How to handle tough interviews

A lot of people know how to write a resume and talk their way into an  
interview. But when they get into the make or break dialogue, they
stumble upon tough questions. Here's some advice on approaching the tough 
questions  that interviewers like to throw at job applicants.

 Best  regards...
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 Qns: Why did you leave your last job?
 
 Real answer: It sucked!!
 
 What you should say: I felt my talents and
 abilities were under-utilized.

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 Qns: What are your biggest weaknesses?
 
 Real answer: I can't concentrate for more
 than five minutes, hate all forms of authority
 and tend to fall asleep at my desk.
 
 What you should say: I'm a workaholic. I
 just don't know when to put down my work.

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 Qns: You don't seem to hold on to a job
 long. Why should we think you'll
 stay here any longer than you've stayed
 elsewhere?
 
 Real answer: My employers have always had
 a hang-up about keeping only
 competent employees.

 What you should say: I'm at a point in my
 career where I am tired of
 moving around. I really want to feel part
 of a team, a long-term enterprise, where I can make a
 contribution.

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 Qns: How do you handle change?

 Real answer: I deal with it everyday,
 unless I'm out of clean underwear.

 What you should say: I think everyone
 knows that today the only constant
 is change. I thrive on it.

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 Qns: Are you a risk taker?

 Real Answer: I have unprotected sex with
 strangers.

 What you should say: I think it's
 important to take risks, but don't
 think you should be reckless. I like to
 take calculated risks.

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 Qns: How do you get along with others?

 Real answer: Fine, as long as they stay
 out of my face.

 What you should say: I think the
 interpersonal dynamics of the workplace
 can be among the most satisfying aspects
 of any job.

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 Qns: What does the word success mean to you?

 Real answer: It means that I don't have to 
 drag my sorry butt out of bed to kiss yours.

 What you should say: Success, for me,
 would be knowing I am making a
 difference working with a team of people
 to make a more profitable enterprise.

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 Qns: What does the word failure mean to you?

 Real answer: It means I continue to
 collect unemployment insurance.

 What you should say: Failure? I'm sorry, I
 don't know what you mean. That
 word is not in my vocabulary.

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 Qns: Do you get along with your current boss?

 Real answer: I get along fine, considering
 what kind of a malicious person he is.

 What you should say: I don't think I'd
 call him a boss; he's been more of
 a mentor to me.

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 Qns: Do you ever get angry with co-workers?

 Real answer: I don't get angry, I get even.

 What you should say: Nothing angers me
 more than to see a co-worker not
 pulling his weight, goofing off or
 stealing. Yes, sometimes I do get angry
 with co-workers.

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 Qns: Can I contact your references?

 Real answer: Sure, but they won't know who I am.

 What you should say: Some of them are out
 of the country right now. Maybe
 I can arrange to have them contact you.