Fear him, for he is righteous.  This is my cat, Hong.  His full name is "Hong the Wonder Cat", but I call him Hong for short.  He is also known to some as "Bitey".  Hong is probably the craziest cat in North America.  I know, everyone thinks their cat is the strangest, but I can honestly say that mine is the craziest I have ever encountered.  For starters, he is incredibly fat.  When he comes running at you, you can see his enormous pouch of cat fat swinging from left to right underneath him.  Yet he is surprisingly athletic.  I have seen him perform incredible feats with the grace of Barishnikov.  He has amazing leaping power.  Granted, no matter how high he leaps, his fat pouch is almost touching the ground, but his actual body mass can achieve amazing heights.  Also, Hong is extremely well travelled.  He has lived in Ontario, California, and Indiana.
 

Here you can see Hong laid out in his full glory.  For some reason, he likes to lie in this strange position, with his legs spread out at the back.  Sometimes, he will spread his front legs out too, and be completely spread eagle on his stomach.  It's quite the sight to see, and boy is he fat.  It's a shame that I couldn't get some sort of scale object next to him in this picture so you could see exactly how long and wide he is.  It's amazing really.  He's just like this giant slug when he lies down.  A friend of mine made the suggestion that I should cut his arms and legs off, so he's just this blob that I put wherever I want.  I guess he could move by rolling around, but it wouldn't be very fast, so I would still be able to keep him where I wanted.  Of course, that's much too cruel.  I could never muffle his active spirit.
 

Hong has a tent.  My mom bought it for him, and people have been laughing about it ever since.  It's a small blue tent, with a few towels inside to make him more comfortable.  Here, you can see him on a rare occasion inside his tent.  He used to frequent it all the time, but lately he seems to be staying away from it.  Perhaps it's because as I am writing this, it's summer, and it's too hot for tent action.  I'm not sure.  This is also a good picture because you can see his facial markings.  They're great for the most part, but on the tip of his nose (most of which is white) there's a splotch of reddish-brown color.  It looks like he dipped his nose in something nasty.  But this is all superficial.  Let me tell some stories that explain why he is so strange.
 


    Once, as I was peacefully sleeping in my bed, I awoke to find hong standing on my chest staring right in my face.  Before I could realize what was going on, he gave me a crazy look, opened his mouth just enough to look crazy, then pimp slapped me right in the face, first with his right, then his left paw.  I can't say that it really hurt, but the smacks were surprisingly powerful for a cat.

    On another occasion, he just started ramming himself into a wall.  He would back up from the wall, then run full speed at it, smashing his face directly into it.  He repeated this procedure a few times, then decided it was time to eat.

    When it snows, Hong will sit at the window, stare outside, and open his mouth just a touch.  Then he starts making the strangest sound I've ever heard a cat make.  It sounds sort of like "Cha-cha-cha-cha".  It's hard to describe it, so I have attempted to simulate it in this Sound File.  He will sit and do this for hours on end.

    Normally, when cats want to go outside, they meow.  Hong, however, finds it much more effective to bite your ankles.  This is how he has earned the nickname "Bitey".  He'll ram up against your leg or something, and you'll think he's being affectionate, and then he just starts biting you.  A lot, and hard.  It's very annoying, but it works.

    He took a shit on my bed.

    That's all I have to say about the Hongster for now, but rest assured that more stories will follow.  Hong does crazy things all the time.  If you have something you'd like to say about Hong, or if you have any questions, Email me right away.