THIS WEEK Real Heroes Run - Sheepskin [hare], Witless Wanker [co-hare] - at Cimanggis.

Stats - Members 37, past members [Stuart Horner] 1. Total 38.

It was a balmy tropical afternoon, it hadn’t rained, rivers were low and it was hard under foot. There was no question over which running shoes should be selected for the conditions. A poor turn out of thirty-eight stalwart hashers set off 5.01, from one of our more popular sites off the Jagarowi Tol, at Cimanggis. Most assumed that the run would eventually meander by the river and golf course, and so it seemed, until just after a few hundred yards the trail took a vicious left turn and we were off in the opposite direction. At this point someone had mistakenly informed Vatican Rag [one of our Twilight Hashers] that we were going to the river and his subsequent count of VR I/30, must have been one of the lowest of all time [Peeved he left before the circle started]. After crossing the Jalan Tikus we strode through Kampung and eventually out into the sinkong and sawah, through flat bits and hilly bits, over bridges and through streams. The natives were friendly, the countryside and the checks were generally good, although there were a couple of checks- that even I didn’t fall for. The only negative aspect of the run was the drone of traffic, due to the fact that the Tol road ran straight through the middle of it!

 Since my elevation to the mismanagement I have a new found confidence in my running, probably relating to the support from so many hashers and beating off such strong competition for the post. My run time of 1hr. 4mins 30 secs, only 4 mins slower than BB, shows what confidence can do for a man. Of those who ran, most if not all, of the runners [as distinct from short cutters and saunterers] appeared to arrive before 6.20, with good old Col. Bloodclot tired, but cheerfully, coming in at the tail [again]. Col. could perhaps take a tip from my golf coach, keep your head down and your eyes on ball, or in this case the paper. [I know you keep telling your girlfriend to keep her head down Col., but that’s entirely different.]

A note from the committee The committee, at this time, would like to totally disassociate itself from so called jokes about mixed race golfers. Botaksan’s comment that a certain Tiger Woods ‘obtained his name from the fact that he had a Thai mother and a nigger father,’ was, we feel, totally inappropriate. The committee though would like to apologize to KK, on behalf of the year book editors, who inferred that his wife is a dog [ breed unspecified].

 THE CIRCLE

The circle started on time, there appeared to be some confusion over who was in charge Sheepskin or his understudy Superbrat, but no problem and the announcements were over by 6.43. At this stage I wasn’t feeling well after trying to emulate other committee members by smoking a cigar. Having to listen [again] to Jonesie’s joke about drinking the contents of a spittoon didn’t help.

 The early finish, to the announcements, seemed to take some of the new committee members off guard. Col. [where did he those shorts from] Bloodbath was out of tune and forgot the words to his song about the Japanese love of Wales – Cwm Honda [according to Greenpeace it hat should have been love of Whales ].

During the festivities there were DDs for the committee, and returners Paul Hughes, Magic Dragon, KK and Dingo Dick: Goblok-M got ice for being 60 and wearing leiderhosen: MGM was called in for wearing an ABRI shirt: as usual the Scots bitched about something: there was discussion about the missing horn: Tarzan started campaigning early for the big job: comments were privately made that Bolt-1-On was looking much older, than 62, since he started taking two Viagra a day: Tarzan crossed Bolt-1-On off his Idul Fitri card list; the booze seemed to finish early: Pretty Boy complained about standing on snakes; Pidgeon Shit sung a song that involved at lot of blood and we received an excellent rendition of the song of the year by Magic Dragon.

Witless and Sheepskin, the hares, were disappointed it was declared a good run after a series of innocuous comments. Even, that well known Pseudoscot Angie, thought it was good. Between them they sung two songs which probably sounded OK, from Bandung. The first was similar to ‘If you go down to woods today,’ some of the memorable lyrics included dislicked dick, leeked dick, dick dripped and licked dick. The second song provided new words for that much loved favorite ‘Bum Titi Bum Titi eh!’

Have you even noticed how a different job can change someone’s personality. Do remember Mr. Nice Guy, Herpes, when he was the shopkeeper, in charge of Hash Trash. Well it’s has all changed, since he is RA, and its now No Longer Mr Nice Guy [call me Slobidan] Herpes. A monster has been delivered to us, a vicious, power seeking, megalomaniac with intent on having the reputation for giving more down downs than any other RA in the history of JHHH. A new order has been established, a new terrifying discipline – so beware!!

Kevin Simens, was honoured with a 100 run shirt. Kevvy is a regular [and one of very few remaining septics], who is seriously pissed off that he rarely gets called in for a down-down. As a classic American his average day involves getting up a 5.00, watching cartoons for half an our, sacking one driver and hiring a new one, getting into the office by 6.15, playing solitaire till his boss get in, eating a Big Mac for lunch, filling in his IRS forms in the afternoon, home by 3.30 and in bed by 6.00 to dream about the CNN weather girl. He regularly Medivacs to Singapore to get his to nails clipped.. Unlike other septics his most exotic experience in Indonesian was not a visit to Pondok Indah Mall. He does NOT know where Block M is, and especially the 6^th floor, but would like to find out! Anycase we just remembered that he didn’t have a hash name, and after intense debate it was concluded that we wait until next week [or the week after], to name him. So it was decided, his new name - NEXT WEEK.. There was a serious attempt to reintroduce the Prick of the Week award and of course there was one outstanding candidate and winner - HERPES. Angie contributed his own wooden phallus for the award.

Seafood 99. Sorry but yours truly didn’t make it.

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