Earth Trembles Waiting

by: Lauren

May 1998

I sit in bed, reading slowly through an old poetry book. It's not often that I have time to relax, and this is a well-deserved break. I'm waiting for him to return from his mission. I know it seems foolish, but I often worry about him. I hate the thought of him out there somewhere fighting alone. Of course, I offered to go with him, but being the stubborn baka he is, he wanted to go alone. He's the perfect soldier! Why would he need my help? Sometimes I worry that he's too emotionless. He could be killed simply because of his lack of will to live. I guess he doesn't have much to live for, but couldn't he just keep living for me? I guess he doesn't realize how I feel about him. It took me forever to realize how I feel about him! Since the first day I laid eyes on him, he has haunted my dreams. At first I thought it as nothing more than my competitive spirit. When the dreams left me feeling aroused in the morning, I figured I was only attracted to him. He does have the most catching blue eyes, and the way his hair falls into his face, just so… His small lithe frame outlined by those tight black spandex shorts, and in jeans… He made me feel like a lovesick girl. A couple of nights ago, one quite like this one, I woke feeling empty. I felt as if something that was very close to my heart was missing, and when I rolled over in bed, I realized Heero wasn't there. We've been sharing this bed, this room, for about a week now. Quatre and Trowa and Wufei are in the other room. I think they're all afraid to actually share a bed with him, 'cept maybe Trowa, but he'd never leave Quatre. That night lying alone, it took awhile for me to figure out what made me feel so empty, and then it hit me. Heero was gone. Without a word. He could be on a mission dying at that very second, and I wouldn't know it. He would die without ever hearing how much he meant to me. It was then that I realized that the aching was due to my love for my fellow pilot. And it wasn't just any love, it was true love. I knew, without any doubt, that this is the person I want to spend my life with. Heero is the one I want to die with. He's on a mission again, and he might not come back alive, and he will never have heard me say those words to him. He will never know that I love him with all of my heart and soul. I set my book down and stare out the small window at the setting sun. It dark red fires burning, fighting to stay alive as it looses the battle to darkness and night. As the last flames are extinguished on the horizon, a tear makes its way from the corner of my eye and down my cheek, and I wonder what my secret love is doing now. I sit longing for nothing more than to hear his deep voice, even if it's only telling me to shut up…

I wait for his foot fall,

Eager, afraid,

Each evening hour

When the lights fade…

I close my eyes and picture him next to me," Heero… I love you."

I wait for his voice

To speak low to me-

Like a mariner lost

Dreams of harbor, at sea…

"Duo…" I hear his deep base voice call my name.

I slowly open my eyes to find Heero on the bed, kneeling in front of me. Have my pairs been answered?

I wait for his lips

When the dusk falls.

Life holds my longing

Behind dark walls.

He slowly leans forward and softly brushes his lips against mine. Electricity runs through my spine. My Heero… he's kissing me…

" Heero… I…"

" I know…"

" Aishiteru…"

He smiles softly, a genuine, happy smile, and then kisses me again, this time more passionately. The happiest night of my life, I spent with him. Exploring every inch of his well-toned body, giving myself to him body and soul. I woke the next morning feeling alone and empty again. I turned to see that Heero was gone. Was my magical night nothing more than a dream? The feel of his lips on mine, our bodies joined in the most intimate way, the explosion of feelings of love as we held each other in the aftermath of our passion, were they all well invented figments of my mind? I slowly sit up to see a note propped against the little window. I slowly read the words written, and my body tenses.

" Aishiteru…" He loves me. A smile slowly finds it's way into my lips and eyes.

I wait for his face-

As after the rain

Earth trembles waiting

For the sun again…