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HASHSHIT HOLDERS - Boltoneon - Mudguard

DISCLAIMER: This is a Hash Sheet.

It may contain material which you may find dull or offensive....or just plain pathetic.

Pending the outcome of the Law suit arising from last weeks sheet (Farter versus Grope),all names have been changed to protect the innocent. None of this actually happened. Pure fiction. A vague drunken memory........

Due to photocopier breakdown, Page 45 of this report may be illegible.(Hash Cash report). Hard copies can be purchased from Angry at the footbridge over Sudirman Branch of The Price is Right Baligate Snoopers office.

It contains many interesting names.

Click here to enter this Run Site, you arseholes..............................

RUN VERDICT; Excellent run , Ladies. Judging by the absence of Hash Shits on our newly refurbished board, one can only assume that our new, non-offensive hash, has resorted to Pussy voting.........

Misquote of the night from the Grope, before he fucked off to reccee the Klub for next weeks run with his fat pal Hard Dog: " This is a thin circle tonight" He wasn't referring to the bit between his mouth and his toes.

Anyway, it was a bit lean, and as Major Bloodstain burbled later......we're all fucking pissed! We adopted Batavia drinking techniques for the night with the few old timers still remaining in Jakarta slurping the piss like it was free or something......

BEFORE WE GOT PISSED:

Front runners in in 55 mins.

D.Ripper thought it was long compared to his first runs as a boy. Stupid fucking comment, but as it is one of the few I can read from my beer stained notes, it will be included as a "filler" 'til I can decipher something more interesting to write about...er?

............so now on to the REALLY INTERESTING comments.....................

Elephant Gland, and most others, claimed it was short.....probably they thought they were being asked about Koncrete Klot's dick. Talking of which, that’s what the funny paint signs on the run were supposed to be....Pricks! Angry thought they were Aliens. Arsehole!

Englebert Humperdink was much relieved that the "deep as Holy Droop river crossing" with which he was maliciously taunted by the horrid hares before the run never materialised. Poor little Turkish fucker ran the whole thing in a state of quivering trauma in anticipation of being drowned.

Great scenery, loops and twists and other good stuff except for pathetic checks which Witless Platethrower, Flab-Eye, Kiwikin,

GoTanamur, Blind Tragic Dragon of "cunts" fame, and other SCBs had no problem stumbling through and consequently came in with the rest of the pack. For one gleeful moment, we thought we had lost them beneath a nice steep cliff by the river after they ran through at least 2 checkbacks. No such luck. Bastards found us again and again.

Most of the pack passed Wheezing Blind Tragic at least 11 times.

He paid for his shrewd athleticism with lots of cruel eyesight jokes later.

Leaky Prick, sheepishly appeared having returned to the wrong concrete bridge before fucking off early. Welsh arsehole!

Speaking of which, so did Herb (Witless Smacker) Billlabong (Bring the glass back next week, Herb) with his ever modest henchman, Holy Droop. Does the 5+1 have a 2 for 1 happy hour before 7pm or something? Perhaps Droop could explain this when he re- writes his version of this run?

Pretty Bald Boy spent most of the run discussion trying to work out why he is always late.....they don't teach Irish arseholes about big hands and little hands I guess......Anyway, he found his way to the front of our stampeding athletic herd and claimed he called at least once!!!!!HMMMM???? Talking of stampeding, Bambang the Who? is getting far too athletic these days.....caught him speeding along at the front discussing golf handicaps with his pal Fit arsehole!

Linda's husband was confused. It wasn't a point to point and he couldn't work out why he crossed the river twice. We couldn't work out why he came back before Swing Low.........Anyway, according to Platethrower, Linda is offering sex on Saturday at 4pm..(same as every Saturday?)...Anyway,

SEX HASH next week at her place.

Mr Speaking spoke of being happy that there were no Satpam problems this week at apparently what has been a sensitive site on previous runs. Two grateful chaps in uniform were later given Coke DDs for their kindness in granting us permission to fatten their wallets.

Actually, not a bad run at all, Ladies.

HASH TRASH REPORT.

Giraffe Man sold fuck all. Arsehole!

However, the evening was not a total disaster for him as he managed to reclaim an outstanding Rp 30,000 debt which has been gathering interest for some time in the Bank Lombok account of our gangly Blind Demographer. It almost came to blows, but the Hash got its cash!

THE DRUNKEN CIRCLE.

Now it all begins to get a bit vague.

In no particular order:

Something about it being Konky's auntie's penultimate run before he fucks off to Rio.(hopefully not on a supersonic 767) No doubt there is a hash there.....Ronnie Biggs did a runner after all (GROAN!). Bon voyage Konky !

Lots of pathetic non -jokes about rugby and stuff. KiwiKin and Mandy Pandy bleated excuses about their lack of prowess in the rugby and it seems "sour grapes' are now the national fruit of NZ.

Talking of sour grapes, where was our other notable Kiwi runner tonight? It was his 779th run . Did he pay? Did he run?

Anyway, he didn't stay for the circle to hear last week's sheet being voted "SHEET OF THE YEAR!"

Much drunken irreverence followed. No one was spared.

We had rowdy skits on Blind Men, Queens of Aceh, Welsh Gits, Referenda, Queen Camilla, Plane crashes, Big handbags and flowery frocks and lots of other topical bad taste stuff.

Unfortunately, not one Aussie Queen was present for us to take the piss out of !

The Harriettes entertained us with some typical drag show thing involving a small condom.

Witless Platethrower got his 600 run Mug. Congrats WW!

KonKrete Kretin and Dr Ghurka got disgusting new model 350 run shirts which were vastly improved by the addition of Tanah Merah to make them look a bit like the old revered yellow versions. Dr Ghurka hadn't prepared a song under the silly new rule which obliges achievers to sing.....so he showed them his ring anyway.

Konkretin also got one of those precious silver 25 hare bottle things. The nasty allegations about it being full of little boys' semen are simply not true and we do not wish to hear any more on this utterly ridiculous

allegation. KonKunt is a completely normal DC/DC arsehole and his effeminate ways should no longer be the subject of our scorn nor revulsion. If he chooses to prance around like a perverted Banci poofter, we should learn to respect this.

Major Bloodstain and the hares gave us some excellent tunes....including a superlative number ....unfortunately not written by Jkt Hash, but nicked from the Internet......A Bohemian Rhapsody ditty.....Simply Superb! Almost good enough to have been written by our own Leaky Prick/KiwiKin/Konky Geniuses.

Anyway, from what I remember at about 8pm,, The following stalwarts were still having a jolly good drunken time......

Having irreverent digs at anything and everything....actually....mainly just giggling uncontrollably.

The dregs included:

Blind Tragic Dragon, Major Bloodstain, Konky,BaldSan,Go5+1,Dr Ghurka, The Witless Platethrower, KiwiKin, Koncrete Kunt, Angry (Price IS RightBaligateSnooper), D.Ripper, Mandy Pandi.......and probably a few others.

Excellent night thanks to you arseholes.

ANNOUNCEMENT: Still about 5 places left on the Jungle run in Sulawesi. 25-29 Nov.

Contact Ghodeline Grogan URGENTLY Tel 75901525 or email grogan@jakarta.wasantara.net.id.

STATS: Members 34 plus something referred to as a "Q" ...I guess this could refer to Kuncrete Kunt.......Anyway total 35.

Good country overall     +10

Using Tarmac roads in such good country  -11

For not getting a hash shit in terrain used disastrously for Jacqus DeSlurred last hare washout run  +2

For putting a smile in the Satpams' wallets  +4

For getting Linda's husband back in under 2 hours -12

For pathetic fireworks which only maginally threatened to burn us once  -8

For 60 beers each @ only Rp 500 a glass.....great value!     +22

For chronic poofter behaviour   -1

Lack of trash sales (net loss for the night if Billabong doesnt bring the glass back)-4

For not drowning Englebert   +-0

For scaring the shit out of the poor little fucker -12

TOTAL -10 (excellent run)

On On was at Mr Juicy,s Now known as Rasa Sayang on the Jag Tol. About 8 drunks went.

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