Operating Systems

 Dear sir,

 Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and
 noticed that the new program began unexpected child
 processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
 No mention of such phenomenon was included in the product
 brochure.
 In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other
 programs and launches during system initialization where
 it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as
 KaraOk-Night 10.3 and Beerbash 2.5 no longer run, crashing
 the system whenever selected.
 I cannot   seem to purge Wife 1.0 from my system.  I am
 thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0 but uninstall does not 
 work on this program. Can you help me?

 Jonathan Powell

******************
 Dear Jon,

 This is a very common problem men complain about but is
 mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade
 from Girlfriend 1.0 to  Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is
 a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT"program. In fact, Wife 1.0 is an
 "OPERATING SYSTEM" and designed by it's creator to run everything.
 It is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program from the
 system once installed.
 You cannot go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is
 not designed  to do this. Some have tried to install
 Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems
 that original system.  Look in your manual
 under WARNINGS: Alimony / Child Support.  I recommend you
 keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.

 Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you
 read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults
 (GPFs).  You must  assume all responsibiltiy for faults and
 problems that might occur.
 The best course of action will be to push the apologise
 button then reset button as soon as lock-up occurs. System
 will run smooth as long as you take blame for all GPFs.

  Wife 1.0 is a great program but is very high maintenace.

 Answer Man.
 ps. do not attempt to install illegal program like
 Mistress 1.0 which  is currently circulating both local and
 overseas. Such program once  detected by Wife 1.0 will
 result unimaginable damages and cost of repair may incur
 very high fee and time, not to mention emotional distress.