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Hashshit Holder: Next Week, Elephant Man

The site was Citra Gran out on Jl. Alternatip and a stone’s throw from Ali Baba II and the river we have all grown to know and love. The hares, an appendage of an Australian wild dog, a senile Irishman (anybody named Pat must be Irish). And a last minute add-on, none other than Kevin "friggin" Desmond who decided that the call of the Hash, Oscars and several other establishments we will not mention were too much to keep him away.

The run was a long righty (for most of us at least) with a few scraggly remnants of chicken feed that had not been washed away by the all-day downpour. Fortunately, in their combined wisdom (an IQ of somewhere around 36) they had painted clear arrows on every puddle they could find. So, no problem at all. It was down from the start to the obvious bridge and back up the bank to a devious check-back that had the front runners heading back down toward the river. This didn’t fool most however, who had enough sense to keep to the high ground and head upriver toward the well known Bridge of the Ladies of the Night (and day for that matter). This was the obvious goal for the short-cutters (the likes of Go Blok M and Sheep’s Kin) but the real run swung out in a big right hand loop to the next bridge up the river. Even better, the hares succeeded in suckering a few into a lefty including none other than our own Vatican Rag who arrived back on the out trail in the fading light a bit after 6:00.

For those who found the right direction the run was fairly straightforward. The short-cutters (who took the first bridge) ambled back in on the hour with the front runners swinging back in about 10 minutes later. The only complaint heard was about a late check-back on the in-trail where the trail came up from the first bridge. The hare’s excuse was that this was designed to trick Witless Wanker who they knew would be short-cutting.

Fortunately the continuous drizzle that had characterized the run had abated by 6:30 which saved the stand-in RA (Go Blok M) a quick trip on the ice. Elephant Man generated some weak excuse for not scribing which led to another stand-in in that capacity as well. YWHMH was in good form – awarding some early down-downs for no good reason and moving the weekly drivel (read announcements) along at a reasonably rapid pace. The two items of note. The fee for the Pan Indo Hash (which will be held in Jakarta in August 17-20 – in case you haven’t been listening to Tarzan) is going up next week from Rp. 350,000 to Rp. 400,000. Tough luck for those who haven’t joined the 7000 hashers from Bandung in booking early. The second is that the Hash Thrash/Spree or whatever will now be held one week later and the site has been moved to Vladivostok due to concern with the plummeting value of the Rupiah. Actually, it will now be on May 20^th – still at the Aryaduta.

The run discussion was fairly mundane – apparently even with all the rain, mud and devious attempts by the Hares to create a fiasco, most actually enjoyed the run. Even Vatican Rag managed to create a fairly good rating – and he was miles off paper most of the time. The only problem was the difficulty of reconciling praise with the well-established quality of the Hares. Many felt that "on principle" it should have been a Hashit or worse. But a good run it was and that was the final decision.

MM Bloodnock got the circle started with a rousing chorus of "In the Core." And with the requirement that every hasher get a verse about them (with no duplications). As expected, this was too much for some weak brains who stuck with the tried and true hashers whose names were easy to rhyme. We were also treated to a few inventive rounds of the "Wild West Show" and two original ditties from the Hares – also quite inventive although we are still trying to figure out the tunes. An example:

I knew a man who fucked his dog
On that day he became famous
Now when his wife asks for a shag
He sticks it up her anus

The dog meanwhile jumped on a cat
Said better than a fat cat
The fat cat sighed, the reason was
Cos ratty’s got a tight twat

The cat got upset about its twat
Sat upon the house gnat
Tried many ways to get it in
Gave up and had a quick shat

Now that’s the end of this sad tale
You’ve listened to this hubris
Which proves again, again, again
You’ll listen to any rubbish

And in case you haven’t had enough – the start of "An Ode to Dingo Dick"

When I was just a little boy
I asked my daddy what lies ahead
Will I be handsome, will I be bald
Here’s what my daddy said

You’re an ugly runt
Not likely to get much cunt
So better not start the hunt
Just become a monk

And so on……

So at least you can see that we do still have song of the year material coming in.

This was all interspersed with mindless rambling from our in-house storm trooper Go Blok M who dispersed down-downs and, for lack of anything better to do put two innocent hashers on the ice for the sole reason that they had never sat on the ice (on the Monday Hash) before. Other things undoubtedly happened, but because the stand-in scribe had no pencil or paper and was forced to do all of this from memory, it will go unrecorded.

The Circle finally ended a bit after 8:00 with (amazingly) a fair portion of the small initial attendance still present. Then it was On On On to the Top Gun for makan courtesy of the Hares. Many thanks for the free feed. This is better than a T-shirt of which we all have too many already.

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