Why Men Can't Win...
      

      If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
      If you don't work enough, you are a good for nothing bum.
      
      If you cry, you are a wimp.
      If you don't, you are an insensitive bastard.

      If you want it too often, you are oversexed.
      If you don't, there must be someone else.

      If you try to keep yourself in shape, you are vain.
      If you don't, you are a slob.

      If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism. 
      If she gets job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity
                 
      If you make a decision without consulting her, you are a    
      chauvinist pig.
      If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's liberated
      woman
      
      If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's
      domination
      If she asks you, it's a favor.
          
      If you buy her flowers, you are after something.
      If you don't, you are not thoughtful.
      
      If you are proud of your achievements, you are up on yourself.
      If you don't, you are not ambitious.