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Location: Hambalang Cafe to Palm Hill Golf Course - the long way

Hares - KK, Yoshi, Itchy Cock (with support from Botak - san)

Occasion - Tora Tora Tora - Another Pearl Harbour Death March (or so I am advised)

Guest Scribe - Jonathan (but I've only done 3 runs!) Gordon

Hash Shit ? ............Ah So!

Our Japanese Kamakaze colleagues obviously have a sadistic streak if the course they set on Monday night is anything to go by. Not only was the starting point so high that it left our athletic bunch of beer belly hashers gasping before they started ... "F... it, this is higher than mount Fuji" .... but the route itself was so long, steep and slippery that it reduced the usually vocal hashers to the occasional grunt .."whose got my f....... oxygen mask". After a tortuous 85 minutes the first of our intrepid, bruised, muddied journeymen appeared out of the gloom at base camp to be greeted by our 4 Japo hares, Yoshi, Botakson, KK and Postponed. The hares were not a pretty sight bedecked in silk Komonos, head scarves and interesting wooden things on their feet ( were they extras from the "Seven Samurai" film?) - and some poor excuse for food in their proffering hands.

The circle started with the grand total of 5 hashers - the Joint (substituting for the absent Hash Master), the MM, the RA, the reserve MM ( who was bleating that he had to go), and me. We need a scribe says the Joint - and there is no-one else - you're it. And so it came to pass - I trust the tone is appropriate. Over the next hour stragglers continued to appear - a few on foot whilst the more industrious such as Witless had sold their bodies to the local militia men for a "ride" back to camp.... Witless appeared to be somewhat pained by the experience as he limped pitifully into the circle. The Japo hares meantime were startled by the headlights of the security vehicles ... and they were unable to run away from the abuse that was to befall them ....."call that a f....... hash.........." etc etc. One hare was heard to whimper between slurps of Sake " we wewy wewy sowwy for Pearl Harbour, for e'wthing ... we no do again".

When the proceedings began, Yoshi was christened an honourary welshman ... Yoshi took this very well... presumably because he couldn't understand a word of what Taffy (read Bloodnock - ed) was saying. Could any body? Achievers shirts were presented to Mudguard and Botak-san only after they (the shirts that is - is the RA a wimp?) had been suitably chilled on ice. There then followed a woeful Aussie attempt at singing which rightly ended up by being "drowned" out by beer.

There was a solemn moment as the gang sang "leaving Jakarta" to Yard Dog. This old veteran of the Crimea War bravely kept a stiff upper lip whilst everyone cheered the passing of three pints of beer and a bowl of Saki as Yard Dog, in true doggie fashion, cocked his leg on a nearby tree. Befitting an old fart, he is pissing off to the ancient Roman town of Corstopitum where he shall proceed to pickle himself down at the local pub, with occasional sojourns to the Lord Wellington at Riding Mill (not Rising Sun - that's about another 30 miles further on!).

The finale was reserved for the the hares of the Rising Sun. When the hashers were asked for comments, no quarter was given as they mercilessly tore into our four poor hares and ultimately concluded this was a gold plated "hash shit" the likes of which had not been seen since Jagorawi a year ago. Yoshi, Botak - san, KK and Postponed then serenaded us with a truly appalling excuse for a song after which they were rightly subjected to the Japanese Water Torture ie put on ice. At this stage the proceedings seemed to drag on .. at least for the hares... who fidgeted on piles of discomfort whilst the sadistic hashers dragged out the torture of our inscrutable friends as long as possible. All in all a hash shit. Amen

Hash Stats Total Runners - 30 Returners - 11 (Postponed, Herpes, Itchy - Cock, Vibrator, Maaandi, KK, MGM, Botak - san, Dingo Dick, Pretty Boy, Mudguard) New Members - 1 (me) Visitors - 2

Achievers - 350 run shirt for MudGuard, and 150 run shirt for Botak - san Leavers - Yard Dog - he finally reached the fur after 69 runs

Sponsors - The Hares (Long shorts, Cold Japo food, and passably warm Sake)

Announcements: The party - celebrating the start of the ultimate year of the millenium - contact Holy Joop to advise if you are attending. Tickets available next week. Post Christmas work off the Turkey & Plum Pudding run - Monday, 27 December. All Hashers from wherever welcomed to a traditional Jakarta Hash. Please bring your friends - we will need the numbers.

Post Y2K recovery from the holocaust run - Monday, 3 January. Bring your radiation protection suits to protect yourself from nuclear fall out, batteries to power the generator, and a few aspirins to recover from the previous weekend's activities .... and to celebrate the start of the ultimate year of the second millenium (I subscribe to the excuse that we can have a big party this year to practice for the real event next year).

Hares needed - 10 January immediately post Lebaran. If no volunteers then Fanny, Elephant Man, and Angie will have to do it against their better judgement.

Year Book - Fanny is gratefully acepting advertisements. Bolt One On is doing his own thing with pictures of himself with little (strikethrough: boys) .. girls, so if you do not want the pictorialised version of how not to handle Viagra pills, contribute a few articles on any trivial thing you like.

Hash Sprash - currently scheduled for some time in April - volunteers for organisation, artistic talent etc etc required asap. Contact Sheep's Kin Weekend runs - organisation is creeping along - watch this space.

Next Week's Run (I hope you have read this far) (Yet again) Hambalang Cafe - but for the first time in a month this is NOT a point to point.

The hares advise that the problem's with the owner's missus have been fixed (for a parking fee of Rp 10,000 per vehicle, above 15 cars), and that the quality of the food has improved 1,000 per cent from the crap we were served the last time we were there. The hares have guaranteed 30 staying for dinner, so you better turn up, and you better stay to eat.

Directions for the uninitiated - get yourselves onto the Jagorawi tollroad heading south towards Bogor. Continue south until the Sirkuit Sentul exit is reached (the one where Mick Doohan eats the local Hondas for breakfast) - leave the toll road. After the toll gate, turn immediate left, progress 50 meters, then turn right. Continue approx 1km until you reach the Padang restaurant on the left, and turn left immediately after. Follow the road for approx 2 kms, passing the race track on your left, and the Palm Hill Golf Club on your right, and over the bridge across the river. Approx 300 meters afet the bridge, turn right through the security gate and continue along the road with the golf course on your right for approx 4 km following signs up the hill to the "Cafe". Park in the car park, and do not entertain any demands for Rp 10,000 in parking fees - the Hares have taken care of this.

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