Alfred E. Neuman Quotes

 Alfred E. Neuman. He's the freaky little kid that has appeared on almost
 every MAD cover, and also has had a "thought provoking" quote in just
 about every issue. Some of his quotes sound so intelligent that they might
 lead you to believe that he's not a complete idiot. But he is.
 Anyway, here are the quotes since issue #335!

 "Smoking helps you lose weight -- one lung at a time!"

 "Today, if you ask a car dealer to let you see something for 10 grand,
 he'll show you the door!"

 "Medical insurance is what allows people to be ill at ease!"

 "Prison inmates are treated to cable TV, hot meals and a college
 education, while on the outside some people can only afford these
 things through a life of crime!"

 "Thank's to the new welfare bill, the question "Paper or plastic?" now
 refers to many American's sleeping arrangements!"

 "In retrospect it becomes clear that hindsight is definitely overrated!"

 "Most people are so lazy, they don't even exercise good judgement!"

 "If opera is entertainment, then falling off a roof is transportation!"

 "A college jock is someone who minds his build instead of vice versa!"

 "The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much
 cheaper!"

 "Getting old is when a narrow waist and a broad mind change places!"

 "How come stealing from one book is plagiarism, but stealing from many is
 research?"

 "It takes one to know one -- and vice versa!"

 "Nowadays, a balanced diet is when every McNugget weighs the same!"

 "Teenagers are people who act like babies if they're not treated like
 adults!"

 "A teacher is someone who talks in our sleep!"

 "How come we choose from just two people for President, and fifty for Miss
 America?"

 "Who says nothing is impossible? Some people do it every day!"

 "You can be on the right track and still get hit by a train!"

 "Blood is thicker than water... but it makes lousy lemonade!"

 "The U.N. is a place where governments opposed to free speech demand to be
 heard!"

 "A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when
 you pick your nose!"