Run 1560, 21 December at Sentul Motorway Services. The Herbaceous birthday run.

Hare: Herpes (Herb 1) Co-Hares: B-1-o (Herb 2), Leeky Dick (not a Herb)

Stats: Members 25, plus 7 Visitors/New Members/Past-it Members – Total 32

A typical Herpes run of interlocking loops with mean checks kept the pack well together. Except for those who mislooped and did their own thing, such as Insp.G who stayed left and saw no checks - nor any paper. Maandi likewise strayed from the not so straight, but narrow. We crossed the toll and a kali and front runners ignored the obvious back check to the right only to pick wrongly; it went left and not straight on, before looping round to the right (met by Witless who doesn’t loop) through kampong to the river and another obvious check back over, which wise front runners stopped, to let Botaksan find. Over the bridge and right along the river, looping back and uphill to where Witless was already waiting, frustrated at having to find a check himself. Another loop, meet Witless at the next bridge, checkback- thanks MGM, and another loop, meet Witless at the top of the hill, avoid a lemmings leap where the trail turned abruptly left (you shouldn’t have tried to overtake me there, Superbrat) and on in to meet Father Christmases with several little boys sitting on their laps. YWHMH who normally has his pockets full of ready to relay paper, had sawdust there. Seems he met Pinocchio along the way and persuaded him to bend over.

When those little red spots appear later in the week, don’t worry, it aint the clap or siff. The site was infested with cute little striped mosquitoes, the sort that carry Dengue. There was also a plague of fat men in red outfits sporting hairy faces nowhere near as authentic as Skinhead’s. However they had their uses, pouring piss, and one of them could sing. Stand-in MM = Adthe Loo, RA = a strangely reticent Inspector G. Absentees from the committee meeting were given the benefit of a cool seat - TommyWho, Jungle F. A visitor - Vibrator - was somewhat envious, and this privilege was also extended to him. Maandi avoided censure for non-commitment by the simple expedient of having a lengthy mandi and turning up later. Mudfish, a returning past-member who never came on Monday hash when he lived here last year, had a cameo appearance. Itchy Cock, already the proud owner of a ten run shirt was given a drink as a new member, whilst Tajima, got the benefit of a new, cool and damp ten run shirt, and had his enthusiasm dampened even further by a bucketful from his mate, Botaksan.

My circle was a discussion with the long lost returnee Fast Eddy who came in mufti with his pooftah pal Lame Cock, who masquerades as a GM on another hash, on the odd occasion that he’s not pissed off with the world. We were interrupted continuously by Konkrete Kock who had a record length announcement session in some other part of the circle, punctuated by loud d-d songs from the MM which seemed to use different words. What Pisspot indeed! The conversation was made even more difficult when F-Eddy kept falling arse over tit for some strange reason. He was surprised to find much kreeping Batavianism in the JH3 circle. Since when has the HM monopolised the middle? Didn’t we use to have an RA for that? And when did JH3 start holding run discussions, a la BH4? In the good old days, it was a case of "Shit", said the king, and straightway a 1000 arseholes strained in unison. Now, "Good run", said our Queen, after seeking dubious opinions. Consensus is a dirty word in hashing. Next week we’ll probably find "charges" have been introduced. "Not yet", I informed him, "try asking for permission, or do what I do and just yell out loudly". After all , the meek and mild RA is unlikely to do much about it. Why, Gobble-ockuM doesn’t even like using ice. And Fanny, well he’s a bit like a sheep in sheep’s clothing. Admittedly Lewis does get moved occasionally, but tonight he was about as active as a Pickfords truck in a traffic jam.

The hares acknowledged a hashers inability to learn or anticipate words by handing out "Leeky’s Xmas Carol book". We were treated to a sampler couple of songs before Leeky mysteriously disappeared. Was it those little red spots already? Or a Quickie fever? The other hares half manfully tried to carry on.

It’s a great song, unfortunately the remaining hares didn’t have a tuneful voice between them. But no worries Ad the Loo was in Xmas mode and sang those Yuletide favourites - "A Engineer told me, Loopy etc". Eventually he saw the light and had a go at "the 12 days of Quickie-mas", loosely translated by several hashers as ramadhan. Witless (who also cannot carry a tune) offered his own, "Silent Hash" and led the circle in "Whilst we’re in 5+1 last night" from the Leeky song sheet. There was also, best forgotten Rudolf’s lament, from Inspector G and KonkK. -

Jokes, non original abounded. RA gave us his f-f-f-freezing b-baby p-polar bear joke, nicely acted out by a f-f-frozen bum B-1-o. Herpes explained how many drinks it took to get the taste out of his mouth after his first 69. And since it is, or near someone’s birthday, all the JC look-alikes, and the Herb collection (Lavender and Basil) got a celebratory d-d before the hymn.

Many thanks to BASF for the portrait of a chubby Herb attached to a T shirt.

At Pondok Mawar, Jl. Ampera Raya. Good food for the dozen attendees. Stray semi bachelors may have checked the effects of Anker droop in the (not so) Hard Kock Kafe. See our Laporan Khusus next week.

Dear Scribe, Please pass my best wishes for Xmas and the New Year to all hashers in Jakarta. Lang may your lum reek. The Penguin. Ps It’s snowing outside right now.