A Look Inside

by: Lauren

May 1998

A look inside

A feeling of being utterly alone. Your only real friend the computer, the machine you use to kill, to cause destruction. Today is my birthday, and these are not feelings someone my age should be having on such a happy day. Happy day for a normal boy, but not for me… I'm alone… I guess not really alone. Duo is here with me. He's my friend, and I feel for him in a way I've never felt for another…

I pause in my writing to look up at Duo. Duo… He doesn't even know how much he means to me… how much power he has over me… He's just come from showering, and he is running a brush through his long hair. It clings to his chest in a wet mat… almost like a second skin… I have the urge to go and run my fingers through those long silky expanses… but I can't… Duo doesn't n

Death… Duo has always thought of himself as death, but really, he is the life of our group. I often court death, and really, I welcome it. Something to rid me of this pain that is life. As much as I wish for death, I can't imagine one of the pilots dying. More than once each has saved me in their own way. Trowa cared for my battered body when I self-destructed Wing. I definitely wouldn't want to see him killed. Quatre… at first his innocence bothered me, but I see now that it is as valuable to him as my training is to me. Quatre's innocence is what allows him to fight, and it's what has taught me that one can kill and still have a soul. One can kill and have feelings. Quatre's innocence is something this world needs, and I wouldn't want to see that destroyed. Wufei… he's irrational and loved to fight. He loves war? I don't really like him, but he's made our group whole in his own way. His obsession with justice has taught me that we each have our own view of what justice is. We each choose our own paths… maybe Trieze sees what he's doing as justice. I don't like Wufei, but I respect him and don't like the idea of him dying. Duo… loud mouth crazy Duo. He's even watching me as I write this. Duo is my best friend, my only friend, in this world. He means more to me than anything. I t was hard for me to come to terms with my feelings for him, especially since it would be a weakness. Duo has been my angel. He sees himself as death, but he's not. He's saved my life and my sanity on more than one occasion, and he doesn't get all cocky about it. He's my savior. My angel of death and my angel of mercy. My love and my pain. My humanity and my only really weakness. What is someone found out? He could be hurt, used against me. I couldn't cause the downfall of my angel.

Duo… he's finished brushing his hair and is now getting dressed. He's so unashamed of his body. I watch as the towel drops from his slender hips to hit the floor. His back is to me as he bends down to rummage in a drawer. How beautiful he is… Duo's muscles are proportioned perfectly on his slim body. His tight ass… how many times have I dreamt of it? No… he's my friend… I won't think that way. He finds a pair of black silk boxers and pulls them slowly up. I bought those for him on his last birthday. I remember that night so well. I wonder if he knows how nuts he makes me?

I had spent all day in the store looking for the right gift. When I saw them, I knew they were perfect for him. Black is a great color on him. It contrasts so well with his pale white skin. I wrapped them carefully in black and silver paper, and attached a small card. I remember his look of shock and pleasure when I presented him with the gift. He read the card out loud,

" For all you've said and done, for being there when I need you most. Thanks. Happy Birthday. Heero Yuy."

He smiled and carefully unwrapped the present. He loved the boxers. He striped immediately, oblivious of my staring at his naked form, and put the boxers on. He turned in circles, modeling them for me.

" Heero! They're the greatest gift ever! I've never gotten such a great birthday gift!"

I smiled slightly and nodded in response to his thanks. Then he did the unexpected. If my body wasn't on fire from watching him prance around in the boxers, it was the second his arms wrapped around me. My body ached with longing as I felt his warm breath on my neck as he held me close. I returned the hug lightly.

" Heero… I… No one has ever remembered my birthday before… thank you…"

His lips brushed softly against my shoulder and then came up to claim mine in a soft caress. When his lips brushed across mine it took all of my will power not to take him right there. No, he is my best friend, and I can't do that. He smiled at me again.

" Thanks again Heero. One day, I'll give you an even greater gift," he promised. Duo didn't know it, but he'd already given me the greatest gift of all, his friendship.

I'm brought out of my memories as the bed shifts. I glance up to see Duo lying next to me. He has a mysterious glint in his eyes, and I know he's up to no good. He leans over to look at what I'm writing…

" Let's see… today's date…"

" Duo! That's privet!"

We fought over my journal until it was knocked to the floor. He was lying half-draped across me. I move to push him of when he reached over me and under the bed.

" Heero… Happy Birthday," he says as he thrusts a box wrapped in pretty white paper at me.

I remove the card first and read it. I could feel the tears forming in my eyes as I read.

" Heero… my best friend, my role model, my first and last love, Happy Birthday.

With all my heart,

Duo Maxwell"

I quickly removed the paper to find a delicate wooden box with an angel etched on the top. I opened the box and a soft melody played. Duo sang softly with it.

" You know you're everything to me, and I could never see the two of us apart. I live my life for you…"

The tears that I tried to hold back began to fall. Duo's soft fingers brushed them away…

" Don't cry… I'm sorry" Duo stuttered.

I pulled him into my arms into a close hug. I pushed him back so he was laying under me. My hands played with his hair as I had longed to do earlier. I buried my head in his shoulder and whispered, " Duo… no one has ever cared about me… no one has ever… no one even asked when my birthday… thank you my angel. Aishiteru…"

My lips trailed kisses from his ear down his neck and back up to his cheek. My lips brushed his softly, and then took his in a long loving kiss. I put all my suppressed passion into that kiss. I pulled away to breath, and as the realization of what I'd just done hit me, I prepared to bolt. He would reject me, and I would loose my only friend. Before I could move he pulled me down to him and kissed me.

" Duo?" I ask.

" Heero… I… I love you too…" he murmurs.

I feel ultimate high when the meaning of his words sink in. He laughs softly and starts to pull off my jeans.

" Did you really think I'd reject you? When you showed you cared, when you gave me these boxers," he said as he slipped them off, " I was ecstatic that you'd shown that much feeling and then today when you kissed me… oh Heero…" he groaned as he pushed his naked form against mine. I smiled softly and pulled him to me.

" My angel…" I moaned as I began to explore my love's body…

A Look Inside: Duo

From the first time I saw him I knew I would fall for him. What's not to fall for? The sexy way his hair just falls into his eyes, the seductiveness of those twin pools of deep blue that, like the ocean, I could drown in? No, there's not one thing that I don't find totally irresistible about Heero Yuy, my best friend and partner. Most people would be afraid, or at least slightly intimidated by Heero's chants of, "Omea wa korosu", but they just make me want him more. After all, I am death. How could he kill me?

I remember when he first showed he really cared, I mean as more than my friend. Most people would say it was just a simple nice gesture, but they don't know Heero. He remembered my birthday, and what's more, he spent all day looking for a present for me. Black silk boxers. I still cherish the way they move against my skin. I imagine it's his silky fingers stroking my skin each time I move. The card was brief, but it said volumes for Heero. I mean, he actually got a card and wrote in it! I knew then that he loved me, and just to test it, I kissed him. It wasn't anything big, just my lips brushing softly across his, giving him a good idea of what he could have if only he'd take it…

As I step out of the shower and dry my hair, I begin to plot how tonight will go. It is Heero's birthday, and I want it to be special. Tonight is the night I make my move. Tonight, I seduce Heero. I walk out of the bathroom to find Heero sitting in bed writing in his journal. I was surprised when I first found out that he was keeping one, but I'm sure there a lot of things about each of us that no one would expect. I begin to slowly brush out my hair. He's watching me from behind his journal. I know he is, because he loves my hair. One night, I was sitting on our bed brushing my hair, and he reached out and touched the edges in the back. I guess he didn't think I'd feel it. I asked him to brush it out for me that night, saying I couldn't reach the ends. He mumbled about how I should just cut it, but he still took the brush from me and carefully ran it through my hair. He was so gentle. Every night I ask him to brush my hair for me, unless he's writing in his journal like tonight. I finish brushing my hair, and let the towel drop from my waist. I slowly walk over to our dresser and pull out the boxers he gave me. I pull them on slowly, trying to look seductive. I turn to look at him with a grin on my face. He must know that I'm up to something by now. I walk slowly to our bed, and then lay myself out next to him.

" Oi, Heero, whatcha writing?" I ask as I look over his shoulder.

" Let's see… today's date…"

" That's privet!" he yells at me.

We fight over his journal until it is knocked to the floor and I lay half-draped across him. I revel in the feeling of his tight muscled body under mine. I can feel him tense, and I know he's about to throw me off of him, so I quickly retrieve his gift from under the bed.

" Happy birthday, Heero," I say as I offer him the small box.

I watch for his reaction as he opens the card and reads. I professed my love for him in that card. He looks shocked, but quickly recovers and opens the present. It's a small wooden box with an angel carved in the front. I chose the box because of the wood. The deep mahogany reminds me of Heero. He opens the box and the soft melody that I chose played. Softly I sang with it.

" You know you're everything to me, and I could never see the two of us apart. I live my life for you…"

Tears began to fall from Heero's eyes. My Heero was crying, and it was all my fault.

" Heero, I'm sorry…"

He pulls me into a close embrace and pushes me back on the bed. His fingers caress my hair as he buries his head in my neck and I hear him whisper,

" Duo… no one has ever cared about me… no one has ever… no one even asked when my birthday… thank you my angel. Aishiteru…"

His lips trailed kisses from my ear down my neck and back up to my cheek. His lips brushed mine softly, and then took mine in a long loving kiss. How long had I waited for this moment? And here I was afraid I'd have to seduce him, but to find out that he loves me? That was more than I'd ever even dared to dream. As he pulls away, I can sense he's ready bolt. He must be fighting a battle inside… I've worked to hard, waited to long for this moment, and I'm not letting him get away. I role him so he's under me and claim his lips. They're soft, yet firm, and sweet as can be. I try to convey all my love and longing in that one kiss.

" Duo?" he asks.

" Heero… I… I love you too…" I murmur.

A shocked look crosses his face as he realizes the meaning of my words. I laugh softly at his surprise.

" Did you really think I'd reject you? When you showed you cared, when you gave me these boxers," I said even as I pulled them off, " I was ecstatic that you'd shown that much feeling and then today when you kissed me… oh Heero…" I groaned as I pushed my naked body against his. He smiled softly and pulled me to him.

" My angel…" he moaned as he began to explore my body.

I smiled and arched into his caresses. Heero was finally mine. He loved me, and I loved him, and we spent the rest of the night showing each other just how much.