Computer Illiterates Jokes

Customer : I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it 
just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech sup : OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer : Yeah....
Tech sup : And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer : Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD 
player and all I get is weird  noises. Listen.....
Tech sup : Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!

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Tech     : Thanks for calling Blah.net. How can I help you?
Customer : Yes, I can't get my Internet to work...
Tech     : Okay....are you getting any error messages?
Customer : No...I just can't get it to work.
Tech     : Okay, can you double click your mouse on the  Netscape icon?
Customer : I don't have a mouse.
*moment of stunned silence*
Tech     : Hrm...you don't have a mouse?
Customer : You people did NOT LEAVE ANY VERMIN AT MY HOUSE WHEN YOU
INSTALLED ME!!!!!! I DON"T HAVE A D#@* MOUSE!!!!!!
small child's voice: Mommy....he means this thing...*click click*...
Customer : Oh....

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A lady called in to Tech Support and said she couldn't get
on the Internet. The tech asked her if she was getting any
error messages when she tried to connect to the Internet.
The lady said she didn't know if she was or not because
the power was off in her house and she couldn't see the
error message.

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Tech : Internet Technical Support this is so-and-so speaking.
        May I have your username please?
Female Customer : Yes I want to speak to the person in charge  
immediately!
Tech: Speaking. What can I do for you?
Female Customer : I want to complain about the pornographic  bookmarks 
your company put in my web browser!
Tech : We didn't put any pornographic bookmarks in your web browser.
Female Customer : Oh yes you did! I'm looking at them right now!
Tech : Where exactly are these "bookmarks" located?
Female Customer : In Netscape!
Tech : And where exactly in Netscape would that be?
Female : In that little list that comes down when you click the  little
down arrow!
Tech : The one right above the Net Search button?
Female Customer : Yes that one!
Tech : Miss, that's the Netscape history list. Netscape keeps  the past 
ten links you typed in that box. The only way  to  put an address in that 
box is for someone to physically sit at your computer and type in a 
web address.
Female Customer: Well I certainly didn't type in those X rated   web
addresses!
Tech: Well somebody did. Who has access to your computer and uses the
Internet?
Female Customer : Just me and my son!....................
                         oh!........ OOOH! ......Thank you.
She quickly hung up

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Tech: Internet Tech Support. This is so-and-so speaking.
Customer: Yes, I can't run Netscape.
Tech: Are you getting any specific error messages when  you try to run
Netscape?
Customer: Yes, it says; "Missing operating system."
Tech: You're getting that error message when you try to  run 
Netscape????
Customer: Yes.
Confused Tech: I've never heard of that error message  in 
Netscape......
Tech thinks about this for a minute
Tech: Let's back up and start from the beginning. Tell me everything 
you are doing up to the point you get that error message.
Customer: Well first I turn on my computer and then it
says; "Missing operating system."

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Unbelievable but True!

A woman called in to Tech Support and said she put the
cd for our software in her cd drive, and it was now stuck
in the drive and she could not get it out. Fortunately her
daughter came over during the call and it was determined
that the woman did not have a cd drive at all and she had
attempted to insert her cd in the 3.5" diskette drive. When
the cd would not fit the woman trimmed the cd down to size
with her scissors until it would fit in the 3.5" diskette drive.
(This IS a true story!)

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A lady called in to Tech Support in tears. She had been on the
Internet and was attempting to download a program with Microsoft
Internet Explorer 3.0. Internet Explorer gave it's usual warning about
downloading programs off the internet that says; "Some programs may
contain viruses or may be otherwise harmful to your computer...", so
she made her children go outside, she locked the door, she
put all  her icons in the "Recycle Bin" for Windows 95, turned off her
computer, and then called Tech Support because she was afraid her 
family might catch a virus from her computer. It took the Tech 
Support supervisor at least  twenty minutes to calm her down and 
explain.
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Tech talking to customer using Windows 95;
Tech: Ok..Click on "My Computer".
Customer: How am I going to click on your computer!

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Tech trying to help a customer who is connected to the
internet on a separate phone line but cannot check his email.
Tech: Do you get an error message when you try to check your email?
Customer: Yes.
Tech: What does the error message say?
Customer: It's on my screen. Can't you see it?

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To see the world in a grain of sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour
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