Run 1579. 26 April at Bumi Eraska, off Jl.Alternatif Hares: Fanny, Mudguard. ANZAC Day.

Stats: : Members 34, plus 4 visitors/new/past it members = Total 38.

 Yes, this was run 1579. Anyone who noticed the discrepancy in run numbers can blame BOLT-1-ON who asked HOLY JOOP to write up run 1576, which climbed some hill in the fog at a weekend, forgot to tell Hash Cash, or the HM, and the account, surprise, surprise, has not appeared in the hash sheet. Do Pussy runs get a JH3 number?

No, the hare wasn't talking about his 3rd day after Viagra, but about the run. It never ceases to amaze me how hares can overestimate the capabilities of hashers. It started well, on the same trail that Fanny had his previous disaster from this site and meandered through kampong above the housing estate infested valley. Konkrete Kock had ignored the umbrella and leapt racing from his car to lead the pack at the bridge out of the valley. A seemingly backward check left the frb's hesitating on the right, failing to pick up paper quickly, the sensible going straight to the obvious road and rejoining paper after about a km. Front runner Skinhead did a nifty side slip (he practises cuntry dancing) as Leeky Dick tried to overtake which left Leekie sprawled arse over tit in the path. New front runners Sheepskin and Witless pressed boldly on. To no-ones surprise, especially since one of the hares had leaked info, it went straightish for the river, where a checkback allowed Sadist and Botaksan into the lead. After crossing ( a new bridge) the usual crowd of frb's reappeared and disappeared rapidly onto loops the far side. The Wise, either had not crossed the river, and headed upstream to the road bridge, or had crossed yet made bee-line for the bridge. The paper did not cross back there. So what, the road led home anyway, and Wise hashers were back as it got dark just after 6.00pm. The next "loop too far" led the frb gang back in well after dark.

Sadist excused his early arrival back as, "Maybe it was too dark to see the trail," echoed by Angie, "In this light you just can't see it." Maybe he was trying to take a piss. The lack of horning after 10 minutes was due to the HM's solo big leftie. Tarzan didn't seem to have his squeaker, but was nowhere near any paper, although he claimed to have run on Pigeon Shit. The mind refuses to boggle. Just for a change, Itchy Kock came in late, this week at 7.30 (during announcements) with new member Otami.

HM started the circle looking very horny, welcomed us to run 1578 (see above) claiming the helmet was in honour of parting Danes. The Great Dane (RubHerTurd) however had already departed for cooler climes. Two substitute poodles were given dd's instead. The A team (mismanagement) got a drink to encourage their support, and the joints, Cain & Abel were given drinks for supporting the HM's absence. Actually neither of them is Able, but only one tells songs and sings jokes. Retarded old member Pigeon Shit was welcomed back, albeit showing the same tired old tits, and new member Daniel from Switzerland was welcomed to JH3. Elephant Man's claim for damages was rejected by the hash. Apparently he fell over in the shower last Monday and punctured a lung. It was seen that a surfeit of Anker was unlikely to produce such results; it was just that it took 3 hours for him to get the punchline of one of Cain's jokes causing him to fall over with mirth.

The RA was congratulated on the last post. He'd recovered from Adolf's 110th birthday last week to find he's got his own 60th next week. If he really dislikes you, then you probably got an invite to his party. Anyway, Sheepskin claimed that now he'd been fired as Lithuanian harbourmaster he'd got a new post. Or was it the last post again? Meanwhile, in darkest Borneo, Jungle Fucker had lost the hash camera, so it was pointless doing anything really spectacular and stupid since posterity would never get to see it. Angie had 2 golf tickets to give away, so Skinhead promptly grabbed 1 since he likes playing with himself. All he needs is a caddie. The RA doesn't often do anything very funny, and he didn't disappoint us again this week. Ilham was given a wig to wear, though I'm not sure why the winners of Gallipoli need to look like Rod Stewart. A quick burst of "Sailing" was nipped in the bud, and we got a story about a Turkish TV show. All good clean family fun apparently. Fortunately the RA had to leave early for an evening mail run so that was it. He handed over the virtual baton to Abel, who at some point rattled on about kamikaze hashers but no-one took any notice, especially the scribe.

You can always rely upon SIMM (stand in Master of Music) to do something different, and even Bloodworthy occasionally does that. In honour of Stevie Wonder he sung, "Too much wanking makes you blind." Later we got "The QM's stores" and "You'll never get to heaven." However, old fart Pigeon shit was not to be denied and he sang a Marine Hymn to us. Since the Aussies had something to do with the occasion, (ANZAC) the Kiwis kept quiet, and the hares produced a medley of all Aussie songs ever written, both of 'em.

Lots of awards and clean shirts curtsey of RA GoWimpGo. Itchy Kock got a 50 lun shirt and sang the entire soundtrack to "Gone with the Wind." Simply Fred gave his 50 run joke about the turd gay rooster in the hen-house this month (e-mail me if you don't know it). Elephant Man made a big play to be next years MM with his 150 run song, "Is Everybody Yarpi." You bet your life we are. But the star of the evening was undoubtedly YOSHI who celebrated 700 runs by singing in Welsh, translated by KK into Slavonic. Yoshi received the order of the iced bucket for his efforts from his gleeful mates.

Asked for opinions of the run, there was a plethora of calls for a hash shit, but his highness doesn't like to strain his arse too often and the verdict of "Fucking Good Run" was given. Not everyone of course, was negative about it, run's are always so much better when the HM heads off in the counter direction. Skinhead waxed eloquently about the views of the river, and Colonel Blood found it "long and hard," which is the way he likes them. Yoshi had praise indeed, "I almost lost my way," but other Nips (Itchy & friend) found it discriminatory as they went astray far upstream through Kota Wisata to the Saga Restaurant and found neither paper nor beer there. Ilham had no problem with the river, since it was too dark to see it, first he lost the paper, then he lost his way, then he lost his mind. If anyone finds it, please return......

The ON-ON was just as it's supposed to be, a good little warung, just round the corner from the site. Called Bilqis, we found it easily when told it used to be Ali Baba 1. And the hares found the other perfect way to get lots of attendees; they sponsored the food. And good it was too. Thanks to the sponsor: Hutabarat etc. - purveyors of legal advice (I lost the card Fanny, honest).

WW 29/4/99