Run 1580. 10 May, p-p Puri Cinere to ISCI Hares: Tom Jones, Lieut. Blood., Rudy H.

Stats: : Members 40, plus 6 visitors/new/past it members, plus 15 stray cats = Total 61.

Here beginneth the final epistle of Witless the scribe to the heathen. The family motto is, "Why waste time being difficult, when with only a little extra effort, you can be completely impossible." This is also the last sheet in English, the new scribes write in Welch, Scotch and Wally (a variety of Belgian, as spoken by the only famous Belgian, Russell S. Prouts).

A motley mixed crew gathered at Cinere where Tom Jones explained there'd be two runs, L & M, with a bus for the Medium group to start half way round the run as a head start. Naturally many regular Jakarta hashers headed for the M for men's bus, whilst lanky Ladies strode off on L paper. A few years ago it was still possible to run a remnants of country in several directions from ISCI, now the hares were pushed to find a few hundred metres, even 4 kms away, that were not built upon. Not that anyone really expected TJ and Lt.B to push very hard. And they didn't. But the trail did lead to ISCI without losing it too often, expect for the likes of Pretty Boy and Suxit who insisted upon losing it, and some of the L's overtook some of the M's and vice versa.

To no-ones real surprise there was a year book issued. After all Herb's huffing and puffing, how could it be otherwise. Please phone him to say how wonderful it is, his ego is very fragile and needs massaging. Don't bother thanking Angie, according to B-1-o he did sod all except delay publication to cringing point, but if there's not enough photos of yourself, whinge to Angie, who as next year's RA will ensure you raise your profile or lower your arse. Future editors might note that the ladies book (calendar) is much better dunny reading; at least the pages are perforated, but neither stiff card from the pussies, nor the shiny paper from this years JH3 encourages proper recycling.

LAST NIGHT OF THE PROMS - or Last Night of the Ponce.

Just in case you hadn't realised by now Konkrete Kock is a power freak. The committee received engraved programs saying precisely what they'd all do, and so they spontaneously did their respective items on cue. Except for the RA, GeobbelsM, making one last desperate attempt to prove he's not a complete wimp, who broke ranks, threatened to disrupt the script, suggested, "Drown the Bastard," even before item 4 (of 15).

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENTS - and on and on and on

By 6.58 most people had counted their pictures, and noted which pages would soon get sticky and were ready for a circle. No.7 from some third rate English soccer club appeared, ready to foul all-comers. He tried for an own goal inviting in unmentionables, forgetting they are pussies on a Monday. Poor Incider was so confused, "I no longer know what I am." So much for Suxit's prowess. Anyway we were honoured by the presence of the Hash Mistress, and TGIF Grand Lady. The HM seemingly forgot to invite the GM of BH4. Blue Streak also excited some yawns. Another special guest was No.7's missus, Ginger, but she looked far too spicy, and we realised it was actually Tina Turner. Itchy Kock clearly thought he too was a special guest. At 7.30 he's normally still out running, but tonight appeared in business suit and was promptly iced. Senile returners included Pigeon Shit and John Atherton.

Hashman achieved 400 runs, and tried to get away with flexing his pectorals which are bigger than Blue Streak's. But a call for a song got a joke out of him. Item 5 was definitely a joke. 5).Ice. Bio, GoBlokM and Holy Joop all found their way there. Strange how some people behave like wholly arseholes when they get bucketed. DON'T WASTE THE PISS. 6) Song. Mudguard drove into "I've got the clap," with gusto. 7)RA=Fanny. He was onto a lost cause seeking out horny losers. How many horns have we lost this year? Shame on you Kermit. 8) Run Discussion lead to platitudes about good runs, duck disease and stuff, which means we'll probably have to suffer another ISCI run next year. 9) Sponsor. Thanks Anker, for allowing us to spend our discount on advertising material......!10) yawn..yawn... chatter, chatter... think the hare is singing... if it had been Tom Jones I'd have paid attention. 11) RA=Goebb.....snore, snore....not even worth baiting him...

BB, who's never been to Oscar's acted as MC (main cunt) for the 28th AGM awards. The menu said "Beatles." As the circle muttered, "we aint getting no satisfaction," 2 aged perverts staggered in. Was it the Stones, could be a dead ringer for John Lenin, with Eugene McCarthy, or maybe it was just Liberace and Elton John. Anyway, whoever they were, they sang a couple of songs made famous worldwide by Leeky Dick, who appeared to be absent. Could be we're still a singing hash, someone remembered the words to, "Dody, you can drive car."

Dame Edna, accompanied by Danny La Rue entered the circle (the HM had previously promised Whoopie) to introduce the wankers awards for the year. Did you notice - no piles of committee mugs this year! HM promised to issue committee shirts instead, but On-Sex hasn't produced minutes of the last meeting yet, and yep, HM, forgot. So, the awardees were called in and secret envelopes opened.

Lickaclit had a nomination in every category - even introducing newcomer Lick a Kid. His Yorkshire day run was a runner up for ROY, as well as his real ROY. "Wankers in the night" ran closely behind Euan Ross's "Aunty Lizzies current bun" in the SOY section, and his Hitler birthday run was one of 3 hashits.

ROY - Run of the year - Lick a Clit and Browneye, 100 years. Anyone who was listening found out who were the other contenders.

HOY - Hashit of the year - Sheepskin and Konkrete Kock - raging river run. Sorry MGM, we know you enjoy a good shit, but the year book editors hated to credit the HM with doing something right.

SOY - Song of the year - Magic Dragon - "My, My, My, Viagra." Angie really loved his own masterwork, Vindaloo, and so put that in the yearbook, before the wise men of the committee decided otherwise. Next time Angie, get Elephant Man to sing it, his song, which he's fortunately forgotten, "Little Brown Haw," is destined to be a Hash classic.

MPN - Most promising newcomer - Crusty Nuts. More new songs in 3 months, than Ad the Loo found in 15 years.

MCH - Most consistent hound - Tarzan. Does no-one want transmigrating anymore?

End of Act 1, swimming lesson for ex HM, more serious hashers made for the food, or checked for pages to get sticky.

BAA BAA BLACK SHEEP HAVE YOU ANY KIN - or silence of the lambs

The new HM, fortunately is not a man of many words. Maybe we'll restore token announcements and get on with singing and joking and RA baiting this year. He got two of those words spot on, "Social Drinking."