me today?" she asked.

"You weren't listening?"  Luna gave her a hopeless look.  "She said she 
had to go some place where animals were not allowed."

"Hmm . . . maybe she went out on a date.  She didn't include Artemis 
because she knows he might wreck havoc in the kitchen and they'd get 
thrown out!"  Usagi and Luna giggled again.

 Artemis thought.

Usagi's memories returned to what had happened late Monday afternoon, 
when Minako had left the shrine.  "I wonder why Mina-chan left so early 
that day?" she mumbled.  She and the other girls had already informed 
Luna and Artemis about what had happened.  "It's not like it's the 
first time they’ve fought over a guy."

"The last time Minako tried to steal a cute guy away from Makoto, 
Makoto got so angry at her, she said she didn't want to be friends with 
her anymore.  Remember that?" Luna reminded Usagi.  "Maybe Minako has 
learned something valuable from that experience and does not want that 
to happen anymore."

"Besides, there is truth to Mina-chan's excuse about her mother wanting 
her to come home early for the next few weeks.  I won't let her forget 
about what her mother said either.  Not after learning that the doctor 
told her she still had a chance to have a relapse," Artemis said, 
shuddering at the thought of his charge getting that sick again, or 
maybe even worse.    "I don't approve 
of her going out on her own today, either, but she insisted and said it 
was something important."

"She couldn't leave Artemis home today since she's supposed to keep him 
as far away from her mother as possible," Luna informed Usagi.

"That is, when she's not home, I'm not supposed to be home."  Artemis 
sighed.  "To prevent me from "wandering" over to her parent's room, or 
wherever her mother is."

Usagi pouted.  "Why's that?"

"Well, animals have always had the reputation of carrying diseases.  
They can't risk it with Minako's mother.  After all, this will probably 
be her last baby," Luna answered.

Artemis held his chin up in pride.  "But I'm *not* a regular animal."

"Maybe you're not, but to them you are.  Besides, are you really *sure* 
you're a Lunar cat?" Luna teased.

The white cat ignored her.

Somewhere on the first floor of the Tsukino residence, the phone rang.  
Tsukino Ikuko answered it.  Minutes later, she could be heard shouting 
her daughter's name.  "Usagi!  Telephone!"

Usagi bolted up from her bed and ran out of her room.  "I'm coming!!" 
she called out.  She stopped breathlessly beside her mother, who handed 
her the receiver.  "Who is it?" she asked.

Ikuko's eyes twinkled.  "I don't know.  But it has the voice of a young 
man . . ."

Usagi didn't bother waiting for her mother to finish.  "Moshi-moshi?"

"Moshi-moshi.  Usako?" Mamoru said from the other line.

Usagi looked pleadingly at her mother.  Ikuko raised her eyebrows.  "If 
you want some privacy, take the wireless, dear.  I'm not done cleaning 
here.  Don't worry - I'll tell Shingo you're talking to someone if he 
tries to call."

"Oh, okay."  Usagi turned back to the receiver.  "Mamo-chan?  Hold on a 
sec - I'll just get the wireless -"

"No, no, don't bother.  I'm using a pay phone in school."

"You're *still* in school?!" Usagi gaped.

Mamoru chuckled.  "Yes, I'm still in school.  Just thought I'd tell you 
that I'm going to be very busy for the next few weeks because I really 
missed out on a lot of subjects."

"That's okay, Mamo-chan.  Minako's going through the same thing."

"Yeah, well, Minako didn't miss out on a few *months* of lectures, did 
she?"

Usagi laughed.  "That's true."

"Anyway, before I completely devote myself to my studies, what say I 
take you out tomorrow night?  Just the two of us."

Usagi leaned on the wall, sighing happily.  "Sure, Mamo-chan!  I'd love 
to!  Of course, you already knew that."

"Always.  I have to go now - my next class is just a few minutes from 
now.  I'll pick you up tomorrow, okay?  Usual time - say around six."

"I'll remember that.  Six o' clock," Usagi repeated, making sure she 
wouldn't forget it.

"Will your otou-san be around again?"

She giggled.  "Of course he will be!  Did you miss his long threat 
speech?"

Mamoru laughed with her.  "Sort of.  I think I still remember it . . ."

"Good.  You can recite it with him tomorrow."

"Are you sure he hasn't got that recorded somewhere so that he can play 
it and just lip-synch to it when he gives it?  Whoops . . ." Usagi 
could hear a bell ring in the background.  "There goes the warning 
bell," Mamoru informed her.

"No, I don't think he's got it recorded.  If he does, he's using 
different pitches and tones."

"You're right.  Uhh . . ."  Mamoru looked at his watch.  "Usako, I 
really have to go to my class now . . ."

"Oh, okay.   I'll see you tomorrow then.  Take good care of yourself!"

Mamoru smiled.  "Don't worry - the teachers won't bite."

"Aishiteru!"

"Aishiteru.  Sayonara!"

Usagi returned the receiver to its cradle.  She turned around and saw 
Shingo standing near the stairs with his arms crossed, smirking at her.

"Take care, Mamo-chan!  Aishiteru!" Shingo said, his hands clasped 
together, his eyelids fluttering, and his voice in a terrible imitation 
of Usagi.  Then he started laughing.

Smoke started to come out of Usagi's ears as she glared at her laughing 
brother.  "Baka!!  That was a private conversation!  How dare you 
eavesdrop on me?!?"

"I did not eavesdrop!  I just happened to be passing by!!"

"It's the same thing!  Besides, don't you do the same thing when you 
speak with Mika-chan?  Hmm?" Usagi teased.

Shingo blushed before answering.  "At least we don't go all lovey-dovey 
when we talk to each other!  The way you and your boyfriend talk could 
make people sick!!"

"Ooooooohh!!!!  Hey, come back here!!"  Usagi shouted as she chased 
Shingo around the living room.

Ikuko heard the commotion from the dining room and walked towards the 
living room.  "What are you two doing?!  I just cleaned this place a 
few seconds ago!!" she exclaimed as she saw her daughter and her son 
running around the room.

Just then, Artemis and Luna came bounding down the stairs.  "Now 
what?" Artemis asked in hushed tones so that Ikuko and Shingo wouldn't 
hear them.

They watched as Ikuko scolded her children while Usagi complained about 
her brother.  Luna shrugged.  "Typical sibling rivalry.  You don't see 
much of this, do you?"

Artemis shook his head.  "No.  But I will be, a few years from now."

"How does Minako-chan feel about the new baby anyway?"

"Excited, I guess.  She told me that maybe her okaa-san would stop 
barking once the baby's born.  Aino-san has become even crankier now 
that she's pregnant."

Luna giggled. 

Her companion continued.  "She's been on Minako's case ever since she 
was small.  She wanted a perfect daughter because she thought Mina-chan 
would be her only child."

Luna thought about the rambunctious, energetic and somewhat tomboyish 
Minako.  "I don't think she lived up to her okaa-san's expectations."

Artemis smiled.  "No, not really.  But Aino-san never stopped trying.  
That's why she keeps shouting at her.  Deep inside, though, she really 
cares."  Both cats started climbing the stairs again.  "To tell you the 
truth, I think Minako's parents love her just the way she is." 

He paused, watching Luna as she continued to ascend the stairs, a 
wistful look on his face.  

*****

At exactly six P.M. the following day, Mamoru arrived at the Tsukino's 
residence.  However - which was no longer surprising to him after years 
of dating - Usagi was still not ready to go out yet.  So Mamoru ended 
up in the living room, being served tea by Ikuko, while Usagi's father 
was constantly peeking at him from behind a piece of newspaper dated 
three days ago.

Thirty minutes later - or possibly more - Usagi's footsteps could be 
heard descending the stairs.  "Hi, Mamo-chan!  Sorry I'm late!" she 
said, pausing at the last step.

Mamoru stood up and went to her.  "You're *always* late, Usako.  And 
you're *always* forgiven.  Don't worry about it," he said softly.

Ikuko passed by the living room to collect the teacups that were on the 
table.  "Going some place fancy today?" she asked. 

Kenji was tightly clutching the newspaper.  "I certainly hope it's not 
some place far," he said with a hint of warning in his voice.

Mamoru shook his head and placed his hands behind his back, knowing 
better not to hold hands with Usagi in front of her dad.  "We won't be 
leaving Juuban, so you don't have to worry, sir," he said.

"Did you bring your motorcycle?"

"Iie, sir.  I brought my car."

Kenji nodded.  He then started to deliver his long speech.

"Otou-san!  We're not even by the door yet!  Besides, don't you think 
Mamo-chan has already memorized everything you're saying?" His daughter 
whined.

"I'm not done yet."   He said before continuing to talk for a few more 
seconds before letting them go.

Something was new in his speech, though.  While Mamoru was driving, he 
asked, ""If I see her come home looking so depressed again, I'm going 
to make sure that you'll be sorry"?  What's that all about?"

Usagi blinked.  She hadn't caught that from what her father had said.  
She would have to pay more attention next time.  "Well . . . you see . 
. . I was so depressed when you were gone that he probably got pretty 
annoyed," she answered.

Mamoru laughed a little.  "I'm surprised your otou-san wasn't happy 
that he had two months' vacation of not seeing me and that you weren't 
going out on dates."

Usagi shoved him playfully, trying to hide the growing guilt inside 
her.  "Hey, I do go out, you know!"
	
"With your friends.  At least they don't have to hear the same speech I 
do."



"Ahh, here we are!"  Mamoru eased his car into a vacant parking space.  
"It's been so long since we were last here, hasn't it?" he asked, 
turning to his girlfriend with a smile on his face.

Usagi gulped and weakly smiled back.  "Yeah . . ."

She looked uneasily at the name of the restaurant, which was flashing 
on a sign in the distance.  It was the same place where she and Andy 
had eaten dinner two weeks past.

 Usagi thought 
as Mamoru helped her out of his car.  

The young couple walked hand in hand towards the door, where they 
waited so that the attendant could seat them.  The waiter bowed 
politely and led them to a somewhat secluded corner of the restaurant.

  Usagi thought 
as she sat in the same seat in front of the same table where she and 
Andy had been before.  She was starting to get nervous.

She suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder.  "Usako, daijoubu?  You seem 
so tense . . ." Mamoru said worriedly from behind her.

Usagi feigned surprise.  "Honto?  But I'm fine, honest.  Just . . . 
just reminiscing."  

Mamoru nodded slowly.  "Oh.  Okay."  He went to his seat, held her 
hands and looked deep into her blue eyes.  "If there's anything you 
want to tell me -"

"Nothing.  Nothing."

A waitress clad in a white dress and a red apron approached their 
table, order slip in hand.  "What would you like?" she asked.

While Mamoru was giving their order, Usagi was quietly wringing her 
hands as she stared at the floor.   she 
wondered.

Mamoru watched Usagi carefully after he had given their orders.  He 
knew that something was bothering her.  He could feel it.  Only, he 
didn't know what it was.



"Usako, I can tell something is wrong.  Please tell me.  I can help," 
Mamoru said gently.

Usagi looked at him hesitantly.

"Onegai?  I want this night to be happy for the two of us before I 
start focusing on my studies."

His girlfriend closed her eyes.  

Mamoru clasped her hands.

Usagi felt warm tears rising to the corners of her eyes.   She 
looked at him, focusing on nothing but his handsome face.  "Mamo-chan . 
. . I . . . I . . . "

 her conscience screamed.

"Just take it slow, Usako.  It will come out," Mamoru advised softly.

Usagi started breathing deep to calm herself.    
"Remember Spencer Andy?" she asked.  "The guy I introduced you to last 
Saturday?"

Her boyfriend nodded.  "What about Andy?"

"Well . . . I did tell you that he was courting me then, right?"

Mamoru nodded again. 

Usagi looked away and played with her hands again.  "I told him about 
us, but he went on showering me with poems and flowers anyway."

"Okay . . ." Mamoru said slowly.  "Yet . . . I still don't see your 
point."

"It's like this."  Usagi cleared her throat.  It was starting to 
squeak.  "The weekend before you came back.  You know . . . a few days 
after we fought?  Well . . . I was so vulnerable and upset back then 
that when . . . when Andy asked for a date . . . I . . ."

"You went out with him."

"Hai."

"Oh."  Mamoru paused for a few moments.  "Is there anything else you 
want to say?"

"Hmm."

"What else?" he asked quietly.

"Uhh . . ." Usagi stared at Mamoru's face, Mamoru's eyes, wanting to 
see if they were as accusing as she had imagined them to be two weeks 
ago.  But the eyes were so deep, so blank, that she couldn't read them.  
"While we were talking at Juuban Park, we . . . uhh . . ."

Her boyfriend squeezed her hands, encouraging her to go on.

"We kissed."

The hands holding Usagi's went slack, and for a moment a look of 
disappointment crossed Mamoru's face.  But it was quickly replaced by a 
well-controlled, patient look.

Usagi held on to his hands.  "Gomen!!  I didn't mean it!  I didn't want 
it to happen!" she cried.

" . . . It's okay . . ."

"I didn't tell you earlier because I knew that you were going to be so 
disappointed in me!  You trusted me, and I broke your trust!  I just 
couldn't say it . . ."

Mamoru held her shoulder and gave her a small smile.  "Hey, hey, it's 
okay.  It's okay . . ."

Usagi shook her head sadly.  "No, it's not.  It's not."

"Yes, it is . . ."

"IIE!! You act like nothing happened at all!  I'm not blind, Mamoru!  I 
saw that look of disappointment on your face!  Don't give me that smile 
- I'd know if you were smiling for real!"  Usagi shouted angrily, 
standing up from her chair.  "All you say is "It's okay!  It's okay!" 
when the fact is, deep down, you're really upset!!  Why don't you admit 
it?!  Are you trying to make me feel more guilty than I already am??!"

Mamoru looked up at her from his chair.  "If I told you that I was 
disappointed, then you would also be upset!  Isn't that right, Usagi?" 
he asked, his temper slowly rising.  "I'm trying to hide my feelings - 
I'm trying to make a sacrifice so that you will be happy, like I always 
want you to be.  But it seems like you'll get upset either way!  What 
else do you want me to say?!"

"I'd rather get hurt than hear a lie!  I'd rather suffer the 
consequences of my own actions than to have them passed on to someone I 
love while I go about happy! So tell me the truth!" Usagi demanded, 
oblivious to the fact that everybody in the restaurant was staring at 
them, watching the scene unfold.  "Tell me everything that you really 
feel, deep down in your heart!"

"I'm *mad*" Mamoru shouted, angrily standing up from his chair as well.  
"I'm *angry*!  What I feel right now is more than those two words could 
ever mean to anybody! I don't give a d*mn about that date!  But do you 
know what it feels like to find out that the one you love - the one for 
whom you would sacrifice anything just so you could be together - went 
out with somebody just a few days after you had a fight about the same 
person?  Do you know what it feels like when you give yourself to 
someone expecting her to be at your side, and yet she breaks your trust 
and lets you fall?  It hurts!  It hurts right here!"  He crumpled his 
right fist and hit the spot just above his heart.

"Are you miserable now that you know what I really feel?  Are you 
satisfied now?  HUH?"

"EE!!  DOMO ARIGATO GOZAIMASU!!!" Usagi practically screamed before 
looking away and slumping in her chair.

Mamoru stared at her for a long time, sweat pouring down his face.  No 
matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, he still hurt her 
feelings.  That was all he ever did - hurt her feelings.  Since Beryl, 
all the way to Galaxia and the present.  When will it end?   he thought miserably 
as he slowly sat down, disappointment completely visible on his face.

Usagi felt like crying.  But she did not.  She just stared, stone cold, 
at the floor, going silently through the double pain that she felt for 
failing Mamoru and for failing his trust.   she 
thought as she contemplated what Mamoru had just revealed to her.  He 
had sacrificed so much . . . and yet what was she doing?  She always 
made things difficult for the two of them.

"I think . . . I think we need a break . . ." Mamoru said, his voice no 
louder than a whisper.

Still, Usagi heard.  Her heart broke into millions of pieces, with 
nobody around to pick them up.  Still . . .  "You're right . . ." she 
said almost as quietly.  She deserved this.  She wouldn't back out.

Mamoru clenched his fists even tighter as he nodded slowly.  He had 
hoped she would say no . . . had hoped she would prove that he was 
wrong.  But if all he ever did was made her life miserable, he couldn't 
blame her.  No, she had to move on.  They *both* had to move on without 
destiny leading their lives.   he thought 
bitterly.

Even if he was sure that the love he felt for her was more real than 
any arrow that fate had shot to his heart.

*****

Usagi cried.  Her sobs could be heard even though her pillow muffled 
them.  Her father demanded to know what had happened, but somehow she 
had managed to assure him that Mamoru had nothing to do with it.  She 
would not make his life difficult anymore.

Luna looked on sadly.  It was depressing.  A single boy who was also 
only looking for love tore down what hundreds of years and countless 
enemies could not destroy. 

In other parts of Juuban, Minako slept early upon the insistence of her 
parents, coughs still wracking her body every now and then.

Artemis still lay awake, because, for some reason, he feared the moment 
that he had to close his eyes.

Himeru stood near an open window in his room, looking at the sky, the 
stars and the planets that enveloped the lights that made up Tokyo, a 
blond, somewhat absentminded girl somewhere in his thoughts.

Ami sat at the table to eat a late dinner with her only parent, her 
mother, who had just come home from the hospital.

Rei was inside the fire room meditating, not knowing that Yuuichirou 
was behind the door, watching her.

Makoto was alone on her couch, watching television and eating cookies 
that she had made herself, thinking of her new friend and comparing him 
with an old one.

Finally, in Azabu, everything that was on top of Mamoru's desk was 
lying scattered on the floor.  All that could be seen on top was 
Mamoru, his head resting on his folded arms, falling asleep as he 
stared at a frame that he held so dearly in his hand.

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