Bad taste personified R(A)
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  One day, one MatSalleh from USA arrived in Subang Airport, after he
checked out from the custom, he felt like going to the toilet, so he  was
looking for the toilet, when he found the toilet, there was an old lady
sitting in front of the toilet.

  When he was about to enter the toilet, the old lady stopped him and
said "fourty cent.." in Cantonese (Say Kok).  Tthe MatSalleh just wonder
why in Malaysia had to 'see cock' (fourty cent in cantonese) before 
entering the toilet.  He said "No..", but the old lady insisted. So no 
choice, he took out his **** and showed her. 
 
  The old lady said "no, no, no, duit, duit!" (money in malay) but the
MatSalleh misunderstand again because he thought she said "DO IT, DO
IT" so he ask " NOW? HERE ?".  The old lady just reply "YES, YES," because
she didn't understand English.
 
  The MatSalleh thought she agreed to have sex with him, so he stripped
up the old lady and made love with her, but the old lady screamed and said
"SAKIT, SAKIT" (Pain in Malay).

  Again he think it is 'suck it, suck it', he said "OK, I suck for you.."
and he took the breast and suck.
 
  The old lady again said "YA ALLAH, TUHAN." "Too HARD, OK sweet heart,
I'll be gentle a bit, OK?" the MatSalleh said.
 
  Suddenly the security walked by, and the old lady asked for help,
  "TOLONG, TOLONG, ENCIK.".

  "No too long, just about 6 inches only" he replied. 
 
 __________________________________________________
  FATHER  & SISTER
 
  It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath and young Sister
Magdalene Edwards had prepared the bath water and towels just the way
the old nun had instructed.   Sister Magdalene Edwards was also instructed
not to look at Fr. John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he
told her to do, and pray.
 
  The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday
night bath had done.
  
  "Oh, sister," said the young nun dreamily."I've been saved."
 
  "Saved? And how did that fine thing come about?" asked the old nun.
  
  "Well, when Fr. John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him,
and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs 
where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven."
 
  "Did he now," said the old nun evenly.
  
  Sister Magdalene continued, "And Fr. John said that if the Key to
Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would 
be assured of salvation and eternal peace.  And then Father John guided his 
Key to Heaven into my lock."
 
  "Is that a fact," said the old nun even more evenly.
  
  "At first it hurt terribly, but Fr. John said the pathway to salvation
was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with
ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved."
 
  "That wicked old Devil," said the old nun. "He told me it was
Gabriel's Horn, and I've  been BLOWING it for 40 years!"
 
 _________________________________________________________
 
  EMERGENCY
  
  A couple of women, Janice and Sherrill, were playing golf one sunny
Saturday morning. Sherill, the first of the twosome teed off and watched in
horror as the ball headed directly toward a foursome of  men playing the 
next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped 
his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll
around in agony.

  Sherrill rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize.
She then explained that she was a physical therapist and offered to help 
ease his pain.
  
  "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could
relieve your pain if you'd just allow me!" she told him earnestly.
 
  "Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be alright...I'll be fine in a few
minutes," he replied as he remained in the fetal position still clasping 
his hands together at his crotch. But she persisted, and he finally allowed 
her to help him.

  She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his
pants and put her hands inside, beginning to massage him.
 
  "Does that feel better?" she asked. "It feels great," he replied.
  "But my thumb still hurts like hell!!!
 
 
 

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  There were these three guys at the lake, a german, an englishman and a
negro.The german took out his dick, put it in the water, waited a
while and told the others: 'I can feel the water it's 24 degrees Celsius'.
 
  The other two were amazed. 'Let me try,' the englishman said.  So he
put his organ in the water, waited and said:' To be more exact, the
temperature is 24.7degrees Celsius'.

  At last the black man said,' Let me have a try'.  So he took his
equipment, lowered it into the lake and said:'I've no idea about the 
temperature, but the water is 2 feet 6 inches deep'.

 __________________________________________________
 
  A man with a 50 inch long dick goes to his doctor to complain that he
is unable to get any women to have sex with him.  "They all tell me that
my dick is too long." "Doctor," he asked, in total frustration, "is there
any way you can shorten it?" 
 
  The doctor replied, "Medically son, there is nothing I can do.  But,
I do know this witch who may be able to help you."  
 
  So the doctor gives him directions to the witch.  The man calls upon
the witch and relates his story.  "Witch, my dick is 50 inches long and I
can't get any women to have sex with me.  Can you help me shorten it?"  
The witch asked him to "Pull it out and let me look at it."  The man 
uncoils his 50inch rod. 
 
  The witch stares in amazement, scratches her head, and then replies,
"I think I have a solution to your problem.  What you have to do is go to
this pond deep in the forest.  In the pond you will see a frog sitting on a
log who can help solve your dilemma.  First you must ask the frog, will
you marry me?  Each time the frog declines your proposal, your dick will
be ten inches shorter."
 
  The man's face lit up and he dashed off into the forest.  He came upon
the pond and sure enough, there sat this frog on a log.  He called out to
the frog, "will you marry me?"  The frog looked at him dejectedly and
replied
  "NO". 
 
  The man looked down and suddenly his dick was 10 inches shorter. 
  "WOW," he screamed out loud, "This is great!!  But it's still  too long 
at 40 inches, so I'll ask the frog to marry me again."
 
  "Frog, will you marry me?," the guy shouted.  The frog rolled its eyes
back in its head and screamed back, "NO!"  
 
  The man felt another twitch in his dick, looked down, and it was
another 10 inches shorter. The man laughed, "This is fantastic." He 
looked down at his dick again, 30 inches long, and reflected for
a moment.  Thirty inches is still a monster, just a little less would
be ideal.  So, I'll ask the frog to marry me one more time."
 
  Grinning, he looked  across the pond and yelled out, "Frog will you 
marry me?"
 
  The frog looked back across pond shaking its
head,"NO..........NO..........and for the last time..........NO."
 
 _____________________________________________________
 
  Three guys die and go to heaven.  The first goes up to St.Peter who
says,
  "I have only one question before you go into heaven: Were you faithful 
to your wife?"
 
  The guy answers, "Yes, I never even looked at another women."
 
  St.Peter says, "See that Rolls-Royce over there?  That's your car to
drive while you are in heaven."
 
  The second guy gets the same question, and answers, "Once I strayed,
but I confessed to my wife and she forgave me and we worked  it out."  
 
  St. Peter says, "See that new Buick over there, that's your car to
use in heaven."
 
  The third guy answers the same question, "I have to admit, I chased
every bit of tail I could, and was with a lot of women."
 
  St. Peter says, "Okay, but you were basically a good guy, so that old
VW Bug over there is yours to use while you are in heaven."
 
  The three guys go off on their separate ways.  A few weeks later, guy
#2 and guy #3 are driving along in the Buick when they see guy #1's Rolls
Royce parked outside of a bar.  They stop and go into the bar and find guy
#1 with empty bottles all around him, face down with his face in his hands 
on the bar.
 
  They come up to him  and guy #2 says, "Bud, what could possibly be so
bad-you're in heaven, you drive a Rolls Royce, and everything is
great!"
 
  He says, "I saw my wife today!"
 
  The other two answer, "That's great!  What's the problem?"
 
  He answers, "She was riding a bicycle!"
 
 __________________________________________________________
 
  A teenager comes home from school with a writing assignment.  He asks
his dad for help.  "Dad, can u tell me the difference between potential
and reality?
 
  His father looks up thoughtfully and then says: "I'll display it to u
in a simple example.  Go ask your mum if she would sleep with Robert
Redford for a million dollars.  Then go ask your sister if she would with 
Brad Pitt for a million dollars.  Then come back and tell me what u have 
learned."
 
  The kid is puzzled but he decides to go on and see if he can figure
out what his dad is trying to say.  He asks his mum: " Mum, would u sleep 
with Robert Redford for a million dollars?"  His mother looks up startled, 
but then winks slyly at him and says in a whisper: " Don't tell your dad 
this, but yes, I would."
 
  Then he goes to his sister and asks her: "Sis, if someone offers you a
million dollars to sleep with Brad Pitt, will u do it?"  His sister
looks up and says: "Omigod, definitely!!!"
 
  The kid goes back to his dad and says:" Dad, I think I figured it out.
Potentially, we are sitting on 2 million bucks, but in reality, we are
living with a couple of whores."
 
 ______________________________________________________
 
  The poor guy, a new coming Oxford grad student's name is You2 Fa3 Ke4.
 
  He went to the John Radcliff Medical Center for the first time. The
Miss medical assistant asked him questions with a nice smile. " What's your
name? "
 
  " Fa Ke You. "
 
  She felt really surprised by his answer and asked him the same
question patiently. But she got the same answer. She felt angry and called 
the police.

  Our friend was caught by the police immediately. When the police asked
for his name he said "Fa Ke You" again. The police felt really angry.
 
  Mr. You2 didn't understand why British were so unfriendly to a chinese
student...
 

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  The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find something
exciting, and to share it with the class the next day.  When the time came 
for kids to give their reports, the teacher called on them one at a  time.
 
  Little Ernie walked up to the front of the class and with a piece of
chalk made a small white dot on the blackboard, and then sat back down. 
 
  Well, the teacher couldn't figure out what Ernie had in mind for his
report, so she asked him what the dot on the blackboard meant.
 
  "It's a period." reported little Ernie. 
 
  "Well, I can see that," she said, "but what is so exciting about a
period?"
 
  "Darned if I know." said little Ernie.  "This morning my sister said
she missed one.  Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and 
the man next door shot himself."


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  The spoon
 
  A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open  table. As he sat
down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow.  A nearby waiter
reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon and set it on the
table.
 
  The diner was impressed. "Do all the waiters carry spoons in their
pockets?"
 
  The waiter replied, "Yes. Ever since we had that efficiency expert out
here; he determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table.
By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen."
 
  The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented,
"Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging 
from your fly?" The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. Seems that the
same efficiency expert determined that we spend to much time washing
our hands after using the men's room. So, the other end of that string is
tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the string to pull out
my penis, go, and return to work. Having never touched myself, there is
no need to wash my hands. Saves a lot of time."
 
  "Wait a minute," said the diner, "how do you get your penis back in
your pants?"
 
  "Well, I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon."