All I ever wanted was to be a normal boy. I never asked to fight in the wars. I'm only 15, and this isn't my job. They say I'm special, that I am one of the few skilled pilots. They say I have to defend our colony. Why? Why me and the handful of other boys? We are only 15. The five of us have become best of friends. I know I'm not the easiest guy to get along with, but they listen to me anyway. I think Duo cares the most. I mean, when we jumped off that building, and I purposely didn't open my parachute, he was worried. Unfortunately, I only broke my leg. I welcome death, and I haven't kept it a secret from the other pilots. They would welcome death too if they had lived my life. I've been trained since I was five to be a killer. Doctor J raised me for this mission. I don't feel pain anymore. I don't remember what it's like to cry. I have had my body and soul mutilated. My body doesn't feel pain anymore, and it seems that I'm hard to kill. There's nothing but a shell to be destroyed anyway. I lost my soul when I began training. Can't be the perfect soldier if you have feelings you know. Today Duo and I went on a raid of the main armory on the L2 colony. I don't remember what happened exactly, but some how or another I was hit from behind. I fell back and hit my head hard on the cold concrete. Something wet was around my head, and I could feel my hair being caked with the drying substance. Duo… my best friend. You know, without him I would have died long ago, not because I'm weak, but I would have destroyed myself. Duo was the life of our team. We all would have killed ourselves long ago if he wouldn't have been there to tease us. He's such a clown, and he never shuts up. If we had met before the war, before I lost my soul, we would have been closer. Duo… I sit here and watch him cry over my body. I guess one of my stunts finally did break me. He's crying. He's crying for me? Why? I don't understand him sometimes. He blames himself when there is nothing he can do. I can feel how hurt he is. I don't want to leave him, and for the first time, I have the desire to live. I can't leave my teammates, my friends to fight this war alone. They need me. I can't see myself anymore. Duo's long hair is in my face. He's crying on my shoulder. He's blaming himself for my death. Oh Duo…

" Life comes cheap, especially mine. Don't blame yourself when I die, cause you could never be the one to kill me," I say in a cold voice.

" Heero? You are alive! You… you… don't ever do that to me again! I was so worried, I thought I'd lost you! I mean all the blood that you lost, and when you didn't wake up and your heart had stopped and I…"

" Duo, shut up before I kill you," I've never met someone who talks as much as him.

" I… sorry Heero. I just can't stand loosing you. You're my only friend…"

" Duo, you are, I feel the same way…"

He looks at me with a knowing smile. This is one of the hardest things I've done in my life. I can calmly kill a man with my bare hands, but I can't face my feelings. Hell, I can't admit that I have feelings. Maybe I do have a soul still after all. That means that I'm mortal. It means that I can be killed. I don't like having a weakness that my enemy can exploit. It just means that we'll have to win this war now. I feel wasted, but I've got to get moving. I move to get up only to be stopped by Duo.

" Oh no you don't! You aren't leaving this bed until you have recovered. You've suffered massive head injuries…"

I don't hear the rest of Duo's reprimand as I fall back into the wonderful world of the black oblivion of sleep.