Confused Heart
   by Marj

Notes:
	arigato - thank you
	daijobu - all right/ are you all right?
	ee - yes
	gomen - I'm sorry
	ja ne - 'bye
	minna - everybody
	sayonara - good-bye
	otou-san - father

Please e-mail your comments and constructive criticisms at 
.  Thanks!

Disclaimers: The characters of Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon were created 
by Naoko Takeuchi-san, its copyright owned by Toei Animation, Kodansha, 
Nakayoshi, Sterling Animation Inc., and many other companies scattered 
throughout the world.  Meaning, I cannot claim the characters as my 
own, and am mearly borrowing them.  The character Andy Spencer is mine, 
though.  So please don't sue, as I don't earn anything from this other 
than the satisfaction of making a story.



Chapter Seven:  Anger, Dates And Friends	

The next morning, before class started, Makoto and Minako were gathered 
around Ami's desk.  She was showing them something that she had 
received from her father in the mail the previous night.  It was a 
drawing of a little girl running into a man's arms - presumably the 
little girl's father.

"Ami-chan . . . it's beautiful!" Minako commented, staring at the 
picture and at the same time keeping a weary eye towards the door, 
afraid that they would not notice their teacher's arrival again.  "Your 
otou-san is such a great artist!"

Makoto nodded.  "It's sweet of him to give you a drawing every now and 
then.  You're lucky . . ."

Ami blushed.  "Arigato.  I do wish he would come and visit me instead 
of just sending me cards and drawings, though.  I can almost imagine 
that I am that little girl and my otou-san is the man."

"The little girl does kind of look like you . . ." Makoto leaned 
forward to take a better look.

Minako giggled.  "Maybe he's trying to convey a message!"

"Perhaps."  Ami smiled.

The sound of the classroom door roughly sliding open made them raise 
their head from the drawing, half expecting their teacher.  What 
greeted them, though, was a haggard-looking Usagi, eyes red and cheeks 
puffy from crying the previous night.

Makoto and Ami stared at her as she took her seat without even greeting 
them with a simple "Hi".  Minako's eyes filled with worry.

"This girl is driving me crazy!!  She was happy last night - now what 
happened?!" Makoto asked, absently rubbing the spot on her head where 
Usagi had pelted her with a pillow the previous day.

Minako sighed.  "Don't ask."

Ami looked at her questioningly.  "You know what happened?"

"I guess I caught a good time while staying on a chosen place . . ."

"Minako . . . I think that's 'I was in the right place at the right 
time' . . ."

"Yeah.  Whatever.  Hey, it basically means the same thing, right?"

Ami sweatdropped.  "Eh . . . ee."

The blond girl shrugged.  "Anyway, Luna told me that Mamoru called last 
night, and Shingo said that Usagi had a fight with 'the person on the 
phone.'"

Makoto sat on her chair, drumming her fingers.  "I'm definitely getting 
tired of these continuous mood shifts.  One minute she's happy, the 
next, she's depressed!  It's driving me nuts!!!"  She sighed in 
frustration.  "So I guess *now* we're in a worse predicament than 
before . . . ?"

Minako tapped Usagi - who was staring at the blackboard - on the 
shoulder.  She answered with a grunt.  "Usagi-chan, daijobu?" Ami 
asked.

She shook her head and laid it on her arms on her desk.

"Come on, Usagi, it's not that bad," Minako said, dragging her chair 
near Usagi's.  "I know what happened - Shingo told me . . ."

Usagi glared at her.  "Shingo *does not* know anything!!" she said 
between gritted teeth.

Minako was taken aback by her reaction while the two other girls looked 
on.

"He just doesn't understand . . ." Usagi continued, her voice breaking. 
"He doesn't . . ." She sobbed into her arms.

Makoto, Ami and Minako looked at each other.  "Who doesn't?" Makoto 
asked.

Usagi didn't answer.

She heard Minako clear her throat.  Out of the corner of her eye, she 
saw her friends look up and proceed hesitantly to their respective 
places.  She assumed that the teacher had arrived.  Ami touched her 
shoulder in silent support before sitting down.   
she thought.

*****

"Luna!" Artemis greeted as he bounded down on the tree branch beside 
her.  She looked at him, smiled briefly, then continued to stare in 
front of her.

Artemis nudged her with his paw.  "Aw, come on, Luna.  Don't tell me 
that even you've become a subject to all this depression."

"What can I do, Artemis?" Luna asked.

"Hmm?"

Luna bowed her head in defeat.  "I tried to talk to her this morning, 
but she shut me out.  I know that last night was her first *real* fight 
with Mamoru and that she's hurting, but what bothers me is that she's 
not conveying her sorrows to *anyone*."

Artemis shrugged.  "Maybe she just thinks of it as kind of personal.  
You did say it was their first real fight."

"Perhaps.  But it's not helping her get any better."

The cats remained silent for a while.

"You know . . ." Artemis started out slowly.  "I . . . you *do* know 
that I never knew about Minako's personal problem when she was in 
London, don't you?"

Luna nodded.

"See?  Even she keeps secrets from me."

"Minako was pretty good not to let her depression show.  Usagi's 
another case."

Artemis shook his head and joined her gaze to the ground.  "That's not 
what I was trying to say.  I always thought that I knew Minako in and 
out - that I know her better than anyone else in the entire universe.  
I had always wondered what had caused her to suddenly return from 
England, but I would usually dismiss it with the thought that it wasn't 
that important for it *had* seemed that way to her.  But there, I was 
wrong."  

He sighed.  "After she told me the story that she never had the courage 
to tell me, I realized that I didn't know her as well as I thought I 
did.  *She* was the one who knew herself better than anybody else, not 
me.  I don't know what is on her mind, and I can't always be there for 
her even if I want to - to know when and why she feels lonely or 
insecure of herself.  All I can do is console her in the best way that 
I possibly can, whether she's unwilling to tell me her problems or 
not."

"Being a guardian of somebody whose life has been filled with pain 
isn't that easy, Luna.  Minako has been through a lot.  Even though I 
usually hated myself for being helpless during those times, she always 
tells me that she never would have made it through if I weren't there.  
With her."  Artemis looked at Luna.  "We cannot always help them 
directly.  But we can still console and guide them carefully.  I have 
been doing this for a long time, Luna - longer than you.  I know what 
I'm talking about."

Luna stared at Artemis.  "Are you the same mischievous cat that I know, 
or did someone possess you?" she asked with a small smile.

He blushed.  "So I don't usually do that.  But hey, you needed advice 
so I gave you advice!" He cleared his throat.  "Well, good luck with 
Usagi."

"Where are you going?"

He gave her a wicked grin.  "To go play with the mice and birds."

"Mina-chan isn't going to be happy about that."

"What can she do?  She's in class."

Luna thought for a while.  "Do you think Usagi is at least telling them 
what happened?"

Artemis shrugged.  "Maybe."

"Well, I hope so."

The white cat nodded.  "I'll be going.  Ja ne."  He jumped off the 
branch.

Luna watched him leave.  "Ja ne . . . and arigato, Artemis."

*****

As much as Luna hoped that Usagi would be relating her troubles to the 
others, her wish was not fulfilled.  Usagi had not murmured a single 
word to her friends, and she remained in her emotional state all 
throughout the school day - from the sound of the first bell to the 
dismissal of class.

She was packing her things in her bag and was about to tell her friends 
that she was not in the mood to go to Rei's when Andy appeared in front 
of her.

Usagi sighed.  "Yes?"

"Usagi, can I ask you something?" he asked.

She inserted her last book into her bag and locked it shut before 
answering.  "What?"

"Would you . . ."

Minako, Ami, and Makoto, who were standing nearby and were being 
ignored, leaned forward to hear.

" . . . go out with me Saturday night?"

There it was.  The dreaded question.  Three heads turned to Usagi, 
waiting for an answer from the girl who was wondering just the previous 
night what she would do if the question was directed to her.

 Usagi thought bitterly.  

"Usagi . . . ?" Andy said hesitantly.  "You don't have to go if you 
don't want to . . ."

 her 
mind echoed.  In a hollow voice, she finally answered.

"Sure.  Why not?"

Three strangled gasps could be heard.

Andy looked relieved.  "That's great.  Say, umm . . . six o' clock?  
I'll pick you up at your house.  I think I still remember where it is 
when you took me out on that Tokyo tour . . ."

Usagi nodded absently.  Makoto, Minako, and Ami looked at her 
incredulously.

"Okay."  He heaved a great, happy sigh, his face flushed with 
happiness.  "I'll see you then . . . ?"

She nodded again.

"All right.  I have to go now.  Ja ne."  He turned around and found 
himself looking at three staring girls.  "Oh!  I didn't notice you 
guys!  Gotta go - I'm in a hurry.  Sayonara!"  With a wave good-bye, he 
ran out of the room.  Minako peeked out the door, where she could see 
him jumping up and down while running, fists punching the air, with 
English shouts of "All right!!" and "Yes!!" filling the halls of the 
school.

Ami stood beside Makoto as her friend gripped Usagi's shoulders.  
"Usagi, do you know what you just did?!?"  Makoto demanded.

Usagi's eyes turned to her.  Makoto winced at their hollowness.  "He 
doesn't care . . ." she said softly.  "He doesn't care . . ."

The three girls stared at her.  Minako shook her head sadly.

"She did it because she thinks nobody cares . . ." she said flatly.

"But didn't you think of us?" Ami asked quietly.  "What about us, 
Usagi?  What about us?"

*****

"You what?!!?"

Rei looked at Usagi, disbelief all over her face.  Makoto had just told 
her what had happened, and now Rei was demanding to know the truth.

Usagi sat calmly on the floor.  "I said 'yes'.  Is there anything wrong 
with that?"

"No.  Not really.  Only you just happen to have a *boyfriend* who'll be 
back in less than a month!!"

"So?"

"So?  So?!?  Usagi, you just told me last night - listen to me - LAST 
NIGHT that you want nothing to do with that guy!!  What are you doing 
now?  How do you expect me to react?!"

"I just thought you'd respect my decision, that's all," Usagi said 
coldly.

"We do respect your decision.  It's just . . ." Makoto searched for the 
words to say.  "What you did  . . . it was shocking.  Kind of like the 
last thing that we expected you to say.  It sort of made us upset."

"Why?"

Minako, who had been sitting silently at one side of the table, asked 
softly.  "What happened?"

Everybody turned to look at her.  She was staring at Usagi, her blue 
eyes daring her to answer her question.  "I *know* you had a fight with 
him.  Don't deny it.  What happened?"

Usagi bit her lip and bowed her head.  "I don't think he cares anymore 
. . ." she said quietly.

Ami held her hand.  "You don't think . . . ?"

Usagi shrugged.  "Our discussion started out fine . . . but it got out 
of hand when I told him about Andy . . ."

Rei shook her head.  "No wonder.  He must have been pretty jealous -"

"But he wasn't!" Usagi pointed out.  "He told me that he didn't care if 
I go out with others!  And . . ."

"And . . . ?" Rei pressed on.

"And . . . and he also said that I should make sure we should stay only 
as friends.  Then . . . I . . . accused him of thinking that I would go 
behind his back . . ."

"But isn't that what you're doing now?" Ami asked.

Silence.

Usagi wiped the tears flowing down her cheeks with the sleeve of her 
shirt.  "I . . . I don't know.  He told me he didn't care if I go out, 
so how can that be going behind his back?"

"Maybe Mamoru-san never meant to accuse you.  Maybe he was just 
reminding you that . . . well . . . that he's still there," Makoto said 
gently.

"He wouldn't remind me if he doesn't doubt me."

"You know, you *should* be happy Mamoru-san doesn't keep a tight hold 
over you -" Minako started.

Usagi let out a bitter laugh.  "Yeah.  He said that, too."

"What did Luna say?" Rei asked.

"I don't know.  I . . . I haven't talked to her yet."  She looked 
around.  "Speaking of which, where is she?"

"Artemis took her around town.  She was as depressed as you are," 
Minako informed her.

Ami squeezed Usagi's hand.  "Just one more question.  About your 
decision . . . are you going out with Andy because you're angry at 
Mamoru-san . . . or is it because you like him?"

Usagi opened her mouth to answer.  She was surprised when she found out 
that her mind had nothing to say.

Rei patted Usagi's back gently.  "Just think it over, okay Usagi?"

The other girls nodded.

"You wouldn't want to do something you'll regret later on . . ." Makoto 
said.

Her friends' words whirled around Usagi's mind even as she walked back 
home.  She started to have second thoughts.

 she thought, staring at the sidewalk where 
she was walking.  

She sighed. 

"Think it over . . ." they had said.

Usagi looked up.  The sun had just vanished, and countless stars had 
appeared in the night skies.  The moon shone brightly in the center of 
it all.  It seems so big in the night sky - so beautiful.  And so very 
alone.

Her thoughts drifted back to the phone conversation.

  Fresh tears rolled from her eyes.

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