Memo on Politeness in Office
 MEMORANDUM
 
      It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
      throughout the company have been using foul language during the 
      course of normal conversation with their coworkers.  Due to 
      complaints received from some employees who may be easily 
      offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
 
      We do however realize the critical importance of being able to
      accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers,
      therefore, a list of preferred new phrases has been provided so that
      proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective
      manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.
 
      Preferred Phrase
      * Old Phrase
 
 
 
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      Perhaps I can work late
      * When the fuck do you expect me to do this?
 
      I'm certain that is not feasible
      * No fucking way
 
      Really?
      * You've got to be shitting me
 
      Perhaps you should check with ...
      * Tell someone who gives a shit
 
      Of course I'm concerned
      * Ask me if I give a shit
 
      I wasn't involved in that project
      * Its not my fucking problem
 
      That's interesting behavior
      * What the fuck?!?!
 
      I'm not sure I can implement this
      * Fuck it, it won't work
 
      I'll try to schedule that
      * Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?
 
      Are you sure this is a problem
      * Who the fuck cares?
 
      He's not familiar with the problem
      * He's got his head up his ass
 
      Excuse me sir?
      * Eat shit and die motherfucker
 
      So you weren't happy with it?
      *Kiss my ass
 
      I'm a bit overloaded at this moment
      * Fuck it, I'm on salary
 
      I don't think you understand
      * Shove it up your ass
 
      I love a challenge
      * This job sucks
 
      You want me to take care of that?
      * Who the hell died and made you boss?
 
      I see
      * Blow me
 
      Yes, we really should discuss it
      * Another fucking meeting!!!!
 
      I don't think this will be a problem
      * I really don't give a shit
 
      He's somewhat insensitive
      * He's a fucking prick
 
      She's an aggressive go getter
      * She's a ball busting bitch
 
      I think you could use more training
      * You don't know what the fuck you're doing
 
 
 An Office Prayer
 Grant me the serenity
 To accept the things
 I cannot change,
 The courage to change
 the things I cannot accept,
 And the Wisdom to hide
 the bodies of those people
 I had to kill today
 because they pissed me off and
 also, help me to be careful of
 the toes I step on today
 as they may be connected to the ass
 that I might have to kiss tomorrow
 
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