Women Vs Men
 Women Vs Men
 ============
 
 The Difference
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 Women have more imagination than men.
 They need it to tell us how wonderful we are.
 
 Women have their faults. Men have only two.
 Everything they say. Everything they do.
 
 A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
 A successful women is one who can find such a man.
 
 
 The Style
 _________
 Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
 Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
 
 When women are depresssed they either eat or go shopping.
 Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking
 
 A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one-dollar item he
 wants.
 A woman will pay one dollar for a two-dollar item that she doesn't
 want.
 
 
 The Workplace
 _____________
 When a man gives his opinion, he's a man.
 When a woman gives her opinions, she's a bitch.
 
 Women are the only exploited group in history who have been
 idealized into powerlessness.
 
 
 Relationships
 _____________
 Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs are a man's best friend.
 Now you know which sex is smarter.
 
 Most men's primary fantasy is still, unfortunately, access to a
 number of
 beautiful women. For a man, commitment means giving up this fantasy. 
 
 Most women's primary fantasy is a relationship with one man who either
 provides economic security or is on his way to doing so ( he has
 "potential"). For a woman, commitment to this type of man means
 achieving
 this fantasy. 
 
 So commitment often means that a woman achieves her primary fantasy,
 while a man gives his up. 
 
 It's not true that men prefer foolish women. Rather they prefer women
 who can simulate foolishness whenever necessary, which is the very 
 core of intelligence. 
 
 
 Sex
 ___
 When a man falls in love, he wants to go to bed.
 When a woman falls in love, she wants to talk about it.
 
 I love the lines the men use to get us into bed.
      "Please, I'll only put it in for a minute."
      " What am I, a microwave ?"
 
 
 Man's greatest advantage in the battle of the sexes is woman's
 curiosity.
 
 One puzzling thing about men - they allow their sex instincts to drive
 them to where their intelligence never would take them. 
 
 
 Love
 ___
 Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women have a more
 subtle instinct :
 What they like is to be a man's last romance.
 
 The only way to understand a woman is to love her -
 and then it isn't necessary to understand her.
 
 " A guys know he's in love when he wants to grow old with a woman.
 When he wants to stay with her in the morning ....
 When he starts calling sex "making love" and afterward wants a great
 big hug.
 When he loses interest in the car for a couple of days.
 It's that simple, I swear."
 
 To women, love is an occupation.
 To men, a preoccupation.
 
 A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks.
 A woman loses hers after four kisses.
 
 To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a
 little.
 To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to
 understand her at all.
 
 
 Marriage
 _______
 A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
 A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she
 does.
 
 Men marry because they are tired;
 woman because they are curious;
 Both are disappointed
 
 A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband,
 while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
 
 A woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to
 marry her;
 a man, of the woman who didn't.
 
 There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman
 - before marriage and after marriage
 
 
 Husbands
 ________
 Two days are the best of a man's wedded life,
 The days when he marries and buries his wife.
 
 Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy.
 One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is
 to let her have it.
 
 Married men live longer than single men,
 But married men are a lot more willing to die.
 
 Any married man should forget his mistakes - no use two people
 remembering the same thing.
 
 Women, deceived by men, want to marry them;
 it is a kind of revenge as good as any other.
 
 
 Wives
 _____
 A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been
 extracted
 
 Mahatma Gandhi was what wives wish their husbands were : thin, tan
 and moral.
 
 Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke.
 
 Husbands are like cars: all are good the first year.
 
 You marry the man of your dreams,
 but fifteen years later, you're married to a reclining chair that
 burps.
 
 When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason - there's a reason.
 
 
 The Battle
 ________
 A woman has the last word in any argument.
 Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
 
 
 On Men
 _______
 Man is the missing link between the ape and the human being.
 
 Adam is but man's first draft.
 
 If you women knew what we  were thinking, you'd never stop slapping
 us.
 
 Men are like animals, but they make great pets.
 
 A man is one who loses his illusions first,
 his teeth second, and his follies last.
 
 When you take away what a man is born with,
 and what his mother made him all you would have is an ego.
 
 
 On Woman
 _________
 Can you imagine a world without  men ?
 No crime and lots of happy fat women.
 
 Women have two weapons - cosmetics and tears.
 
 Women may be the only group that grows more radical with age.
 
 God made man before woman to give him time to think of an answer for
 her first question.