Anthony
Hi there! My name's Anthony Jamison. I suppose you want to hear my story. Well,
it is pretty entertaining. I suppose everyone goes through this kind of thing when they're in
college, just not as crazy as my experience was. I mean, we all try to have the best time of
our lives while we're trying to become something. Oh, and we all learn to live with total
strangers for as long as we need to. My apartment mates were truly unique and it was quite
an experience living with them. Here's what happened:
It was my sophomore year at Purdue university. I had decided to live in an
apartment this year to get away from those small dorms. Anyway, I found this apartment on
campus with a fairly low rent and enough space for my tastes. I had met the landlord and we
got along fine. Turns out the four room building already had three other inhabitants before I
came along. They had been living there for two years already. When I asked why they
didn't have a fourth person already living there, the landlord was pretty quiet about the
reasons. All he said was that the other fourth persons who tried previously had left within a
week of moving in. When I tried to pursue the subject, he dodged it and I had to settle for,
"You'll see when you move in."
And so, a week before classes started, I pulled my Ford Explorer up to the small
apartment building. It wasn't anything fancy. Just a plain white, one story building, modest
in every way. All my stuff had fortunately fit in the back of the Explorer, after lowering the
seats. Since the place already had a fridge and a microwave, all I needed to bring were some
clothes and entertainment items (books, videos, videogames, and my computer). I was really
looking forward to living here.
After grabbing a small box full of miscellaneous things, I walked up to the front door
and knocked on it. A white guy answered the door, dressed in a bathrobe and boxer shorts
with his hair freshly messed up. I didn't think it was that early in the morning, but this guy
had obviously overslept. He looked at me and lazily said, "Yeah?"
"Hey, I'm Anthony Jamison."
The guy rubbed his eyes. "So?"
"Um, I'm the new tenant."
What I just said seemed to make the guy wake up. His eyes opened wider and he
opened the door all the way to step outside. "My name's Carson, Carson Jones." He held
out a hand, which I took. "Sorry I look like a mess, I just attended this all night bachelor
party."
"That's all right." I pointed to the box I had under my arm. "Can I put my stuff in
my room?"
"Oh, yeah! Just follow me."
Carson turned around and entered the apartment, and I followed. The front door led
to the living room, where I saw for the first time my other apartment mates. Sitting on the
couch, in front of the T.V., was a female in jeans and a halter top. But what really made her
stand out was the brown grocery bag she wore over her head. She had eye holes poked out
in the right place so she could, of course, see.
Behind her, in the little kitchen attached to the living room, was a girl dressed in a
bathrobe and wearing flip-flops, eating a regular breakfast of bacon and scrambled eggs.
She sure didn't seem odd compared to the girl with the sack over her head.
I followed Carson further, passed the living room/kitchen, into a little hallway with 4
doors. I followed him to the last door on the right side. He unlocked it with a key he pulled
out of one of his robe pockets and opened the door. I followed him into the room.
"Home sweet home," Carson said. He put the key down on the nearby desk
(included with the room) and turned to me. "I gotta clean up for lunch." He turned around
and walked out of the room, across the hallway, into his own room. Before closing the door,
he turned around and said to me, "Glad to have ya aboard."
"Thanks."
And he closed the door. I put down my box of stuff, picked up the key to the room,
pulled my keychain out of my pocket, and added the key to it. After putting the keychain
back into my pocket, I started the task of moving in.
About half an hour later, I had finished moving in all my stuff and even arranged
some of it in my room. The room itself was really cozy. Size wise, the room was about
doubled that of my dorm room last year. I had plenty of room for my stereo, CD's, laptop
computer, T.V., V.C.R., videos, books, videogames, clothes, personal items, and everything
else I brought along. As you can imagine, I was looking forward to all that legroom.
It was around lunchtime, so I decided to go to the living room/kitchen and see if I
could dig something up. Plus I could even meet my new apartment mates.
I walked over and saw the girl with the bag over her head still sitting on the couch.
The girl who was eating breakfast that morning was gone. In her place was a guy dressed in
baggy jeans, an oversized T-shirt, sneakers, and eating lunch. Where had the girl gone? I
walked over to see what he was having.
"What are you eating?" I asked.
The guy stopped eating, looked at his food, looked up at me, and replied, "I'm not
sure."
As he answered, there was something about his voice that seemed odd. It was fairly
high for a guy's voice, and sounded a little strained. He looked normal, with a crew-cut
head of brown hair. He was a little skinnier than me, but something was weird about that
too. His hips didn't look right. It was his hands that I noticed last. His index fingers were
longer than his ring fingers. It was then that I realized it.
By then, I had been staring at him for a while. "What?"
I asked the question slowly. "Are you that girl I saw this morning?"
The "guy" practically dropped his jaw to the ground. In a voice that was definitely
female, she asked, "How'd you know?"
I pointed to one of her hands, the one containing a newspaper. "Your hands. Guys
have longer ring fingers than index fingers. Women are the opposite."
The girl looked at her hands, then at my hands. She was amazed to see that I was
telling the truth. "Wow, that's good. I thought for sure I had you fooled."
I smiled as I sat down across from her. "Well, it's something most people don't look
for. I just happened to look at the right place at the right time."
The woman put down her newspaper and held a hand out to me. "My name's
Christina Marx, but most people call me Chris, since they think I'm a guy."
I took her hand. "Anthony Jamison. Pleased to meet you."
We shook briefly and let go.
I asked, "So, why do you do it?"
"Dress and act like a guy?"
"Yeah."
Christina put her fork down and crossed her arms in front of her. It was then that I
noticed she had breasts, and I wondered how she hid them. But I concentrated on what she
had to say.
"I've been raised by my single father all my life. He didn't know how to raise a girl,
so he raised me as a son. My aunt was there for me when I started realizing I was different,
but for the most part, I was just 'one of the guys.' It's just easier for me to act like a guy
than a girl, that's all."
I nodded. "Interesting."
She put her elbows on the table and leaned forward. "So, what do you do?"
"Well, I'm majoring in computer engineering. But that's only for the money."
"What do you really want to do?"
I paused to think a little.
"I suppose I'd love to write."
"Write? Like stories?"
"Short stories, poetry, novels, I like them all."
Christina smiled and said, "Looks like I know a Shakespeare in the making."
I smiled back and shook my head. "No, I'm just a hopeless romantic who wants to
express my deep depression over my bad luck with the opposite sex."
"I'm sure it's not that bad."
"Oh, it's bad. Take yesterday for instance. I was on my way to the Union when I
saw this girl I knew from math class last semester. We had only talked once before, so I
decided to go have a chat with her. We walked to the Union and I thought I might like to try
having a relationship with her until she said one thing."
"What'd she say?"
"'My boyfriend's an engineering major too.'"
Christina stared at me for a second. "So?"
I looked at her. "So I can't get anywhere with her. Of all the people I choose to
pursue, I chose one who already has a boyfriend."
"I'm sure it's not as bad as you think."
"Yeah, it's worse. The girl I had a crush on in high school had a boyfriend when I
told her of my feelings for her. We became good friends and I had hope, but when she
became single again, what does she do? She decides to stay single for a while."
"Oh."
"Yeah. Then, just as I graduated, she got back together with her old boyfriend."
Christina said softly, "I'm sorry."
I smiled at her. "It's okay. I take it as a message from God. 'Don't even try,' that's
what He's telling me."
Christina just looked at me a while and I could tell she wanted to say something else,
but she couldn't think of what to say. So, I changed the subject, just as any coward would
do.
"What's her story?" I asked as I glanced and pointed to the girl with the sack over
her head.
Christina seemed a little relieved by the change. She tucked her hands under the
table as she explained.
"Her name's Jennifer Howe. She wears that grocery bag over her head because she
killed someone."
"What?"
". . .Well, not intentionally. You see, she is the most beautiful girl anyone has ever
seen. One day, this guy bladed past her and stared, as many guys did. But instead of
running into a tree or some other inanimate object, he was hit by a car."
"Ouch."
"The guy died and his family didn't press any charges. Jennifer, however, felt guilty
and vowed to never again distract a guy. So she wears that grocery sack over her head."
I looked briefly at Jennifer, then back at Christina. "I thought my problem was fairly
unique."
Christina continued. "Then, there's Carson. He works so much that his biological
clock is out of wack. He has to eat breakfast for dinner and dinner for breakfast or else he
won't feel right for the rest of the day."
"Well, that's not so bad."
"It wouldn't be if he didn't go out and date so much."
"Why?"
"Have you ever tried to order bacon and eggs at eight in the evening?"
"Not unless I'm at IHOP."
"Than you don't know how embarrassing and stressful the experience is, not to
mention the impression it makes on his dates. He hasn't had a steady for years."
I paused in contemplation. These people were really normal people. They just had
the weirdest problems. They made my problem look trivial in comparison. It was gonna be
interesting living under the same roof as them.
"So, what do you think?" Christina finally asked.
I looked at her and smiled. "This year outta be pretty interesting. . . Chris."
Christina laughed.
That first week went by really quickly. It wasn't hard adjusting to the new
environment. In fact, my apartment partners made it very interesting. We had to keep the
refrigerator stocked equally with breakfast and dinner items for Carson (amazingly, lunch
was normal for him). Whenever Christina's friends would come over (consisting of guys, of
course), I had to remind myself they think she's a guy. If only they knew that one of the
coolest guys they hang out with was really a girl. And Jennifer feels strange to talk to, what
with that bag over her head and all. I wish I could see her face, but she thinks that would
lead to my ultimate death. With my luck with women, I'd hate to tempt fate, so I have to get
use to the bag.
But, at night, we all sat down and watched the tube together. It's the only time when
we can act truly normal, letting our guards down and talking about all the occurrences of the
day. We even argued over what shows to watch, which has worked its way into the routine.
Actually, they did this before I got there, I just evened the odds. Now the two girls had
another guy to deal with, and Carson had found in me a valuable ally. Take last night for
example. It was around ten and we were in our usual places, the girls on the couch, Carson
on the floor, and me on one of the side chairs. The argument was whether to watch Jay Leno
or David Letterman. Carson and I wanted David, while the girls wanted Jay. It seemed like
we made this particular argument every night.
"Why you wanna watch Leno? He's just a wanna-be!" Carson always started with
this argument.
"He's so funny though!" said Jennifer.
"Yeah, and he's kinda cute, if you like that childish look," Christina lent out.
Carson rebuttled. "This, coming from a girl who could probably beat him in an arm
wrestling match."
"Hey, I'm still a girl!"
And, as usual, they all turned to me for the final decision. I just looked at them for a
second, then formulated my answer. "Letterman, definitely."
Chris threw a pillow at me. "You're such a male."
"You should know!" I shot right back. "Okay, we'll watch Jay next time, okay?"
Jennifer asked, "You promise?"
"Yeah."
Carson looked at me. "You spineless jellyfish!"
I had to defend myself. "Hey, I can't bear it if a girl is disappointed in me!"
"And you wonder why you can't pick up women."
Chris, on cue, helped in my defense. "If you were half the man Anthony was, you'd
have women all over you right now."
"I'll have you know, I'm twice the man he is!"
And after that, we usually also argued about petty things, like who got to channel
surf. I really enjoyed these late night rantings. It's great inspiration for my writing.
School has re-started. Technically, it's my first year in the specialized school of
computer engineering. My class schedule was packed about as much as my freshman year
was, more so in fact. I had barely enough room to squeeze in a writing class. As it looked,
my second year at Purdue was going to be jam packed with learning. Fun.
After that first week, I got a good idea on how much off time I had for homework,
laundry, and other stuff. I saw my apartment mates a lot less, but I still saw them at
breakfast, dinner, and for our regular living room quarrel. I also saw at least one of them
every time I came back to my room, in between classes. At this point, it seems I have been
assimilated totally into my apartment mates' lives. And I felt like I had a family again.
Three weeks have gone by. Like anyone who has gone to an institution for a lengthy
amount of time, I had worked into a daily routine. This, of course, made the weeks pass by
a lot faster, and three weeks seemed like only one. My favorite class was definitely my
writing class. Unlike last year's writing class, this one offered a lot more on the creative
side. Assignments consisted of writing poetry, prose, and narrative essays. I loved it. The
science classes I took for my major were mind taxing, so my writing class was a great place
to release tension creatively.
On an interesting note, I had started becoming friends with a girl in the class. We
had been assigned a project every week and were supposed to do each with a partner. Turns
out I was put with this girl as my partner. Her name was Corrie. And we spent time in class
and time out of class talking about our project and just talking. Turns out we were both
hopeless romantics and we really seemed to get along well together. I was starting to feel
attracted to her and, with my luck, was worried with what might happen. I had to tell one of
my apartment mates. So, one day after an afternoon class, I came back to relax in the living
room. Sitting down and watching T.V. when I came back was Jennifer. I hadn't really
spoken to her very much, so this was as good a time as any.
I sat down and said, "Hi Jenn."
"Hi, John."
"What's on?"
"Nothing really, mostly talk shows. Did you know Roseanne has her own talk show
now?"
"No I didn't."
We watched it for a little while. Then I asked her a question.
"Hey, Jenn, can I ask you a question?"
"Shoot."
"Okay, you know about my luck with girls, right?"
"Yeah."
"Well, there's this girl I've been hanging around with in my writing class. I guess
we're friends now. And I think I want to ask her out, but I don't know if I should. My bad
luck could work against me once again. So, what should I do?"
Jennifer leaned forward and turned her total attention over to me. "Do you like
her?"
I thought for a second. "Yeah, I guess I do."
"Then I think you should go for it."
"Ask her out?"
"Yeah."
"But what about my bad luck?"
"Forget about that! Take a chance. For all you know, this could be the one of your
dreams."
"I don't know . . ."
"Trust me. Even if it doesn't work out, at least you'll know, right?"
"Yeah, I guess you're right."
"Of course I am."
Jennifer leaned back into the couch and resumed watching the tube. I stared at her
for a second, and she noticed.
"What?"
"I was just thinking. You should listen to your own advice."
"What are you talking about?"
I pointed to the sack over her head. "Why don't you take it off?"
"You know why. I could kill someone!"
I looked into her eyes. "I'd love to see your face."
There was silence for a while after I said that. The television kept going, but other
than that, awkwardness filled the room. Finally, Jennifer broke the silence.
"I don't want you to die."
"Come on, I won't die!"
"I mean it! This is serious!" The volume and tone of her voice meant she was. She
lowered her head before continuing. "Have you ever been to a funeral?"
"For my grandparents . . ."
"No, I mean for someone young, like us."
I shook my head.
"You know the guy who died looking at me? I attended his funeral. It was the least
I could do. I saw his parents there. His mom was crying and she kept asking why this
happened. Why did he die a senseless death?"
I knew what was coming next.
"Because of me, that's why. I was so worried about looking good for everyone. My
parents, my boyfriend, I wanted to look my best for them all the time. But, because of my
vanity, someone died. Seeing his parents only made my guilt worse. So, please, for your
own safety, don't mention me taking this thing off my head."
I just looked at her for a second. I looked into her eyes and saw real sadness in them.
She really believed that this one coincidence meant she was cursed like I was. I had to tell
her it just wasn't true.
"I don't doubt that the experience must've been really depressing and enlightening.
But I don't think you should beat yourself up over it. And wearing that bag over your head
seems like you're going too far."
"But it's the only way . . ."
"To do what? Hide?"
"I'm not hiding."
"True, but you're not trying to beat the odds, are you?"
Jennifer shook her head.
"You should listen to yourself. That advice you just gave me about going for it, it'll
work for you too. I'm sure."
"And what about the guys who look at me?"
"Don't worry about them. It's not your fault if they get injured or even killed.
Besides, I could think of much more terrible ways to die than looking at a beautiful girl."
There was a short pause before Jennifer said, "Thank you. Maybe I'll take this sack
off someday, but not anytime soon."
I smiled and nodded in understanding. Then we both turned our attention to the T.V.
More time went by. I asked that girl out and we dated for a while, a couple weeks or
so. It was great at first. But, not surprisingly, my bad luck kicked in. She met someone else
and started seeing another guy. I didn't know about it until the day she broke up with me.
The next day, I saw her with the guy. Ironically, it was someone I had known in high
school. This guy had been a real lady's man back then and he appeared to still be one now.
Fate is such a cruel thing. We were still project partners in class, but it was back to the
platonic level. I felt really depressed and wrote about it, once again. I even went so far as
submit a poem to a contest I read about in the school paper. A publishing company was
having a contest for amateur poets and the first prize was a thousand bucks. So, I figured,
what the hell? There was nothing to lose.
A week after submitting the haiku, I received a letter from the publishing company.
My poem had made it to the semi-finals and was automatically considered for publishing in
a book, with my permission. They even wanted to have it read by a professional and put on
an audiotape of poetry. I was flabbergasted. I didn't even think the poem I wrote was any
good. But the publishers liked it, so I went along for the ride.
I didn't tell my apartment mates about what I had done, but I decided to tell them
after finding out about my good fortune. It was as good a time as any during our nightly
routine. We were watching an episode of the Simpsons when I brought it up, during one of
the commercial breaks.
"Hey, guess what I got today."
"What?" asked Chris.
"A letter from a publishing company."
"Yawn," said Carson.
"What about?" asked Jennifer.
"I submitted a poem to this contest last week. Apparently, it's in the semi-finals and
the publishing company running it wants to put it in a book."
"Wow," said Jennifer.
"That's great!" said Chris.
"Yeah, I guess. They're even gonna have a person read it and put it on an audiotape
with other poems."
The two girls were real suckers for poetry, but Carson could've cared less. Then
again, that's what I expected from a guy. His next question surprised me.
"What was the poem about?"
"What was it about? Well, it was about, um . . ."
"Her?" asked Jennifer. She knew.
"Yeah."
Carson jumped on the chance. "See what you girls do to us men?"
"What?" asked Chris.
"You tease and torment us and drive us to write poetry! If it weren't for all the
suffering you put us through . . ."
"Hey, it's not our fault!" said Jennifer. "If you men weren't so pig headed, we
wouldn't be shopping around so much."
"We are not pig headed!"
I just looked at Christina with amusement, and she looked at me with equal
amusement. Jennifer and Carson always got into this kind of argument about which sex was
at fault. Chris and I usually just listened and kept track of the score. So far, Jennifer was
ahead, but Carson was catching up fast. Then, Carson decided it was time we joined in.
"I'm sure Chris will agree with me! We're not pigheaded!"
Chris replied, "Well, not all of you."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"In general, guys are, well, repulsive."
"But you hang around us all the time!"
"Yeah, but it's not like I like everything about them."
"Okay, well then who isn't repulsive?"
"Anthony, of course!"
I just looked at Carson like I didn't know what she was talking about, or at least, I
faked it.
Jennifer helped Chris out. "Unlike you, he's kind and sensitive. We look for that in
a man."
"Kind and sensitive my ass! How can a guy have any pride when he's like that?"
"I don't," I said.
"Whatever. I still think it's the women's fault that we're made to suffer."
Jennifer threw a pillow at him, and he countered with his own. Christina and I
watched as the two had a pillow fight. Then we looked at each other and realized something.
But we had to wait a few days to discuss it.
"Did you notice how Jennifer and Carson were acting?" asked Chris. It was
lunchtime on Tuesday and we both came back to the apartment for lunch.
"Yeah. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
We looked at each other and smiled. Chris verbalized it. "They can't stand each
other."
And I finished, "And they like it!"
"This is just too good!"
"I know! I couldn't have written this in a story any better."
"Should we tell them?"
"Naw, I don't think they realize it. I'm surprised you didn't notice until now."
Chris looked up and crinkled her nose in thought. When she did that. . .
"They have been doing that for a long time. I guess I never noticed until you saw it
too."
"So, what should we do?"
"I don't know."
I thought for a second. Then I got an idea. I had to run it past Christina. "Hey, did
Jennifer ever get jealous when Carson had a girlfriend?"
"Now that you mention it, she always did act sort of irritated whenever Carson
brought his girlfriends over. I always thought she just didn't like them, but she did it every
time. What did you have in mind?"
I thought a little more to formulate the plan. "Well, we know Jennifer has feelings
for Carson. I'm not sure if Carson has the same feelings, though. Here's what I'm thinking,
I could ask Jennifer out and we can see what Carson acts like."
"Or one of your friends," Chris interrupted.
"What?" I asked.
"Well, it doesn't have to be you, does it?"
What was Christina doing? "I think I better do it. I know what we're trying to do."
"Well, okay."
"Then, while she and I are having a great time, you tell Carson about it. If it goes
how I think it will, he'll act jealous and you can then tell him the truth about his feelings."
"And what will you do?"
"I'll try and weasel the truth out of Jennifer at the same time. How's that?"
Christina thought about it for a while. Then, she looked at me and held out a hand.
"We have a plan, captain Ahab."
I took her hand.
She released it after a shake and said, "I hope nothing goes wrong."
Then, I said something I shouldn't have. "Don't worry! What could possibly go
wrong?"
We decided on that Saturday night as the night for out sting operation. During the
week, Christina and I made plans and even had a time table. Here's how it went:
8:00 Anthony-Take Jennifer out to Friday's
Christina-Sit down and watch t.v. with Carson
9:00 Anthony-Walk in the park with Jennifer. Try to get her to confess feelings.
Christina-Talk with Carson and try to get a confession out of him.
9:30-10 Anthony-Takes Jennifer home to a waiting Carson.
Christina-Build Carson up for the inevitable.
That was the plan, plain and simple. I asked Jennifer if she'd like to go out on
Saturday and she said yes. Meanwhile, Christina asked if she could join Carson for his
Saturday night Comedy Network and beer drinking ritual. Everything was set. Christina
and I just sat back and watched the two argue as they usually did every night, with the
thought that they'll know the truth by next week. The thought warmed our hearts to stupid
happiness. Matchmaking is such a fun profession. Maybe I can be a matchmaking writer?
Who knows? Then again, I really shouldn't spread my bad luck around.
Saturday came by fast. That morning, Christina and I reviewed our plan and
finalized everything. I reminded Jennifer about our little date and she said she was looking
forward to it. So, that whole day, Christina and I waited in anticipation.
7:30. I was ready and waiting in the kitchen, wearing just some khakis and a
collared T-shirt. Nothing really special. Then Jennifer came out of her room. Other than
the bag on her head, she looked great in her flower print summer dress.
"You look great!" I said.
"Thank you," she replied.
"All you need is that bag off your head."
She shook her head. "Thanks, but I better not."
I nodded in understanding. I turned to Carson, who was sitting on the couch and was
turned and looking at us. "Don't wait up for us, okay?"
Carson turned around and acted like he was not interested. "Whatever." He failed.
"Okay, you wanna go?" I asked.
"Yeah," Jennifer answered. As I held the door open for her, she glanced at Carson
for an instant before leaving the place. He didn't notice, but I did.
We went to Friday's and it was a busy night as always. The noise was too loud for
us to speak, which is why I planned on taking her out to the park afterwards. We had some
food and shouted some stuff to each other, but then left. I walked her to the nearby park and
we chatted.
As we walked, I started my cross-examination. "So, what did you think of the
food?"
"It was okay. The environment could've been better."
We sat down at a bench.
I continued. "Jenn, how were you and your boyfriend like before?"
"You mean before the thing happened?"
"Yeah."
She took a moment to think and compose what she was going to say.
"It was fun. My boyfriend was a junior and he was already captain of the basketball
team. That made me the most popular girl in the school."
"As a freshman?"
"Yeah. I was really happy for a while. Then it started getting boring."
"How?"
"Well, everyone was almost afraid of me. I was, like, the queen. So everyone just
listened to me and never talked back, you know?"
"Not really, but I can imagine."
"It was too much for me, not having any real friends. So, I broke up with him."
"Did everything change?"
"No, there wasn't enough time to. It happened right afterward."
"Oh. . ."
There was silence.
She broke the silence. "How was your high school experience?"
I thought about it for a second. "I was a regular outsider."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, to start off, I was in band. That automatically made me a dork. Then, I was
considered a smart guy. And, to top it all off, I was Filipino. Needless to say, I was a social
disaster."
"I'm sure it wasn't that bad."
"Yeah, it probably wasn't, but that was fine with me. Being an outsider has its
advantages."
"Like what?"
"I could do whatever I wanted without anyone telling me otherwise. No peer-
pressure either."
"Bet that made it hard to get a girlfriend, huh?"
I hung my head.
She said, "I'm sorry."
I looked up at her. "It's okay. That's reality for you. Can't change it."
"I wish it could be changed."
"Well, there are some good things that came out of it. I started writing because of
my depression and now I'm pretty good at it. Plus, I can really play the blues."
Jennifer nodded.
I came back to my original mission. "Do you want to go out with anyone now?"
"I'm out with you."
"No, I mean date anyone?"
She shook her head.
"No one?"
"No."
I had to drop the bomb. "Not even Carson?"
She laughed. "Carson? He's the most immature, impatient, ignorant guy I know!
He's lazy, chauvinistic, immature. . ."
"You said that already."
". . . He's not anywhere near dating material."
"What about all those girls he dated?"
"They were all bimbos! His taste in women leaves much to be desired."
"So who should he date?"
"Someone more decent, of course. Someone like. . ."
"You?"
That got Jennifer off guard. She tried to recover from her moment of shock. "No!
No way! He wouldn't want to date someone like me!" She failed.
I had her. "You say that like you almost want to date him."
"Hah! Why would I want to date that jerk?"
"You tell me."
She tried to convince me. "He's immature, insensitive, lazy. . ."
"Ugly?"
She stuttered, "Ye. . . Yeah!"
I laughed. This was all so great. I continued. "You should hear yourself! This is
hilarious!"
She was about to yell at me when what I said sunk in. Looking down, she chuckled.
"I guess you've made your point."
I smiled. "That's what I was hoping to do."
She looked up at me again, but sounded almost defeated. "He won't want to go out
with me. I'm just a friend to him."
My smile faded. I turned serious. "I think he would. He likes you a lot, I can tell.
If you told him you were interested, I think he'd go for it."
Hope seemed to fill her up. "Really?"
I smiled again. "Yeah."
At around this time, something happened. But, before I tell you, I have to tell you
what happened back at the apartment with Christina and Carson. They were just sitting and
watching T.V. when Christina tried her part of the plan, getting Carson to admit his feelings
for Jennifer.
"So, Carson, how's it going?"
He looked at Christina and cocked an eyebrow. "What are you up to?"
"What do you mean?"
"You never ask me what's going on."
She tried her best to be nonchalant. "Oh, I just wanted to know how your life's been
lately."
"It's been the usual, crappy."
"What happened to the last girl you were dating?"
"We broke up. Big surprise. This time, she had the courage to break up on the first
date, right after I ordered breakfast at Piere's."
"What was her name?"
"I don't remember."
They both looked back at the T.V. Chris tried to pry some more. "You have any
plans to date anyone else?"
"Nope."
"Why not? I bet there's someone who you'd like to take out."
"Nope."
"How about Jennifer?"
Carson snapped his head around at Chris. "Jennifer?"
"Yeah."
Carson was about to answer when his face lit up, like he realized something. He
pointed at Chris and said, "Jealous?"
Chris was confused. "Jealous? What do you mean by that?"
"She's out with Anthony right now. Afraid she'll steal your guy?"
Christina's mouth was agape. She didn't expect this. "No! What makes you think I
care what happens to Anthony?"
"I don't know, just a hunch."
She tried her best to recover. "Well, just think about what will happen if Jennifer
takes the bag off her head. What could happen to every guy within eye contact?"
Carson eyes widened. He looked at Chris and said, "Your bluffing."
"Am I? If they end up kissing, she has to take off the bag. Then they'll be kissing
and smooching and . . ."
"Shit! I have to go save Anthony!"
Carson jumped up from the couch and ran to the door. As he opened it, Christina
yelled, "Wait! That's not what I meant!"
Carson ignored her and ran out the door. Chris sighed and turned to the T.V. She
left the problem in my hands.
Right after I smiled, I heard a yell. Some guy was running at us.
"Anthony! Don't let Jenn take the bag off! You'll kill yourself!"
I recognized it as Carson, as did Jennifer. We looked at each other.
"Huh?"
Carson ran up to them. He was out of breath and panting hard when he stopped right
in front of them. He bent down at the waist to breath as he spoke. "Don't. . . do. . .it. Don't.
. . kiss. . . Anthony!"
Jennifer looked at him. "What are you talking about?"
". . . bag off. . . to kiss. You'll kill. . . him."
I had to say something. "Come on, Carson. That won't happen. It's not a curse or
anything."
Carson stood up straight. "Hey, I'm trying to keep you alive here! Besides, I can't
let Jenn kiss you anyway!"
"We weren't going to kiss."
"Yeah, Carson. We were just talking."
"Well, you could! Who else is going to watch Anthony's back?"
"Anthony's back? What about my back?" Jennifer was really insulted by Carson's
last remark. Now that she knew the truth about her own feeling, I guess she wanted him to
think higher of her. That meant he had to be concerned with her, too.
"What about your back?"
"I would have been affected, too!"
"But you'd still be alive. Anthony could die here!"
"Yeah, but my feelings could be hurt!"
"Yeah, but they're just feelings."
"You're so insensitive!!"
Jenn turned and stomped away, back home. I looked at Carson and shook my head,
then followed. Carson just shrugged his shoulders and followed both of us back home.
Jenn opened the door to our place and stomped past a surprised Christina, right to her
room. Carson and I entered right when she slammed the door. We looked at Christina. She
looked at me, crossed her arms, and asked, "What happened?"
Carson replied, "She's being sens . . ."
"I didn't ask you! Anthony?"
I looked at Carson, then at Christina. "There was a misunderstanding and Carson,
here, was his usual sensitive self."
"Hey! It's not my fault!"
Chris said back, "It sure sounds like it's your fault!"
"Well Anthony was there." He turned to me and said, "Tell her!"
There was a short pause before I answered. "Go apologize to her."
"What! It's not my fault!"
"It doesn't matter, Carson. You hurt her feelings, whether you meant to or not."
Carson calmed down and looked at the door to Jennifer's room.
Chris uncrossed her arms and walked up next to him. She then pushed him toward
the door and said, "Go apologize."
Carson looked back at Christina and I.
I urged him on. "Go!"
He turned back to the door and stood in front of it, knocked quietly on it, and asked,
"Jenn? Can I come in? It's Carson."
There was no reply. He turned the handle slowly and entered, closing the door
behind him. Chris and I ran up to the door and put our ears to it to listen in.
Jennifer said, while she was sobbing, "Why don't you care about me?"
After a short pause, Carson answered. "Jenn, I do care about you, but I was
watching out for Anthony."
"Why can't you watch out for me too?"
"What?" Carson's voice sounded surprised. "I never thought you needed me too."
"What do you mean?" Jennifer's sobs quieted a little.
"You're always making your own decisions and stuff without anyone's help. Why
would you need me to watch out for you when you're so good at watching out for yourself?"
"That's just it, Carson. I do need someone to watch out for me sometimes! And I
need someone who can understand my feelings."
"But you've got Anthony for that."
"Yeah, but I want you!"
Chris and I looked at each other. She had said it. The cat was out of the proverbial
bag.
After a long pause, Carson finally spoke up. "If you go out with me, you'll have to
deal with my eating habits . . ."
"I don't care! I'm used to it already."
"Okay, then on one condition. Take that bag off you're head."
Chris and I looked at each other again. This was a big deal now.
"But you'll die . . ."
"Hey, no pain no gain!"
"But this is more than pain, it's your life."
"Then I choose to end it looking at you, because I want to see beautiful face."
Wow, I wondered. Where did Carson get this all of a sudden? He went from jerk to
romantic in less than a minute. But what would happen next?
We heard Jenn's bed squeak. She asked, "Are you sure?"
"Yeah."
There was a long pause, then a rustle. After the rustle, there was a gasp from inside
the room, followed by another pause.
Jennifer asked, "Well?"
Carson said, with a quiet voice, "You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen."
I leaned back from the door and gave a thumbs up to Chris. She looked at me and
clapped her hands together while she smiled. I whispered to her, "I think we should give
them some privacy."
"Good idea," she whispered back. "See you tomorrow!"
"See you!"
And we walked into our rooms, leaving Carson and Jennifer to each other.
The next morning was Sunday, so I had to get up fairly early for the eleven o'clock
mass. I staggered my way to the kitchen for some breakfast before taking a shower. At the
kitchen counter was a brunette-haired girl eating some cereal. She had on a really long night
shirt with a Hello Kitty on the front. I was wondering who it was when I remembered last
night.
"Jenn?"
She turned to me and I saw her face for the first time. My God, I'd never seen
anyone with such a perfect face. I can't even describe it to you. Words wouldn't do her
justice. I just stood there staring for a while before she spoke.
"Hi Anthony! How're you this morning?"
I shook my head visibly to shake my stupor and she laughed. I answered, "Wow,
I've never seen an angel before."
"Thanks, that's sweet of you. I've decided to keep the bag off from now on."
"Good for you."
I grabbed a bowl and spoon, then sat down across from Jennifer. I took the box of
Lucky Charms, poured some into my bowl, put the box down, picked up the milk, poured
some on my cereal, put the milk down, picked up my spoon, and began eating.
Christina came in then and gasped audibly. Jennifer waved and said, "Hi!"
"Wow, Jenn! You look like an angel!"
"Thank you, that's twice today I've been called a heavenly being."
Chris followed about the same routine I did and, while she was eating, asked, "So
how was last night?"
"You mean after you two stopped listening in on us?"
Chris and I spit our cereal out and looked at her.
Jenn continued, "It was pretty obvious. I'd do the exact same thing. Anyway, it was
great. Carson and I spent time talking for a long while. I fell asleep on his shoulder and he
was sweet enough to stay with me all night. When I woke up this morning, he kissed me bye
and went back to his room."
"That's it?" Chris asked.
I said, "I didn't know Carson could be so romantic."
"I know! I'm really looking forward to our relationship now."
Chris grabbed Jennifer's hands and said, in a high pitched, childlike voice, "You're
so cute together!"
Jennifer squeaked back, "I know!"
I stood up, not being able to take the femininity flowing around, and took a shower.
The rest of the year was pretty uneventful. All this stuff I just told you happened
before winter, but during the rest of the year, everything was quiet. Carson and Jenn are still
together and going strong with no end in sight. I wouldn't be surprised if they got married.
No one has died looking and Jennifer and Carson has finally found someone who doesn't
mind his eating habits. They're a perfect couple. Chris and I them teasing them all the time.
Hey, it's what we like to do.
It's near the end of May and I was getting ready to move out for the summer. I
finished loading my last box of stuff and came back in to get a drink of O.J. Chris was
sitting at the counter, for what I didn't know. I poured some juice for myself and sat down
across from her. I decided to start a conversation. Little did I know it at the time, but this
conversation would stick out it my memory for the rest of my life.
"What's up?"
"Huh? Oh, nothing."
I took a sip of O.J. "There something you want to talk about?"
Chris thought for a second. Then she asked, "Do you have to leave?"
"What? Of course. You know the internship I got is back home."
"Yeah, yeah. It's just that, I'm gonna be so lonely here, alone."
She showed a sadness in her eyes right then that caught me off guard. I couldn't help
but feel like it was my fault.
"I'm sorry."
"Oh, no! It's not your fault. I just feel like I'm the only one not moving forward."
"What do you mean?"
"You're going off to make a name for yourself. You're interning at a good job in
the field you want to do for the rest of your life. And Jenn and Carson are really happy
together. I really envy them, going to Hawaii the whole summer. Then, there's me, stuck
here with nothing to do. All I can do is cross dress well and act like a guy. I'll never have a
normal life."
At that moment, she put her head in her hands and began to cry. This change in
emotions was not at all what I expected from Christina. I had always thought she was strong
by herself. A very independent feminist, even though she cross-dressed most of the time.
She was every bit a girl as Jennifer was, I realized now. And she thought she was a loser. I
had to do what I had to do.
"Christina. . ."
She looked up at me.
"You'll have a normal life. I'm sure of it."
Chris wiped tears from her cheeks. "How do you know?"
"I believe in you. You're a very smart person. You helped me out when I had
problems. Hey, we were able to get Jenn and Carson together!"
She giggled a little.
I continued, "And you're such a good actor. It's really hard for anyone to cross dress
like you do and get away with it."
"But it's not a useful talent."
"Sure it is! You could go into serious acting. Even be a good spy!"
She laughed at that, and I laughed with her.
"But really, you're way too gifted and smart to give up now. Go for it, don't let
reality stop you."
Chris wiped more tears from her eyes and said, "Thank you, Anthony. I still wish
you would stay with me."
"Why don't you have some of your friends stay here?"
"My homies? Naw, they're not as easy to talk to as you or the others. Besides, they
don't know I'm female, remember?"
"Details, details."
I finished my orange juice and got another glass. I sat back down and continued the
conversation. "Well, it looks like I'm the only one left."
Chris looked at me again and asked, "What are you talking about? I thought I was."
"No, I mean, I'm the only one who hasn't beaten my curse."
"Oh, the bad luck with females?"
"Yeah. You've just come to terms with your cross-dressing ability. Carson finally
found someone who doesn't mind his eating disorder and Jennifer came out of her bag. But
me, I'm still single and I think I'm going to stay that way."
"Don't say that. I'm sure you just need to find the right person."
"I wish it was that easy. As it is, I don't think I could take another failure. I'll
probably go into a monastery and forget having that sort of relationship all together."
I hung my head, letting the depression fill me. Christina saw it and stood up, sat
down next to me, and gave me a hug as she continued to speak.
"Don't say that. You're the most sensitive guy I know. You're kind and considerate
to other people's feelings and are always helping them out."
"Girls don't go for that, they want the fun loving type."
"Yeah, but we all hope to find a guy like you. If I wasn't such a good friend, I'd
want to . . . to . . ."
She stuttered to a halt. I turned to her and looked into her eyes. She smiled at me
and finished.
"But you're a great guy, you just need to find the right girl. Don't give up, you just
told me that. Now I'm telling you the same thing. Don't give up."
I smiled at her and said, "Thank you, Christina."
We hugged then, for a long time, letting everything that passed between us sink in.
After a silence filled the air for what seemed like an eternity, we released each other and
Christina sat back down on her seat. I looked at the clock. It was three in the afternoon. It
was time for me to leave. I stood up and put the glass I used in the sink. Chris realized what
I was doing.
"Do you have to go?"
I smiled at her. "Haven't we been through this already?'
She smiled back. "Yeah."
"Don't worry, we can still keep in touch."
"How?"
"You can write to me. You have my home e-mail address?"
"Yeah."
"You can write me there or just write me a regular letter. I'll even call every
weekend. How's that?"
"It's the best I can hope for. I'll keep you updated on Jenn and Carson's Hawaii
adventure."
I made my way to the front door. Chris stood up and walked with me to it. I opened
the door and we stepped outside. We stopped in front of my Explorer.
Christina said, "You better keep me updated on your job and family!"
"I promise I will."
"Good."
"Remember to write!"
"I will. Remember to call!"
"Every weekend."
"Good!"
"Well . . ."
"Well . . ."
"I'll see you in three months, and talk to you later."
"Okay. One more hug?"
"Sure!"
We hugged, patting each other on the back. Then we let go. I got into my vehicle
and started it up. Christina leaned in and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
"Love you!"
She leaned back. I felt my cheek for a second, then turned to her and replied, "Love
you too!"
"Bye!"
"Bye!"
I put the thing on drive and waved to Chris, and she waved back. Then I stepped on
the gas and drove off, ending my sophomore year at Purdue. Over the summer, Chris and I
kept in touch. She told me of her summer semester in the Liberal Arts school of acting and I
told her of my job. She told me of Jenn and Carson's many frustrations with bringing fruit
through customs and I told her of how one of my best friends got married. Before we knew
it, three months had gone by, and it was once again time to go back to good old Purdue. I
looked forward to coming back again, not so much for the school, but, of course, for the
chance to see my friends again. Nothing will top that first year I spent with them in the
apartment, but who knows? Anything can happen when you're not paying attention.
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