GENMA & SOUUN WRITE A FIC by Scott K. Jamison (Takahashi created the characters. The plotline is borrowed from other stories.) The two middle-aged men tiptoed as they entered Nabiki's room. "Are you sure this is a good idea, Saotome?" asked the one with hair. "Absolutely, Tendou. Everyone else is doing it. Do you remember the password?" "Yes." Souun moved to the computer, typed in "GIMMEMONEY", and stared in confusion as the screen failed to light up. "Perhaps if we turn it on, Tendou." "Quite right, Saotome." Eighteen minutes and three false starts later, the two finally had the word-processing program operating. "Let's begin." * * * Ranma sat in the living room, his manly (man among men, in truth) bearing showing his true manliness. He gazed at his true love Akane. If only he could break through his foolish rebellion and admit his feelings! * * * "Laying it on a bit thick, aren't we, Saotome?" "Let's see you do better, Tendou." * * * Akane gazed back at him, the affection she hid behind a mask of anger yearning to break free. But how could she abandon her pride and let him know how she truly felt? They continued sitting quietly, neither daring to move lest they begin another quarrel. Suddenly, their fathers, who were not self-insert characters * * * "Tendou, precisely what is a `self-insert character' anyway?" "I'm not sure, Saotome. Some sort of American perversion even the Master disdains." "Oh." * * * who were *definitely* not self-insert characters, burst into the room. Each of them grabbed their child by the head and pushed them together so that the affianced couple's lips met in a kiss. Ranma and Akane's eyes went wide, then closed as they both leaned into the kiss, and then embraced each other. "I love you, Akane!" said Ranma. "Let's get married!" "Okay! I love you too! But what of all our problems?" replied his soon-to-be bride. "Not to worry!" said Akane's father, the strappingly handsome patriarch. "We have matters well in hand!" Nabiki came in leading the Kunou boy by the hand. "You were right Daddy! Getting Kunou-baby to have a lobotomy was a brilliant idea. His personality is much better now, and we're getting married so no one in our family will ever be poor again!" * * * "My turn, Tendou." * * * Ranma said, "But what about my engagement to Ukkyo?" * * * "That's `Ukyou', Saotome." "I know what I'm doing, Tendou." * * * Ranma's wise and benevolent father replied, "No problem son. She's run off with that ninja girl from the restaurant. Always knew she wasn't really interested in boys." The wall caved in as the stupid and annoying Shampoo entered. "Aiyah! Shampoo no give up Ranma!" * * * "Saotome, you do realize `Aiyah' actually has a meaning, right?" "It does? I really must bother learning Chinese sometime." * * * Shampoo was promptly cold-cocked by the boy in glasses, Mousse, right, and then declared her love for him and they both went away forever. At this point, Ranma's mother Nodoka came in. She was pleased to see Ranma hugging and kissing Akane, and doing some things that he probably should've waited until after the wedding for. * * * "My turn, Saotome." * * * "Well, it's about time," Nodoka said. "But I'm afraid that because of the curse, I still can't say that you've succeeded in making Ranma a man among men, so you'll have to commit seppuku." * * * "Tendou, what the hell do you think you're doing?!" "Putting some much-needed dramatic tension into the story. Don't worry. See this next paragraph." * * * At that moment, Kasumi came in carrying the father's former master. "Father, I've convinced Grandfather Happosai of the evil of his ways." The hideous dwarf bowed before his students. "I was wrong to harass and harm you, and to make up for what I did, I'll cure Ranma of his curse." With that he sprayed water on Ranma, who shimmered and became two people, one male and one female. The male Ranma leaped into the air, then kissed Akane again. "I'm cured!" The female Ranma just stood blankly. "What about her?" asked Akane's compassionate father. "Not done yet, sonny," replied Happosai. He pulled out a scroll and read a spell aloud. The female Ranma's eyes filled with intelligence. She smiled and hugged Akane's father. "It's so good to see you again, husband! It's me, Kimiko! Your old master has given his life so that I can live again in this new body!" And indeed, Happosai had kicked the bucket. "And now that Mother's back, I can marry that nice doctor!" Kasumi enthused. * * * "Back to me, Tendou." * * * Nodoka smiled at her husband. "You have fulfilled all your promises, and shown yourself to be a true man. From now on, I will never question you again." The two embraced. And they all lived happily ever after. The End. * * * "*snf* That was beautiful, Saotome." "Thank you, Tendou. Now, let's send it off." "Not that button, it's...Delete." "Oops." "Hi Daddy, I'm home." Nabiki smiled at the two fathers as they registered her presence. "I can retrieve that file for you...for a price. I'll just add it to the rental fee for computer time." REALLY THE END Note: This was inspired by Gary Kleppe's "Hiroshi and Daisuke Write a Fic" and several imitators. Yes, it is supposed to be that bad. Comments? SKJAM! majks@cyberx.com