I'm thankful I had cancer

Silver Linings

I have discovered 10 beautiful things since my diagnosis which I would
not have otherwise known

I HAVE completed chemotherapy only recently and my hair is already in a
state of overgrowth! It's about 1 cm long and it defies gravity.

Soon, I will have to start looking for my hairbrush and shampoo. It has
been kind of nice not having to bother with things like bad hair days,
and agonising over which type of shampoo to buy.

Strangely, as I look back at the gruelling days of chemotherapy, I do not
remember the pain as much as the marvellous things that have happened to
me since.

Often I forget I have cancer: I sometimes look at myself in the mirror
and wonder where all the hair has gone to.

Many things have happened to me since my diagnosis six months ago.
Needless to say, there was pain -- both physical and emotional. But there
were also many things for which I am deeply grateful.

Here are the top 10 (if I looked, I could find more):

1) I discovered how deeply my family loves me. In our family, we tell
each other that we love each other and try to show it as often as
possible.

But these feelings and expressions become dulled by daily events and
routines, and like everybody else, we take one another for granted.

I did not realise how much they loved me, and how much I loved them,
until we realised that I may not be around till I am three score and 10.

2) I rediscovered friends. E-mails, snail mail, calls and friends from
all over the world just descended on us when they heard of my illness.
Friends I am sure I would not have heard from otherwise.

The marvellous thing was that we also discovered that they loved us very
much. We were, indeed, overwhelmed by their expressions of love.

And now that we have found them, we do not want to lose them again. So we
make an effort to spend time with them whenever we can, and keep in
contact by electronic and regular mail.

3) I found that we now own the licence to empathise with a breast-cancer
patient and her family. That what we say can, indeed, console someone who
is devastated by the diagnosis -- simply because we have been there.

What a grand privilege! One which we hope to use frequently to comfort
others.

4) I discovered new friends. Most of them have cancer, especially breast
cancer. I call them my cancer buddies. Some are survivors and I received
much comfort from being friends with them. Others have just discovered
they have cancer, and I try to share with them my experience and to give
them hope.

I simply must relate this incident. I spent one whole morning at the
Marine Parade Polyclinic when I had a cold during chemotherapy.

Then I went to have my favourite chao guotiao at the hawker centre. A
woman came and sat at the same table. Then she started a conversation and
soon we found that we had one thing in common -- cancer.

She shared how her daughter had leukaemia and how she herself had a
tumour in the spine, which was causing her pain in the knees.

She later confessed that she had seen me at the polyclinic where she had
gone to see the doctor about her hypertension.

The hat gave me away as a cancer patient and she followed me to the
hawker centre because she wanted to make my acquaintance.

We have been in contact since, encouraging one another.

5) I discovered that I had a choice about how I want to live my life. I
could choose to wallow in misery and continue to ask "Why me" , and
fritter away what little time I may have. Or I could choose to live life
to its fullness in spite of cancer.

I chose the latter.

6) In exercising that choice, I discovered la joie de vivre. Like a
child, I see the wonder of each new day and I stop to smell the roses.

I know it sounds like a cliche, but we do take the simple things of life
for granted. Cancer came as a rude shock. But it was thoroughly
therapeutic.

7) I discovered what it means to forgive and be forgiven. Life is too
short to hold a grudge. In the process, I have also learnt to be
magnanimous in many things.

I have learnt not to major on the minors. And discovered the truth that
bitterness harms the one that holds it, not the one to whom it is
directed.

8) I realised I am living on borrowed time. As I have nothing to lose, my
life became transparent. I express myself more, especially through cards
and e-mails, which I send out a lot nowadays. I am not afraid to say "I
love you". And I give lots of hugs.

9) I realised that life is too precious not to fight for, and that it is
always too soon to give up.

I choose life, and so I continue to fight the disease so that, God
willing, I might live.

I have discovered the truth that anything worth holding on to is worth
fighting for. With your life.

10) Confronted by my own mortality, I was drawn closer to God. I made
peace with Him and rediscovered Him.

It is this reconciliation that gives me the courage to face the uncertain
future, and makes me look at life the way I do.

So, do not weep for me when I pass on -- be it in six months or 60 years.

I will have no regrets for I would have lived life to the fullest.

It is not the length of it; it is how you lived it.