I then waited for the sh!t to hit the fan...
And the thing is... it never did. We actually sat down and talked about everything, thought it through, and decided to do what it would take for us both to be happy.
.....
So, now I'm her brother.
No... this ISN'T one of those ol' fanfics in which martial artist gets the girl. (not THIS girl anyway... There'll be others).
This is one of those in your face-type, real-life type, accounts by everyone's favourite Wild Stallion, yours truly. And, as you all might have noticed... I hardly lead a charmed life. I mean, how often does everything go perfectly according to plan for YOU?
But, I digress. How the heck did this weird thing occur, you ask?
***FLASHBACK:***
"I... well... damnit! I...."
"Just say it... don't worry too much, ok?" "I LOVE you! There, I said it! I love you, and I have loved you for a long time, and I will ALWAYS love you. Always. I love you more than any guy should love a girl. I love you more than is healthy for me. And... I need you. I need you more than anyone else in this world. I need you more than anyone else does, or ever will. Without you... my life just has no meaning. I love you."
Hmmmph... wouldn't you know? The first time is the hardest. After that, it just all came bursting out in a flood. Well, years of pent up emotions WILL do that to you...
Her reply?
"I... I'm... sorry... but, I just can't give you what you need from me."
And that was it. My world started crashing around me. I could FEEL the Depression Blast forming in me, unsummoned. Heck, in the state I was in, the only thing keeping the building we were in structurally intact was the fact that SHE was in it too.
"I just can't see myself with you in that sense now, and... well, as you know, there's someone else."
I did know in fact. Or rather I had suspected, correctly as it turns out. Just a hunch, but you know how my sixth sense works, right? Yeah, I hadn't suspected then. I had KNOWN. Heck, you could trace the path I had taken home that night by the damaged walls, lamp posts and other broken stuff leading away. I had refrained from hurting any actual PEOPLE though. I had wanted nothing better than to start a fight with someone, anyone, any GROUP actually, to make it more of a challenge. Or so it would last longer, so I could inflict MORE of the pain that I had been feeling onto others... but I didn't. It wouldn't have been nice for EITHER of us for me to make a police report that I had lost it because of some jealous rage for her. Besides... I know what I'm capable of. Someone would have died that night. Probably more.
So I had gone home and moped. Little sleep, little food, no training. And you know what I'm like about food and my martial arts training.
And that had led to this confrontation. Heck, I was starving myself to death, (or angsting myself to death, really, which is a far worse way to go... it's possibble too, ask your doctor), so... how much worse could things go? Besides... I needed an end to this, one way or another.
And so...
"But... couldn't you give me a chance? I mean, anyhow? Old times sake, maybe? I mean, I... I really need...", but even as the words left my mouth, I knew the answer. That tomboy, once she makes up her mind about something, she don't change it easily, no. And...
"Well... I DID. I'm sorry, but... you didn't qualify"
"Think of it like a job interview," said the brown-red haired, short haired, financial whiz from her family, "You've just applied to a company which is looking for different criteria from the ones you possess. So... don't feel too bad. You'd best apply to some other company."
Well, gee, thanks for the advice, Nabs. Coming from you, I should have expected THAT version of the old, "many fish in the sea" line.
Didn't do me any good right now though.
.....
.....
.....
So, I guess you're wondering how I finally adopted her as my sister?
I... guess that... it was something to do with how I would love her, and I KNEW that I would always love her. For the rest of our lives and beyond, perhaps. So, if my love could not be replied, and could not be destroyed... could it then, like energy, be CHANGED?
Do not quote me on the following... it was more or less like this, but only more or less... it's not like the rest of what I'm writing here is word for word exact, but I don't care about the rest. Cause, what's coming next are the two most important lines in this story. And no rewording, or retelling of this is going to make it feel like how it felt like to me at that moment. So, I'm just going to give you the gist of it, and leave the details to you.
"Can I adopt you as my sister?"
"... yeah, ok."
And that was it. (more or less. See, I TOLD you I couldn't recapture that moment exactly!)
It might seem like just some dopey everyday comment from one joker to some girl, but to me... I felt like some enormous weight had lifted off my shoulders. Like I had just completed something that would change my life. Like... well, put it this way. You know all that I've accomplished throughout my life, all my achievements, my victories?
Quite possibly, none ever felt as good as this one.
"WHY??? HOW??? " you ask? How on Earth can I be HAPPY with that result?
I asked myself the same. Why in the world DID it feel so good, when I had been hurting worse than any beating I had ever taken in my life just moments before?
In hindsight now, I realize that I have lost nothing, and gained much. Maybe not all I set out for, but more than I was hoping for.
I will always be there for her now. I will always protect her. I will always love her, and she will accept my love. I will care for her, I will make her happy, I will guide her, I will be guided by her.
And most important of all, I won't ever lose her.
So, I'm actually happy now. Really, better than before in fact. Eh, could it be that I was just so desperate for someone to love with my whole heart that I fell to this? So in need of someone to love me, to receive my affection?
Nah! I'm tougher than that! I'm the best! And... besides... heh... well...
I just can't see myself feeling for anyone else what I did for her. She's special, and not just anyone can make me feel the way I felt.
But as of some time ago, all my previous feelings just... well, changed. Really! I... don't want her in that way anymore. I never thought it'd be possible, but I don't. Now I just feel the sort of feelings a brother has for his sister.
(Incest is bad, you freaks!!!)
Well, assuming here that I knew what it was like having a sister before. Heck, she might have a couple of sisters, but having a brother is a new experience for her too. So, it's sorta cool, I guess. VERY cool, at the moment actually. I've always HAVE wanted a younger sister to spoil rotten. It's all ojayi's fault that I never did.
And now our families are joined.
Ironic, yet poetically beautiful.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm happier than I've been in a long time, and my life has taken a new direction. Besides...
Now I'm free to check out all those other pretty ladies, and test out all those tricks I've picked up over the years!
Did you know that Shiatsu has all SORTS of pleasure points? ... heh... that wasn't a typo by the way... And knowing the human body the way I do, from martial arts, that gives me the boost of knowing what reaction I'm going to get from touching what... Don't even mention my familiarity of the female body, that's off limits!
Disappointed? Well, I warned ya. But, as I said, don't feel sorry for me, cause I'm now happy. And best of all, from this whole experience I got what I was aiming for: CLOSURE. I am done with that chapter in my life, and am moving on. Some more unfortunate people grope around for the light switch for ever, never finding what they're looking for, or even if it's in the room. I lit a mtach, burnt my fingers, and found out that what I wanted wasn't there. But I found something just as good, maybe better, and a band-aid besides.
I wish everyone reading this success in their own pursuit of happiness, and REMEMBER! Sometimes the answer isn't what you think it is, or want it to be, but if everyone is trying to make the best of things, you can probably find happiness anyway.
If that's not to your taste, sorry. Fine, here's an original Japanese Haiku of dubious quality... I was never that good at that sort of thing:
Shimatta! Itai....
Kaiwoshimesu? Keishi.
Tanoshiomoide!