The Insanity Continues

By Lord Archive

Volume 4 - One of Those Weeks.

Chapter 2 - Love Loves Trouble

Characters are owned by Rumiko Takahashi, Viz Video, etc, and are used
without permission. I'm only borrowing them. I'll return them. I can't
afford the overdue charge Nabiki insists on.

This series deals with a married Ranma and Akane, so some sexual
references and innuendoes may occur.

This volume is a little different than the previous volumes. The volume
is more of unrelated insanity.

-----------------------------

Intro: Hello! Saotome Akane here. Yes, you heard right, Saotome- I 
finally married that baka, one month after the bombed wedding. It 
happened after I had a long private talk with Ranma, found out about 
Ryoga's curse, and got pregnant. You would think that this would end 
at least some part of the insanity of the past year and a half, but it 
didn't.

-----------------------------

"Now Ranma, you need to be in a proper uniform," principal Kuno
announced.

"Ain't no way I'm wearin' one of those stuffy uniforms. They don't fit
at all if I get wet."

"Can't allow you inta class, if ya don't wear dis uniform."

Ranma took one look at the gaudy Hawaiian pattern and punted the
deranged school head master into a wall.

Principal Kuno pulled himself free. "Oh, damn. Baaad principal. Should
of known having no plan would be worse dan having several, even if none
of da plans worked before."

-----------------------------

Akane frowned watching the substitute drone on about history. She knew
she was definitely going to have a Saotome child, her appetite was
ravenous. Right now she felt like she could eat her desk, metal and all.
She eyed her lunch and really wanted it. She thought it over, and
realized by now the teacher should know she was pregnant and that this
was a necessity. Without a second thought, she started eating lunch.

Godai almost said something to the rude Saotome girl but her brother's
hands were glowing with the same color light as that beam that damaged
the chalkboard. When class ended he decided to talk to them but was too
late, Ranma grabbed Akane and jumped out of the classroom, which was on
the third floor.

-----------------------------

Cologne pogoed towards her newest mission, hardly dangerous, but likely
one of the more humorous. At least the most humorous while going through
it, as many had found her childhood adventures with Happosai a source of
great amusement. She arrived at her designated location and knocked on
the door.

A moment later the door opened to reveal Dr. Tofu grinning like maniac.
"Oh, my. Why hello Cologne-chan. What brings you here? Certainly nothing
I can help you with."

Cologne blinked.  She clear her voice. "Actually I'm here to help you."

"Oh, right. It seems I'm a bit too friendly, if there is such a thing.
Would you like some tea?"

Cologne sighed. "Not at the moment. Please lets go to the examining room
to talk."

"As you wish." Dr. Tofu happily obliged.

Cologne giggled like a schoolgirl, watching the doctor skipped towards
that room. It had been ages since anyone acted like that towards her.
"Please sit down."

"Anything you want, cutie." Dr. Tofu nodded and sat down in his chair.

 "I want to examine you."

"Normally I get to examine the girls, but sure."

Cologne decided this potion would definitely have some uses. The council
head, Chan Peng, could certainly use a dose. The matriarch began to test
the doctor's chi balance, and wasn't surprised at her find. "Your chi is
a bit off. It is currently more of the lighter side of your soul. That's
why it lasts so long. It'll take a while to readjust back to normal...
maybe a couple weeks. An appropriate shock may speed up your recovery,
but I advise against it."

"I'm perfectly happy the way I am." The doctor smiled.

"I'm sure you are. Just be careful about who you see."

"I will. And Cologne-chan, you will come back for a visit?" 

Cologne always had a weakness of that love-sick-puppy-dog look she was
getting, and blushed. "Certainly." She left quickly.  She sighed and then shuddered remembering what
eighteen-year-olds went through. 

-----------------------------

Kasumi smiled as she walked with her younger sister to the market. She
was a little ashamed at how happy she was to have her kitchen back. The
problem was she only got it back from her sister because morning
sickness made it difficult for Akane to cook anything without throwing
up. So for at next couple months the duty to cook for the family was
Kasumi's and Nodoka's, that was exactly how the eldest Tendo daughter
felt it should be until Akane learned to cook without turning her
beautiful kitchen into a terrifying mess.

Akane sulked a bit walking next to her older sister. She hated the fact
that Dr. Tofu practically ordered her out of the kitchen. She needed to
cook for her family and guests. That was her duty as the lady of the
Saotome-Tendo home. She couldn't even cook for herself and her husband.
So what if her progesterone levels had suddenly went through the roof,
she had a family to take care of. Akane sighed. She could help at least
help Kasumi shop for food.

The market street was full. The dull roar of people buying and selling
goods filled the sisters' ears.

Kasumi practically swam through the market like a shark snagging the
best deals that often improved when she would gently smile at the
salesman as he rang up her order.

Akane tried to keep pace, but was having trouble. It would be so much
easier if she could plow through the crowd, yet her older sister moved
through them like a mist. After a while of trying to keep up with her
sister, she sighed in defeat and decided to do some shopping on her own.
Passing by the various vendors, she couldn't help herself and bought
some leftover Valentines Day chocolates on sale. 

Akane munched on the chocolate amazed at how that while she craved it,
it also made her a bit nauseous. Not that she was going to let a little
upset stomach prevent her from eating what her taste buds wanted.

"Now miss, tell me if this isn't the freshest fish you ever smelled?" A
salesman said shoving a whole tuna fish under Akane's nose.

Akane hadn't been paying much attention until the overwhelming scent of
dead fish wafted through her nostrils. Her eyes crossed as she looked
down at lifeless corpse. She knew what was going to happen now, and
there was nothing she could do about it.

The salesman saw the girl turn an ugly shade of green and tried to pull
his hand back away from her, but was too late. The fish and his arm were
now dripping of vomit, and he could only look at the 'fresh fish' in
ghastly horror.

Akane blushed and raised a hand to cover her mouth. "I...I'm so sorry! I
couldn't stop it."

The vendor in the next sales booth was rolling on the floor laughing.
"Suzuhara, you idiot. You deserved that!"

"Shut up, Aida. I'm just trying to sell fish. How am I suppose to now
she's allergic to fish?" The fish salesman scowled, tempted to 'clean'
his arm on other vendor's stuff rather then the cloth towel he was now
using.

"Allergic?! That's Saotome Akane, you brainless twit. Everyone knows
she's pregnant!"

Akane wondered if you could die from embarrassment, because she wanted
to. First throwing up on a complete stranger and then having someone
else, who she would swear she didn't know, was talking about her like
she's some celebrity that has her entire life made public knowledge.

"Saotome?! Pregnant?!" The fish salesman looked at Akane, who nodded.
"Erm, sorry... my mistake...." He handed Akane a somewhat clean towel to
clean herself with.

"Oh, Akane, there you are. Are you all right?" Kasumi called. She looked
uneasily at the fish salesman. 

Akane shook her head. "I want to go home, oneechan."

"Oh, my. Did my little sister ruin that fish?" Kasumi asked, looking at
the trashcan where the fish salesman had put it.

The salesman chuckled lightly. "Um, you could say it's my fault. Gotta
learn not to be so pushy."

Kasumi eyed the other fish he had for sale. "At least let me buy a fish
from you. It wouldn't seem right to not do at least that."

"Ah, sure."

Kasumi quickly selected a fish and wrapped it herself and paid for it.
She held her sister lightly as they walked back home.

-----------------------------

Akane sighed, working on homework had never been this tiring. Well, it
wasn't the homework that made her tired but she didn't want to blame the
true cause since she preferred not to think to about it too much, just
one out of every five minutes.

She closed her literature book and was pretty much ready for bed.
"Ranma, are you done with your homework yet?" She was answered with a
snore.

Akane turned to look at her husband who was sleeping face down in his
English book. She shook her head and giggled. She went over to the bed
and lifted Ranma's head to remove the book and then set him back down
gently onto the pillow.

Akane sighed again, deciding against waking him up. "Can't have sex with
him every night," she muttered. She undressed and put on her pajamas.
She giggled slightly, realizing it was the first time in almost a month
she actually undressed herself before going to bed. She curled up to her
husband and soon fell asleep.

----------

Akane growled. For the third time that night she had woken up to go the
bathroom. She wanted to find whoever coined the term 'Morning Sickness'
and beat him to a bloody pulp. It certainly wasn't a woman, because she
would know that sick feeling lasted twenty-four seven and certain things
that came with it that don't happen in the morning but in the middle of
the night. Okay, so her bladder control was worse than when she was
being potty trained at any point of the day, however it was intolerable
in the middle of the night.

Akane wanted to slam the door when she left, but stopped herself. It
wasn't Kasumi's fault that she was pregnant and didn't want to chance
waking her up. If she wasn't asleep, everyone else be damned.

Akane opened the door entered her room and shut the door behind her with
more force than was needed. She glared at her husband. He was the cause
of her suffering. It was his seed that was growing in her, making her
nauseous and near complete loss of her ability to stop herself from
peeing.

Akane stomped towards her bed, her eyes narrowed at her husband and
shook him awake.

Ranma opened his weary eyes and looked at his wife. "Akane? Is something
wrong?"

Akane's eyes were unfocused for a brief second and then snarled, "Yes!
We didn't have sex last night." She kissed him passionately and her
hands started to roam across his body.

Ranma returned her kiss and reciprocated her actions. 

-----------------------------

Godai was starting to really dislike this history class. The Saotome
twins really unnerved him. The girl was belching up a storm and the boy
was balancing five pencils point down on the back of his hand. He really
wanted to talk to them and express his displeasure, but just after class
ended a girl came up to him and asked him for his phone number. He spent
the next five minutes explaining he was not available and that she look
for someone her age. When that didn't work he left the same way the
Saotomes did, through the window. That tree outside the window was a god
send as he only received a few scratches from the branches verses
whatever the ground would do to him.

-----------------------------

Ranma frowned. Lunch had just started and Akane had just taken one whiff
of her food and ran for the bathroom. He hoped she'd get better soon,
but knew it might be months before then. He noticed Kuno approaching and
wondered why he looked ready to fight.

"Saotome, I wish to spar with you," Kuno said flatly.

"Spar?" Ranma blinked. "Why?"

"Nabiki has made a point of telling me of my 'less than par' skill in
the art and I ask that you help point out where I error in my skills."
Kuno smirked. 

Ranma shrugged, inhaled his food, and stood up. "Ready?"

Kuno nodded once and lunged forward towards Ranma's chest. Ranma dodged
and tapped Kuno on the shoulder.

Godai saw one of the students in a kendo outfit carrying a bokken
approach the Saotome boy. He rushed towards them in hopes to save the
weaponless Saotome. He was held back by the gym teacher, who just told
him to, 'watch.' Godai couldn't believe his eyes as Saotome danced
around the bokken-wielding student. By the speed of the movements, Godai
knew he'd last all of a second against the kendoist and Saotome wouldn't
give him a fraction of one.

Kuno called forth, "Rage of the gods!" He swung down in a mighty stroke.
He was truly surprised to feel weight on his weapon. Ranma was standing
on it.

Ranma glared at Kuno not in a manner unlike how Genma or Cologne glared
at him when he screwed up in training. "Now, student, you have learn
your forms well however you don't know how to improvise. You used that
move on me dozens of times, naming it differently doesn't change the
move. You are too stuck in patterns, and while you've gotten faster and
stronger since I met you but anyone who has seen you fight can easily
find holes in your defense and make you pay for them. Vary your attacks,
find new combination, and think of that bokken of yours as part of you
and not some tool." Ranma back flipped off the bokken and moved towards
Akane who had watched part of the match.

Kuno blinked at Ranma. He hated that look as his sensei had used it on
him so many times. He vaguely remembered his sensei saying something
like that before he had fired him, and wondered if he should have
listened. He heard an icy feminine voice call his name and wondered how
much trouble his sparring match just got him into. "Hello, my goddess of
yen, did you enjoy watching me spar with Saotome?" He gulped as Nabiki
narrowed her eyes, lots of trouble.

Ranma was surprised to see Akane staring daggers at him. "What's wrong?"

"How... how dare you do that?" she seethed.

"What do you mean?"

"Spar with Kuno. You won't spar with me and yet you spar with him and
you took him seriously!"

"Come on, Akane, I can't spar with you considering, you know." Ranma
wave his hand towards her mid-region.

"How about BEFORE that? You've NEVER taken me seriously in any sparring
match! You NEVER explained to me what I'm doing wrong! And you just do
that with Kuno of all people. Why not me?!" Akane shook with anger.

"Aw, Akane, I, ah, well... didn't want to hurt you... I mean, how would
it look if I start punching you around?"

"We're martial artists, damn it. When we spar it's in the dojo, so if
they don't know it's practice and nothing serious- it's their fault."

"Calm down. I didn't know it meant that much to you."

"Calm down? Didn't know?" Akane's fist clenched and unclenched several
times. She turned around and yelled, "You're sleeping on the roof
tonight!" She stomped off.

Ranma looked like someone just deballed him. "Akane, wait. I'm sorry,
really I am. I'll make it up to you. Please stop...." 

The Saotomes disappeared into the school.

"Honeymoon is over," Daisuke observed.

"Ouch. I thought Dad had it bad when Mom makes him sleep in the closet."
Hiroshi shuddered.

"At least the weather isn't too bad."

"Cold front moves in tonight. It's going to rain."

"You're right, ouch. Ranma better make up with Akane soon then." Daisuke
walked with Hiroshi back into the school.

Godai hadn't been too far away from them. His mouth hung loosely and he
hadn't stopped blinking since Akane's declaration. "Sleep on the roof?
Honeymoon... over?" He asked aloud. "They're married?!"

-----------------------------

Gosunkugi screamed while running down the street.

Daisuke looked up from what he was doing. "What's up, voodoo?"

Gosunkugi stopped and looked at him with frightened eyes. "Hide me!"

Daisuke blinked. "Why?"

"Kodachi's after me for a 'third date.'" Gosunkugi shuddered.

"So why do you want to hide from her?"

"She is insane. And she won't take no for an answer."

"That's a problem?"

"Just hide me, PLEASE!" Gosunkugi pleaded.

"Sure, if I can borrow your hammer and some nails." Daisuke blinked as
they were thrust into his hand. He went to the alley and pointed at a
door. "You can hide in there. If Dad says anything, tell him I let you
stay there for a little bit. And don't touch anything."

Gosunkugi nodded and entered the backroom of Daisuke's father's store,
an electronic rental outlet. He started to salivate at the geek's
paradise he found himself in.

Daisuke smiled. With these he could finish his project, and he did that
just as someone jumped in front of him. 

"Tell me, do you know where my lovely Gos-chan is at?" Kodachi asked.

Daisuke shuddered slightly at the idea of Gosunkugi with her and with a
bit of desire for what lay behind the leotard that she was wearing. "Um,
ah, haven't seen him." 

Kodachi sagged a little and turned to leave but noticed something. The
sidewalk she was on felt loose and its movement effected a rope next to
her. She blinked as the rope was attached to a pulley that had a pretty
good work ratio as the minute movement she caused on one end caused the
other end of the rope to switch on a fan. The fan blew a toy sailboat
across a birdbath. She stared in fascination as the boat had a needle
attached to the front of it and it speared a chicken when it ended its
half-meter journey. The chicken jumped in fright and laid an egg. The
egg drops off to the side and broke onto a skillet with a shallow tilt.
The skillet cooked the egg as it slid across. When the egg fell out of
the other end, it landed onto a plate. Next to the plate was a sign
saying 'free food,' which a panda came by and took both the egg and the
plate. Removing the plate cause the seesaw it was on to lift. When the
other end reached the ground it hit a pair of scissors that were force
shut, which cut a string. The string held the counter weight in place
for a net. A net that scoped up Kodachi in one fell swoop.

"It worked! It worked!" Daisuke cheered. "Now to lure Shampoo into
that."

Kodachi looked ready to kill. "Get me down from here. NOW!"

Daisuke took one look at her, and saw immense pain coming; so he ran.

Kodachi continued to swing in the net. She pulled a knife out of
somewhere and started cutting the net. "The nerve of him. To set such a
wondrous trap and he wants to use that on that trollop. I didn't think
anyone was smart enough to make anything like this and he wants her.
Maybe I should convince him that I would make a better consort."

-----------------------------

Akane laid in bed, awake. She wanted to let Ranma inside, but she had
punished him in front of the school so he had to go through with it. She
was not about to let up on this, as what he did was wrong, it had hurt
her, and it would look like she'd be willing to let him get away with
anything. Besides, maybe he would start treating her seriously the next
time they sparred now.

Akane sighed, wondering how was she going to get to sleep. She hadn't
slept alone since the wedding and had gotten use to Ranma's presence.
Well, if it started to rain, she would let Ranma back in.

Akane snored peacefully as it began to pour outside.

-----------------------------

Ranma shivered while covering herself with a heavy blanket. She wondered
why Akane insisted she still had to take this 'punishment,' since Akane
had calmed down considerably later but wouldn't relent that she had to
sleep here. At least her wife didn't say anything about using some of
Ryoga's stuff to keep the rain off and to keep warm.


************

Author's Notes:

The pre-reader this time was Word '97 so I'm sure there are mistakes.

To my usual pre-readers: Please contact me. I either lost your email
address or you haven't responded to the draft I sent two weeks ago and
would like to now what's going on. 

To those who want to pre-read: Please contact me as well, I'll add you
onto the list.

Heat Chapter 2 is ready and available in draft form at
http://www.mich.com/~archive/anime
If anyone want to pre-read it either contact me for a copy or download
it from that page. I want to send it to the FFML in a couple days.

-- 
-Lord Archive	http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Fuji/9061/anime.html
                    Sanity is highly overrated. 
              Mom said there would be days like this, 
                but not this freaking many of them.

    Source: geocities.com/tokyo/fuji/9061/TIC