Suggestive Jokes R(A)

WARNING!!!! THE MATERIAL BELOW CONTAINS
OFFENSIVE(SUGGESTIVE)

I was scared at first.  It was very wide, and very long, and it angled
straight up.  I decided I had to try it once. I slowly and carefully
eased myself onto it.  It felt weird at first. Then I got used to it.  
I went up and down, and up and down on it.  I was really loving it.
Now I ride on escalators all the time.
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I took my fingers and slowly, gently stretched it apart. It was so pure
and white.  I licked it once, twice...  I found I couldn't stop. I licked
it faster and faster, and harder.  I began to scrape my teeth against
it. There it was, in my mouth!  All sweet and creamy.  I was done.
I threw away the outsides of my Oreo cookie.
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I squeezed it gently at first, then a little bit harder. There seemed
to be more and more of it. I moved it towards my lips. It was a 
strange and new sensation for me.  I put it in my mouth and
moved it around and around with my tongue.  The time soon 
came when I knew I had to spit it out.
It was quite an experience the 1st time I tasted toothpaste.
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They were both round and firm.  There was only the slightest difference
between the two. I squeezed it hard.  I used my other hand to grab the
other one and twist it hard the other way.
Now there's a brighter light bulb in the living room.
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It was laying limp in my hand.  It was very long, kind of thin. I slid
it between my fingers until I got to the end of it. I was turning it on.
It became firm in my hands, and the end was wet. Then it got very 
hard and began gushing out of the tip.
Then I took the garden hose and watered the bushes.
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I knew it could be done.  I wanted to try but I didn't know if I could
do it.  I called my friend.  He said he knew how to do it and 
would teach me.
He put his arms around me and started. I watched nervously in the
mirror. He finally finished and pulled back slowly.  I felt 
relieved that it was over.
I hate neckties.
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It looked warm and dark, and juicy and inviting.  I wasn't 
sure just what I wanted to do with it.  I carefully pulled it
apart with my fingers to look into it better.  I knew how 
great it would be if I just started eating it.
But I decided on catsup for my burger.
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They were two of the biggest balls I had ever seen! They 
hung so heavy and low.  I tried lifting them gently, but that
wasn't enough. They had to be pulled, and I pulled on 
them very hard.  They finally came.
I moved them to a higher spot on the Christmas tree.
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and just what were you thinkin' ????   ;)