One fine summer day a man was walking along a highway.
It was a super highway and along the way he saw a most
intriguing visual display.
They started communicating and seemed to be interfacing well.
"Hi there, My name is Intel, Intel Pentium
What's yours" The shy young man asked.
"Oh I'm Blossom, Blossom Machintosh
but my friends just call me Apple",
She replied with a smile.
"Oh? You are scottish?", He asked
"Well my mother is but my father was from the isle of Motorolla"
"What does your father do?"
"He is a weight lifter, you might have heard of him?
Power Machintosh?"
"Mmmm... cannot say that I have.... but then again my family
doesn't usually pay much attention to anyone that isn't a Pentium.
Though I do thing we have some french relatives.
The Feurate Seux family."
Well, Intel found himself scanning the nice software
that Apple was hiding behind a sleak casing.
His screen started to go red as he found that his
floppy disk was starting to turn into a hard drive.
She noticed that his hard drive light was flashing
and felt a quiver of pleasure shoot through her motherboard.
"I have to be honest Apple... I do find you incredibly attractive.
Your buttons are so smooth and your operating system is
so user-friendly that I am finding it hard to keep my hands
off your peripherals"
"That's ok Intel. Though I think you are a little bit dated,
everyone seems to have heard of you and for some reason they
all want to keep using you so I think I will give you a try"
"Really? Do you think we will be compatible?"
"Of course silly... I have extensions that allow me to
format that floppy disk of yours."
"Well then... should we go back to my mouse pad and see
if we can plug 'n' play?"
"Mmmm.. I would like that Intel, but you have to promise
to use virus protection. The last thing I need right now is
a system error in my motherboard and have to have a chip
removed by the repairman in 9 months"
"Don't worry Apple, I am very careful..all of the software
that I use has been tested for safety"
And with that the two of them made their way back to his mouse pad
and made their way into the bedroom.
They started to get comfortable and slipped out of their disk cases.
Intel admired Apple's nice graphics card,
especially as it was covered in all that interlace
and found her very desirable. Her power light started
to wink at him and felt his casing getting warm
(something that always happens with the Pentium
family when they are turned on for too long).
She knew that he was feeling horny as she could
hear his fan working overtime.
They started to interface again and he tried to slide
his hands into her parallel port.
"Intel??? Don't be in such a rush, I know you are a 166MHz
kinda guy but I like to take my time.
I may only be 33MHz but I think with more than just
my CPU. I like to use all my chips"
"I'm sorry Apple. For years I have wanted to be with someone
like you, and now that I am close to you
my CPU is starting to use the floating-point unit
and I am feeling giddy"
Seeing that his system was starting to become busy
(Something else that the Pentium's always suffer from)
she decided that it was time to let him mount his device
in her drive bay. Gently she removed the bay covering and
watched as his disk lengthened from a 3.5" into a nice, firm 5.25".
He wasn't really big, not like the arousing 8" Zip drive
that she had been with the week before but at least
she knew how to interface with him easily.
"Oh Apple, you are so desirable I just want to take
a byte out of you!!!!"
"Now, now Intel, you know how much I want to have
'An Intel Inside' of me"
"Mmmm... I would love for you to be Pentium Powered"
Gently Intel loaded his disk into Apple's waiting MS-O(ro)ffice
and began to convert his files into her format.
He could hear her adjusting the volume of her speakers
as her wave files started to play. Feeling her moving beneath
him he couldn't help but switch on his disk caching and
found that he could get more throughput that way.
Unable to control his passions any longer, Intel suddenly froze
(Guess what? Yep, another Pentium trait)
and found himself releasing a new version of his
product into her com port.
"Oh My God Intel!!!! What have you done????"
Intel had been so hot that he had crashed and there
had been a General Protection Violation.
He withdrew his Operating System as fast as he could
and tried desperately to recover from his crash but as usual
his family had never been good at recovering from those sort of things.
Apple quickly made an appointment to see Dr Norton
and before long he was running diagnostics on her
to see if anything new had been installed in her system.
"Well doctor? Is there going to be a little Pentium Mac?"
"No... fortunately the product that Mr Pentium released was
only the beta version... and as you know...
no beta versions EVER work.
You are very lucky."
Apple sighed in relief and turned to face Intel.
She gave him a stern look and put her hands on her hips.
"You are cheap you know that?
I bet everyone has had their hands on you.
I bet you go around with all of your fancy graphics cards
and video cards and brag to everyone about what you can do.
I just want you to know that you may be in everyone's house
and everyone uses you but you will never be
appreciated like I am"
And with that she punched him
in the monitor and walked out.