Last year around this time, I wrote about my feelings....so I guess I should write another one...an annual thing. Is funny last year this time I was worried about where my future was heading but now, I still do not know what in the world I'm doing. The only difference I guess is just that last year this time I hated school, now I actually want to go back. Ironic in a way I think. Also last year I think my writing is better....anyone noticed??

ALot of things happened in this short year. Too much in my opinion. My world, uused to be happy where I think everyone treats me nicely as long as I treated them nicely but one person showed me that this is not true. And no matter how nice you are, there are people out there who will hurt you because you're kind. Well thanks to that person I've learned my lesson and now thanks to that person, I'm not as nice as before....you can say I'm a bitch now if I want to be one. But although that's the case, there are some other things I also learned. What's yours is yours and what's not will never be. Take my word on that.

Some things I can never say to people in person except when I'm in parties where I just tell my heart out. So now I'll say what I have to say here. I have to thank many people for being there for me when I was really sad. If yous were not there, I don't know what would've happened to me. Seriously, I love all of you who are really my TRUE friends....although I might not call or contact you(s) often, trust me I can distinguish yous from the rest. And don't worry, I'm going to wake up soon, no more drugs. Give me time. And please continue to stand by me because I'll need you to quit that stuff.

I've changed alot, I know. For the better? Yes, no , maybe so. I don't know. However I hope the old me will come back. The one that is hardworking and competes with everyone like how I used to (in a friendly way of course). The world is changing fast too. I had so many people leaving my life that I am scared more will follow. Please tell me you won't be the next one.

Oct.16, 1999 3:14am

I haven't updated my homepage for awhile....so I decided the first thing I should do is update everyone, if anyone that actually comes to my area of the cyberspace. Nothing special is happening in my boring life....but yet it is changing tremendously...emotionally that is. The feeling of uncertainty has never been so overwhelming as now. It is hard for me to describe but I think when you get to the stage when you don't know what's ahead of you, you'll agree with me. In 2 months, I'll be done university...then what? I felt like I haven't done much during these so-called 4 years except my knowledge of Japanese which I'm so thankful for. My GPA slipped faster than if I was to jump off the 14th floor of Robarts( to those who don't go to UT, it's like the CN tower of the St. George campus at UT). My degree of laziness increased faster than the dollar amounts on my credit cards statements.

Although in school I didn't achieve much, I'd like to think that in other parts of life I did. I think I became a better person during these few years. I am nott as depressed and suicidal as before or am I? And for the last part at least, I tried hard not to be so tempermental....does anyone notices? Because I certainly think not since no one really say anything about it. Overall, I think I'm a nicer person than before....but if you know me personally and you don't think so...tell me, so maybe I can change.

I have no idea why I'm writing this....well, maybe as a momento so I can look back on this maybe a year later if I'm still alive....(yes I've been feeling suicidal lately) or if Y2K doesn't destroy this. Anyways, I'd just like to thank those who helped me along the way. Thank yous to those who talked with me when I needed it most. Thank yous to those who made me laugh and forget my sorrows. Thanks to those who put up with my singing at K. Remember, though I don't seem to act like it, you're all loved. Best wishes and luck.

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