The Insanity Continues

By Lord Archive

Volume 4 - One of Those Weeks

Chapter 1 - Mondays Are Hell!

Characters are owned by Rumiko Takahashi, Viz Video, ect..., and are 
used without permission. I'm only borrowing them. I'll return them. I 
can't afford the overdue charge Nabiki insists on.

This series deals with a married Ranma and Akane, so some sexual 
references and innuendoes may occur.

This volume is a little different than the previous volumes. The 
volume is more of unrelated insanity. Also, one character from Maison 
Ikkoku makes a guest appearance in this volume, as well as a cameo
appearance of characters from a Clamp series.

-----------------------------

Akane's Diary Entry: 
February 13th, 1994.

Dear Diary,

	Besides principal Kuno wanting us to 'endorse' his new uniform 
design with an ugly Hawaiian print by wearing them, the past week has 
been rather quiet. That worries me. No new martial artists, no real 
fights, no bizarre contests, nothing but one insane idiot we all try 
to ignore anyway. While I like the peace, I know it'll end. This is 
going to be a bad week. I know I'm being a little paranoid, but living 
with Ranma it's more of survival instinct. The fact Dad and Ranma's 
parents are staying for the week, Mousse is now using Happosai's room, 
and tomorrow is Valentine's Day helps support my bad week theory.

	I'm showing signs of morning sickness a little sooner than 
Dr. Tofu expected. I can expect to start throwing up in the next 
couple days. Oh, joy. I'll have to see him soon to make sure it's not 
a sign of a complication with my pregnancy.

	I've quit the volleyball team. I know I didn't really have 
to, but Dr. Tofu said I had to watch how much I exercise and that I'll 
start being a little weaker physically. That means I'll no longer be 
able to put all my effort into playing the game. If I can't put 110% 
into it, I might as well not even try it. Ranma is happy about the 
decision. I just hope he doesn't start to get even more protective 
of me, he's already starting to get on my nerves.

	Ukyou is reopening her restaurant Friday, and she has Nabiki 
helping her attract customers for it. It promises to be a big party. I 
hope nothing spoils it, but I'm willing to bet Ukyou's will be closed 
Saturday for repairs. I'll try to not be the cause of it, but I can't 
promise it. Despite Ukyou saying she's forgiven me for marrying Ranma, 
I really doubt she has. She's been colder to me now than she was when 
Ranma and I faked being married last year.

-----------------------------

The young substitute teacher approached his new assignment, teaching 
at Furinkan High.  He sighed.  

Godai looked up at Furinkan High as it loomed before him when he 
heard, "You won't take Madeline from Azusa!" He crashed to the ground 
as a cute, pint sized rollerblader carrying a golden Buddha ran over 
him.

Godai tried to pry himself off the sidewalk when he was run over by 
another rollerblader. "Put that back!"

Godai groaned and shakingly made it to his feet looking at the two as 
they disappeared down the street. He was then run over by a bunch of 
Buddist monks screaming obscenities at the two rollerbladers.

He tried again to stand up, and promptly was run over by several 
police officers.

A chair landed on the prone teacher knocking him unconscious. "Get 
back here, you JERK!!" Akane yelled. 

"I said I'm sorry already!" Ranma yelled back, dodging a brick that 
Akane had thrown, his feet briefly running over something oddly soft 
that was laying on the sidewalk.

"Sorry isn't good enough! I spent all morning cooking breakfast, and 
you couldn't appreciate it!!"

"Hey! I only threw up because you did!"

"Baka! That was morning sickness!" Akane growled, throwing her book-
bag, which Ranma failed to dodge.

Akane didn't notice the guy she stomped over as she went to pick up 
her book-bag off her dazed husband. "Come on, let's get to class."

Ranma shook his head and followed, muttering, "Uncute."

"Who's the speed bump?" Daisuke asked.

"Probably a substitute," Hiroshi replied.

"How long do you think he'll last?"

Hiroshi examined the comatose teacher. "Hmm... Still breathing. I give 
him until Friday."

"You're being generous, Thursday."

"Brownie points?"

"Can't hurt." Daisuke shrugged.

Hiroshi and Daisuke picked up Godai and took him to the nurses' 
station.

-----------------------------

Godai limped into what was suppose to be the principal's office, but 
seemed more like... Hawaii?

"Aloha! You must be Godai, the substitute teacher, yeah?"

"Ah, yes," Godai answered, staring dumbly at the man with a palm tree 
growing out of his head.

"Now, keiki, you must be ready to face some baaad students. One in 
particular is a really bad coconut. Keep your eye on Saotome Ranma, 
and any punishment you want to place on him is okay with me." The 
Hawaiian reject grinned and handed the young sensei his teaching 
assignment. "You better hurry to class. You don't want to be late."

Godai nodded and left.  He looked at the office sign and read the 
principal's name. 

-----------------------------

"Here comes a sucker just waiting to be robbed," a masked man 
commented.

"I don't think we should rob him," another man replied.

"Why not?"

"Well, every time we try to rob him, someone interferes and we get our 
asses kicked."

"You're just being paranoid," a third masked man commented.

"We've tried to rob him twelve times, and NONE of them succeeded and 
you're telling me I'm being paranoid!"

"Shut up. The chances of against him being protected today are way 
too high. He's a sitting duck," the fourth masked man said firmly.

"You all owe money to Nabiki, don't you?" the second masked man asked.

The other three replied with a nod. Then the four of them committed to 
the attack, and pulled their target into the alleyway.

"Oh, no. Not again," Gosunkugi moaned while he was being dragged.

"All right, voodoo-boy, hand over all your money," the first masked 
man demanded.

"Or we'll have to hurt you," added the fourth.

"I can't give you my money. Nabiki will have my hide if I don't pay 
her today," Gosunkugi pleaded.

"We don't care," commented the third masked man.

"How dare you threaten that wonderful, brave, little man?" a voice 
asked behind the attackers.

They turned and looked at the leotard clad Black Rose holding her 
ribbon and poised for attack.

 the four thought gloomily.

"You must be punished." Kodachi attacked, and her targets ran like 
their lives depended on it.

Gosunkugi stared in shock at Kodachi.

"Miserable vermin." She sighed. "Oh, my dear Gos-chan, are you all 
right?"

 He fainted.

"Oh, dear. If I see that trash again, I must hurt them severely. Now I 
have to get him some help." Kodachi picked up Gosunkugi and took him 
to Furinkan High's nurses' station. She was a little surprised that 
Kuno wasn't there. She stayed with Gosunkugi for a couple minutes, but 
she had her own school to go to. With a sigh, Kodachi placed a package 
of chocolates on Gosunkugi's chest and left.

-----------------------------

The young sensei began class. He got the normal range of responses. 
Most of them had a glazed look. A few actually looked interested. One 
girl looked like she might be developing a crush on him.  The class began to drone on only to 
be punctuated by an occasional fart or belch. The source seemed to be 
a girl with raven hair, but no girl could be that rude. 

Akane sat in the class with a glazed look and a slight blush. She 
couldn't stop herself from emitting gas from one exit or the other. 
Ten minutes before class would end she shifted in her seat 
uncomfortably. She had to go the bathroom. She stared at what seemed 
to her to be a broken clock wanting desperately for the class to 
finish. Fifty seconds later, she couldn't take it any longer- she had 
to go NOW. Akane dashed out the classroom door.

Godai blinked in surprise at the girl running out of his class. She 
was that rude. "Miss, where do you think...."

~~~fitz>CRACK<*

Godai stood agape as an... energy beam(?) barely missed him. The girl 
leaving the class turned and glared at someone, but he couldn't tell 
who, he was trying to understand how part of the chalkboard just 
exploded. The young sensei didn't know how to answer his own 
questions, so he decided to go with the old stand-by method of dealing 
with something that didn't seem sane- ignore it. After a minute, Godai 
regained his faculties and resumed class.

-----------------------------

Ukyou sat under a tree, eating lunch alone.  Ukyou 
sighed.  Ukyou stabbed her lunch. 

"Aloha, wahine. You know being out of dress code is kapu," principal 
Kuno grinned.

"I'm wearing a school uniform," Ukyou shot back.

"Yeah, but my little wahine, you wearin' a guy's uniform. You're a 
girl and should be dressed like all the other wahine's." Principal 
Kuno pulled out something that looked like a girl's Furinkan dress 
uniform, but it had a gaudy Hawaiian pattern. "You must put this on, 
or da big kahuna can't let you back to class."

Ukyou looked at him like he was insane. "Are you completely color 
blind? That isn't a school uniform."

"Oh, but it is an acceptable school uniform!"

"Not to me. Go annoy someone else," Ukyou said angrily.

"You must follow the rules, wahine," the principal insisted.

"The school rules, not yours." Ukyou, fed up with his nonsense, 
whacked him with her combat spatula. Moments later a splash was heard 
from the other side of the school. "Damn, he fell in the pool."

-----------------------------

Gosunkugi stared at a note attached to a now empty chocolate book. He 
wished he had enough sense to keep it away from a certain child-like 
teacher. At least Hinako hadn't eaten the note. 

He sighed while looking at the note. Well, actually it was a love 
letter. A love letter to him from a beautiful and rich woman. Stuff 
like this doesn't happen to geeks like him. Yet, here he was sitting 
under a tree reading a poetic note of Kodachi's love for his bravery.

Bravery, HA! He was the biggest coward he knew. Just because he was 
too stupid to run from the ancient lech while trying to help Kodachi, 
she thought he was braver than her great ex-love, Ranma.

Gosunkugi laughed at that. Who could believe ANYONE would ever say he 
was braver than the thief who stole Akane's heart, let alone a girl 
that loved him? He couldn't, but that's what Kodachi wrote in the 
letter.

Gosunkugi looked at the postscript for the hundredth time.

	"I hope it's not too forward of me, but I desire to see you 
	again. If you would like, you may visit me at my mansion after 
	school today, say around four?"

A date. A second date at that. He couldn't believe his luck, but 
wasn't going to turn it away either. Who knew where this could lead.

-----------------------------

Ranma and Akane walked home from school, both feeling it had been long 
day. 

"Man, I'm glad to be out of there," Ranma said.

"Oh? I thought you liked taking pot shots at substitute teachers," 
Akane replied bitterly.

"Come on, Akane, he was going to stop you from goin' to the bathroom."

Akane glared at Ranma. "So what? You don't try to take a teacher's 
head off for doing his job." She stopped just as they arrived at Dr. 
Tofu's clinic. "I need to check something. I'll see you later."

Ranma shrugged. "Don't be late for diner." With that he rushed off.

 Akane entered the clinic, and announced herself at the door. 

Akane blinked when Dr. Tofu enter the room, glasses fogged. 
"A-A-Akane, what are you doing here of all places?"

"Um, is Kasumi here?" the young Saotome asked.

"K-K-k..." Dr. Tofu had the look of pure bliss on his face and passed 
out.

Akane didn't know what to make of it. She first picked up the doctor 
and deposited him on one of the examination tables. She then looked 
around a little bit and saw an opened journal. Concerned for the 
doctor, she looked at the journal. [Potion of Friendliness,] it read 
at the top of the page. 

Akane shook her head. 

Akane sat down, and tried to think about what to do once the doctor 
woke up.

-----------------------------

Ranma continued to walk home with his usual troubled thoughts, Akane 
and their unborn child. He became sidetracked when he noticed the 
street in front of him was littered with unconscious guys.

Ranma walked over to a tree to talk to the only conscious guy of the 
lot. "Hey, Daisuke, having fun?"

"Yes. Loads of fun. Can you get me down?" Daisuke said, hanging 
upside down from the tree.

"What exactly happened here?"

"We tried to defeat Shampoo. She won."

"You tried to defeat her?" Ranma asked, shaking his head.

"Well, this trap was meant for her."

Ranma chuckled dryly, and then jumped straight up and broke the rope. 
Daisuke fell on his head. "Daisuke, do yourself a favor, and forget 
about trying to beat her. Even if by a miracle you win, do you think 
you can live like a housewife, 'cause that's what you'll be."

Daisuke rubbed his head. "So that's why you didn't choose her."

"No, that was just one of a long list of reasons. I'll see ya later."

"See ya," Daisuke replied, finding it hard to stand after hanging 
upside down for several minutes.

Ranma walked off and soon arrived at home. He noticed Akari standing 
out front with a lost expression on her face talking to his mother. 
"Hi, Mom, Akari. What's up?"

"Hello, Ranma," Nodoka greeted him warmly.

Akari smiled weakly at him. "Hi, Ranma. Um, Ryoga and I were out for a 
walk and... but... I sort of lost him. Since we were close by, I 
thought he might have come here."

Ranma chuckled. "Aw, you know Ryoga, he'll turn up in a couple days."

"I know," she said meekly.

"If any of us see him, one of us will bring him right back home," Nodoka 
said.

"Thank you." Akari looked a bit relieved.

"Ranma, where's Akane?" Nodoka asked.

"She had to see Dr. Tofu about somethin'," Ranma answered.

"Okay. Akari, would you like to stay for a while?"

"No. I should get back home soon or Katsunishiki might come looking 
for me," Akari replied.

"Why don't you walk her home then?" Nodoka asked Ranma.

Ranma shrugged. "I guess."

"There's no need. Really," Akari protested.

"A young girl, like you, shouldn't walk by herself," Nodoka insisted.

"Okay, thanks."

Ranma walked Akari to Ryoga's house, making idle small talk along the 
way. He noticed a sumo wrestler that was watching him and briefly 
wondered if he'd have to fight him soon, but his thoughts turned to 
thinking about what his mother was cooking for dinner.

-----------------------------

Dr. Tofu woke up with a smile on his face. To him the world was filled 
with love and happiness. All was right with the world.

"Oh, Dr. Tofu, you're awake," he heard the cute Saotome Akane say with 
a hint of disappointment.

"A-Akane, what are you..." Dr. Tofu began to say.

"Now Dr. Tofu, what was with taking that friendliness potion."

Dr. Tofu cringed at her tone. "B-but Cologne's potion. It..."

"It had worn off already. Didn't you notice that?"

"I almost s-slapped..." Dr. Tofu's world was suddenly filled with 
pain. He started to cry.

Akane sighed. "I know that. But when, ah, my sister came to see you 
after that, you weren't under the effects anymore."

"I wasn't?" the doctor questioned.

"Right. The potion had worn off. I'll take your notes on your potion 
to Cologne, to see if she can help with it." Akane leveled her gaze 
at the doctor. "I suggest you stay here, and not try to fix this."

"O-okay," Dr. Tofu answered her.

"Now do you have any appointments?"

"Well, there's Mizu-san, who has a check-up on Friday for her wrist. 
Otherwise, no."

"Good. I suggest you don't take any patients until this wears off." 
Akane grabbed Dr. Tofu's notes and turned to leave. "I'll stop by 
later."

"Um, Akane, was their some reason you came here in the first place?" 
Dr. Tofu asked.

"Oh, um, I've started experiencing morning sickness. You said it 
shouldn't start until I'm about six weeks pregnant, so I was 
worried...." Akane's voice became rather nervous.

"Well, it isn't that unusual to start in the fifth week, but it could 
be a sign of a problem," Dr. Tofu said in a serious tone. Dr. Tofu 
went over to his files and pulled out Akane's rather sizable one.
He looked it over for a couple minutes, not finding anything in the 
previous test that could be the cause.

Akane watched him nervously, and praying no one walks in while he 
held her medical file.

Dr. Tofu tried to think about possible causes. "Now, Akane, how have 
you been eating lately?"

"Fine. I guess."

"Have you been doing most of the cooking?"

"Yes," Akane replied, wanting to know why he asked that.

"Well, right now your stomach is very delicate. The smell of dairy 
products and fish will likely cause you to become nauseous." Dr. Tofu 
closed his eyes, and took a long breath. He really wished he didn't 
have to do this, but it was for his patient's best physical health. 
"Also, has your cooking improved to the point you're as good as 
K-K-K...."

"No," Akane interrupted him.

Dr. Tofu regained his composure. "Ahem, while I'm sure your cooking is 
fine, maybe it'd be better if you let her cook."

"Why shouldn't I cook for my family?" Akane asked a bit upset.

"Now Akane, you must realize that when you eat, your not just feeding 
yourself now. You are also feeding your child."

"I know that. So what's the point?" 

"Don't you want to give your child the best food possible?"

"Yes."

"So shouldn't the better cook prepare the food for you? It would also 
limit your exposure to certain smells that would make you sick."

"But Dr. Tofu, if learn how to cook now, when will I ever be good 
enough for my children?"

"Akane... you can still cook some foods, but you and the baby would be 
better if someone else cooked most of your meals."

"Thank you, Dr. Tofu. I-I'll follow your advice." Akane walked out of 
the clinic, trying to fight her tears.

Dr. Tofu watched her leave, and set down her medical file. He then 
collapsed to his knees and started to cry at hurting such a beautiful 
and lovely young woman.

-----------------------------

Gosunkugi ran. He ran from the Kuno mansion like his life depended on 
it. He couldn't stand another moment of hearing Kuno spouting poetry 
to Nabiki (who he noticed was wearing earplugs), Kodachi's laugh, her 
aristocratic attitude, her pet alligator, her pet man-eating plant 
that kept calling him Seamore, nor her attempts to get him to 'seduce' 
her; so he gave a lame excuse about having to be home for dinner and 
bolted.

Gosunkugi chuckled a little as he dashed down the street. His 
cowardice proved one thing, Ranma had been as much a coward as he was 
in dealing with Kodachi since they came up with the same response to 
her- run away.

When Gosunkugi made it home, he let out a long sigh all the while he 
was gasping breath. He knew if anyone found out he ran out on a date 
Kodachi they'd think he was gay or something. He wasn't, he was 
scared. Her presence was too commanding, too overbearing. He could 
hardly breath or think around her, and it wasn't because he was 
attracted to her. He was, what guy couldn't want a girl with that kind 
of body? But her personality extinguished his like a blazing inferno 
snuffing out smaller fires by taking away their fuel.

Gosunkugi gulped, realizing something. Kodachi wasn't through with him 
yet. Unless he did something, she'd chase after him like she did 
Ranma. Problem is, if he did find a way of getting rid of her, she'd 
beat the crap out of him first.

"What am I going to do?"

-----------------------------

Kasumi hummed as she cleaned the stairs. It amazed her how she was 
able to clean the house when she was the only one really cleaning 
after Ranma arrived. Now with Nodoka and Akane helping keep the house 
clean and cook, she still found chores to do. She wondered how she 
ever kept up, especially when she had to do so many wall repairs.

Akane returned home, and called sadly, "I'm home."

"Welcome back, Akane. Is something the matter?" Kasumi asked, noticing 
a couple tears on Akane's face.

Akane looked at the floor. "I'm not a good enough cook for my child."

"Why do you say that? You're food is perfectly fine," Kasumi said 
reassuringly, even though Akane's food left a lot to be desired.

"It may be 'fine,' but it isn't great. If someone should cook for me 
and my child, it should be you or Auntie Saotome. I'm just not good 
enough yet." Akane walked around Kasumi on her way to her room. "Oh, 
don't go to Dr. Tofu's for a while. He took a potion that did the 
opposite of Cologne's."

"Oh, my! But Cologne's potion already wore off."

Akane sighed. "I know. A long time ago I hoped he would've reacted to 
me as he did today. Fortunately for Ranma, he didn't."

-----------------------------

It was now late into the evening and a man leaned against a large 
metal tower. He hated his curses, and recently wondered which one was 
worse. Right now he'd say his direction sense. Thoroughly disgusted 
with himself by getting lost while walking with Akari, Ryoga shouted, 
"WHERE ON EARTH AM I NOW?!?!" He then walked off.

A blond-haired girl wearing a green dress called to her friend, "Come 
on, Hikaru. We don't have much time left."

A red-haired girl tore her gaze from the cute but strange guy and 
replied, "Coming."

The two girls, along with a blue-haired girl entered an elevator of
the large metal tower.

-----------------------------

Ranma looked up from his geometry homework. "Akane?"

Akane looked at her husband and noticed the pleading look in his eyes. 
She sighed knowing it wasn't because he needed any help with the 
assignment, he was actually doing better than her in that class. She 
realized what he wanted and wondered briefly about why she hadn't done 
this sooner today, but he'd been pretty insensitive. Akane reached 
into her bookbag and handed the package she had hid inside it to 
Ranma. "Here."

Ranma blinked at the slightly mangled package. "Thanks."

"What? Wanted more chocolates?"

"Huh? No... it's Valentine's Day, isn't it?"

"What?!" Akane face-faulted. "How can't you know that?"

"It's not important anymore. I mean, were married now."

"Oh... so what did you want?"

"Um, I'm having trouble figuring out the area for part of a circle."

Akane massaged her temples. "I've spent the last five minutes trying 
to figure that out myself."

Ranma yawned. "Well, let's forget homework and go to bed."

"Best thing I've heard all day."

-----------------------------

Author's Notes:

Maison Ikkoku residents all have a number in their name relating to 
their room number. Godai has go in his name which means five. Kuno 
means nine abilities. Fortunately for Godai, there aren't that many 
apartments there.

If you think the metal tower is the Eiffel Tower- you're seriously 
mistaken.

Thanks to Freemage for the grammar shred.

    Source: geocities.com/tokyo/fuji/9061/TIC