Run 1577. 12 April at Cibitung Hares: Yoshi, KK, Botaksan.

Stats: : Members 32, plus 6 visitors/new members = Total 38.

Lucky hashers tonight read their Jakarta Post and exited the Cikempek toll at km2, presumably joining Colonel Blood there. Sure, it's a built up area, but could hardly be worse country than that further along. And the toll has lights.

At Km 24 there were factories, a winding canal, mud, a toll road, with a vast industrial estate on the other side. There was no added attraction at Km25. Obviously I have misunderstood the purpose of hashing. I always thought a group of hashers ran around together for about an hour, enjoying pretty countryside, and calling out from time to time to help keep together as a group, and returning within daylight for some refreshment after honest exercise. No, no. A newcomer explained to me that he understood it all perfectly after observing things this evening. Hares go out with precisely 10 strands of paper which they strategically locate at intervals of 1 km. The hounds chase out afterwards, scattering in all directions in an attempt to find one of these bits of paper. It is important to collect at least 20 kgs of mud and shiggy on the shoes to slow down your pace. This can be removed by taking a swim in a kali, at least three times. It is recommended procedure to run through a pile of pigshit. Toll roads can be safely crossed by burrowing under them. After dark, there should not be anyone else in sight. Wander aimlessly until you find a motorbike, throw off any passengers, and commandeer it for a drive around West Java, where locals, who are really into this sport, will direct you to places where no-one has seen any other bules, or runners, or cars, or beer truck in a least a decade. "Above all," he said, "enjoy it."

Lacking the usual suspects, Botaksan got the circle underway at 6.30 for a limited number of hashers; he estimated there were still 15 out there at 6.45. The HM had probably been nowhere near any run at all, but deigned to show up just before 7.00. Tarzan, who had started it all off, was still out there too, and some runners, still on foot kept arriving. Mobile was sung, and RA transformed into an MM and sang Good Ship Venus. There were the usual moronic dd's connected with scores for other groups of little boys, chasing balls of various shapes and sizes.

At 6.52 the Grand Parade started with Witless Wanker and Surya on a motorbike, and other lost souls rode back to the circle one by one. B-!-O showed his usual concern for his visitors by abandoning them to their own devices. They joined the parade at 7.10, long , long before he returned.

Botaksan found himself on ice when the new members were called in for a drink. He hadn't noticed that Linda was missing the appropriate member. Ex new member Tom Heartbreaker received his 10 run shirt, and in return he either sang or told a joke.

Kermit also found ice for incurring the HM's displeasure. No wonder he can't turn up at the circle on time. Big Ben ceased to function after Kermit had poured beer into the works. Strange, since I've found my watch works quite well after Bintang immersion. However Kermit also ceased to function after some nasty person (surely not the scribe) dunked him with non holy water.

Philthy finally earned his 300 run shirt after running with JH3 since 1978. He regaled us with a "birth control" song. Which led to a first this year - a song from the (real) MM, Mudguard, who carefully read the words to the "Engineers Song."

Before starting the discussion, hashers faced random directions to call on-in for sundry late-comers, or specifically Tajima and Itchy Kock, since we didn't care about the other lost boy.

Despite the fact that there had been no hash run, there were prolific comments on the subject. Mudguard, who started late, went nowhere near rivers, but cut across the motorway bridge into the Industrial Estate, had a f---ing good run. Superbrat may have followed some of it, but nevertheless had a f---ing excellent run. Philthy endured a Japanese death march, and called for hashit, as did Angie who claimed to have caught a hare laying paper; it must have been the 11th strand. Tarzan too called for a hashit, for no apparent reason. At this point during the charade, 7.43, Tajima and B-1-on materialised. Tajima apologised for returning late, but explained he had to queue for the ferry, and it was a good run. B-1-on did not concur. The Rope produced a can of paint, found early on, which presumably gave mitigating circumstances for lack of any arrows or checks. Herpes had trotted along the toll road to a bridge, done a U-turn and returned, way before 6.00pm, and gained a dd for a competitive No.1. As Itchy Cock finally motored in at 7.49, it was time to close the discussion. And the current hashit holder (HM) said............. Well who gives a suck. The hares were iced. Tarzan thanked them for their Greater Prosperity Hash. There was no cleansing ceremony by the RA. Hence it must have been A sHIT OF A RUN.

The hash had a silent period for the Duke, ex-HM Ron Doyle, who died from a heart attack last week. On-On.

Before the final hymn, KK snuck in a quick hares song, something like Tora,Tora,Tora. It was not voted Song of the Year.

Good food on site, thanks to Nipples. Congratulations Yoshi on 55 years of losing your way. Let him eat cake. And thanks for the give-away mugs.

The trusty mismanagement had it's last formal meeting & decided the annual Oscar's awards. Yoshi did not get run of the year for this run, but Konkrete Kock was voted "Most Promising Newcomer." A ballet was held so secretly that HM has probably lost the envelopes containing the votes. They'll be opened on the Erection run, when he's promised to dress as Whoopie Goldberg. But a straw poll revealed that Maandi was the popular choice for next years' HM. Why did no-one vote for Dripper?

WW 14/4/99