Disclaimer: None! Bwahahahaha!!! I lay claim to all characters portayed in this fic as mine, mine, MINE!!! So what if no one else agrees... mine I say, MINE!!! Ahem. Fine then, just in case, I claim that any "coincidental" resemblances to any characters/people who are alive/dead/ figments of the imagination are caused by the reader's imagination. Happy?

Too bad. I want to be happy too, but it's taking more effort than I care for. Eh.

Don't ask me why, but even after all this time, I just find it close to impossible to tell her how I feel about her. Sure, I mean she's cute and all, but it's not just that. It's something... deeper... more important...

Dammit! Well, that's basically my problem, perhaps. I know that I feel something really special for the tomboy...

no... no. That's wrong. She's more than just a tomboy. She's grown up to be a very beautiful young lady now. When I look at her, I don't just see that girl back from high school who used I sorta liked. I see some gorgeous 22 year old who's gone through all sorts of crazy stuff, some of it fun, some just plain upsetting, and come out of it a really incredible person. I see someone who just makes me want to throw myself on my knees in front of her and tell her how awonderful I think she is.

But I won't. Not yet. Truth is... I can't. I'm scared.

"Yeah, right," you say! The great martial artist himself, scared of some girl? Dude, you've faced a dozen opponents without backing down (pride? heck, maybe... it was one of my weaknesses back then). I've faced ridiculous odds that no sane person would want to go up against. I've defeated opponents who everyone else back in High School were scared stiff of! Of course, you couldn't compare Hiroshi or Daisuke to someone like me. I'd been learning my family's school of martial arts since I could walk. So, maybe I was just confident of my skills, or maybe it was just my pride as a martial artist, back then.

I've changed a lot since then. Heck. We all have. Who'd have thought that the lost boy himself would have settled into University? Appropriately enough, he ended up taking a course off in London. Heh. He actually intended to study back home, but, fanged boy being fanged boy... well, let's just say he didn't exactly PLAN on ending up a thousand miles from home. Then again, what else is new? It's not like he'd intended to end up on another continent all those other times either...

My childhood friend... you know, the one I went 10 years or so without seeing? Hmmm... bad memories there. Too many questions of what might have been, and what will NEVER be now... I won't say her name, but you know who I mean. I sorta liked her, when I met her again back then. Hey, I even thought she was cuter than that tomboy!

Ouch! Mallet to the head. Pain... Dammit. You wouldn't think it, but sometimes I actually WISH she'd hit me. She's really grown up since then though, and I haven't seen her really belt someone for ages. Sometimes I just miss that so much that I give myself a tap in the head for sentimental reasons, like just now. I mean, I'd be a baka, but I'd be HER baka... know what I mean?

Anyhow, my childhood friend has decided to be a woman after all. She's still back home, but in University now, like most of the rest of them. I hear she's dating someone there.

I'm happy for her.

And everyone's favourite girl from China? She's actually here believe it or not. And, would you believe it, we're now "good friends"! In other words, we hang out, but she's really interested in other guys now. And, NO, that does not make her a "bimbo"! I'll kill anyone who calls her that. Don't doubt it. I might not be training as hard as I once was, but I'm still a master in the art of Anything Goes Fighting.

As for myself... I'm still hung up on that short haired girl there, sitting in the front seat. As I stare at the back of her head, admiring her soft, sweet hair, I sigh to myself, "akane...", but not loud enough for her to hear. I wouldn't. Even after all these years, my weakness is still women. Some things never change.

Feh. some things never change all right. I'm just as hung up about women as I ever was. Which is surprising, when you consider how much of the female body I've managed to get access to throughout my cursed life. But... it's just not... right. You know what I mean?

And that's why I'm still a... well. As some of my cruder friends would put it, I still have a cherry on my slice of cake. Actually, those clowns would put it into more graphic terms, like "he hasn't stuck his D**K inot a P***Y yet!", but anyhow...

I've had offers of course. I mean, hey, you know who I am right? Naked chicks in the bath and stuff? But... I never took up on the offers then. Or any other time. Why?

Maybe cause none of the offers came from that kawaikune tomboy sitting in front of me.

Hah. Dream on, bud. She's not the kind of girl to say something like that. MAYBE your "love interest" from China, but not her. She's...

She's a nice girl. Maybe one of the nicest I know. And... maybe that's why I'm so crazy about her.

Maybe it's her smile. You know, even back then, it was my weakness. Even in those old days, when I was just telling myself that she was just some uncute tomboy, when she smiled... it was like, wow!

Nowadays, I tend to resort to just about anything to see that smile. Especially when it's for me. To see her laugh, to see her happy. It... it makes ME happy. All my troubles just seem to disappear.

Troubles... stupid oyajii. He's always getting himself in trouble nowadays. My mom is wondering whether he's gone off the deep end this time, what with Crazy Scheme #XX. Still, in the event that HE has to commit sepukku or whatever new way it is for killing himself, I won't be part of it. Mum knows that I'm a manly man now. But... that's not how I really feel. In spite of everything oyajii has done to me throughout my childhood, I still care for him. Besides, he's getting old now. It's actually reached the point where I shouldn't beat him up... I could do some permanent damage, even without meaning to.

Gah. What a life I have. It's certainly changed a lot ever since those days when studies weren't that important, and all I wanted was to be the best martial artist in the world. Childhood dreams, up in smoke. Well, it's a materialistic world out there, and I'm just NOT the sort of person who could take a life of freeloading. It wasn't MY idea back then, you know that! Besides, that's why I'm actually on the lookout for a job in some big league company next year.

Sometimes I feel like that she's the only real link I have to those old carefree days. Sometimes I feel like she's the only thing keeping me sane. At one point, her being here was the only thing keeping me from just packing it in and going off on a training trip. A LONG, extended, training trip, maybe for a couple of years or so.

But then what would be waiting for me when I came back? What if... she ended up with someone else during that time?

Besides that, I need to see her, every now and then.

Why haven't I just told her how I felt? Heh, heh... Who are we talking about here? ME and HER. I can just imagine myself being belted over the head for saying that.

Worse, I can imagine her smiling at me, and saying, "No. I'm sorry. But we can still be friends!"

Yeah, Lost Boy's nightmare. Heck, even that, bad as the thought is, pales to my worst case scenario.

What if it breaks up our friendship?

See, the thing no one else realizes is... Seeing someone just about every day, you get sorta... attached to them being around, you know? And, their merely being there as a friend, even if they don't appear to show any interest in you... it makes all the difference in your day.

Which is why a certain guy didn't just tell his prospective fiances to just get lost. Cause... even though he couldn't fill that role for them, he could still be their friend.

Not that I actually know of any guys like that. (no mallet for me, thanks)

If SHE started ignoring or avoiding me... I just couldn't take that. It'd break me.

Sure there's lots of fish in the sea. Hell, I've had some truly wonderful ones more than willing to be caught.

But she's special. No two ways about it. When I see her face, it just feels like the highlight of my day.

Even after all these years, my feelings for her have never faded. Heck, they're stronger than ever.

Which is why I'm writing this really. Just bottling up all these feelings is seriously messing with my inner harmony. I haven't been able to reach my Zen for ages. (baka. Zen is NOT a dirty word. Get your head out of the gutter!).

Maybe once I put my words to paper, I'll actually find the courage to tell her how I really feel. Not just my usual bit of comedy routine, where I mutter out that she's cute, half hoping she doesn't hear me. I want to pour out my heart to her, tell her how being CLOSE to her makes me feel more alive. How hearing her laugh lifts my heart like nothing else does. How just brushing against her makes me feel electrified, like I'd just been touched by an angel. (and I feel she is, sometimes)

Makes me wonder how it'd be to have my arms around her right now. You know... she's really stubborn about it sometimes, but I don't think she sees that I've always just wanted to keep her safe. I KNOW she can take care of herself. I respect her abilities as a martial artist. She used to be one of the best around. Not as good as me of course, but more than able to take care of herself.

It's just that... I don't think she ever understood what she meant to me. What it would DO to me if anything happened to her. So, even when I did let her be independant, I would constantly be fretting to myself, wondering whether she was alright. Praying that nothing happened to her.

Sometimes I just long to just grab her and hold her in my arms. To just hold her and protect her and never let her go. To keep her with me, to keep her safe, to feel her sweet sweet arms around me.

Of course, if I did that, I have NO DOUBT that I'd wind up in hospital. As I said, she knows how to take care of herself, especially against "sick" (as she once put it) people like myself.

Hey. Who knows. Maybe one day she'll read this. And maybe she'll know who wrote it, and she'll know who I'm talking about. And... then we'll see what happens.

Maybe she won't even know that it has anything to do with her. I dunno... how many people live lives like mine? Could this be mistaken for the life of someone else? She can be pretty dense when it suits her purposes, but she's pretty sharp most of the time... I'm guessing she'll figure it out.

In any case... I guess this'll have to be it for a while. I doubt I'll be able to summon up enough courage to just face her directly for a long long while. I COULD ask her sisters to talk to her for me... but no. She wouldn't like that. She'd want me to tell her herself.

And so, I leave this... message... as it is. The ramblings of a love sick martial artist who's made practically no progress or resolution to this whole affair, from since I met her all those years ago, to now. Will it this help to solve anything? Or will it be yet another milestone in my long, long journey?

All the other girls are long gone from my mind. It's only her now. Only her.

What is it going to take to get her to fall for me?