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Hashshit Holder: Next Week, Elephant Man

Well obviously not as most runners were complimentary but, now I have got your attention, why does it take four Hares to lay what was really a very simple and fairly short run. We were spared a Japanese Death March due to the influence of those experienced shortcutters VR and TJ who had persuaded Yoshi and KK that a loop around Bogor was a bit extreme. The run started off rather poorly. The beer truck was located at the far end of Rancamaya with magnificent views across the valley and a clear view of Genung Salak. This site was probably chosen by KK as it reminded him of Fuji (the mountain, not the cameras). So the start was down a slippery slope through kampong and onto the railway line. A short loop left did not fool many Hashers who went straight out along the line. Then there was the bridge. This was not for the faint hearted. A 100 metre long bridge with nothing to run on except a couple of planks spanning the sleepers of the rail track. Whether the Hares had checked the train timetables or we were just lucky, it is hard to say, but it would have been interesting for any Hasher caught halfway across just as a train came round the corner!

The trail continued to be disappointing with a fair amount of kampong but then we were clear of the shitty bits and out into the country. The trail went left, some well known SCB’s, not to mention any names (WW and Herpes), went straight up a steep concrete path and after a short distance found paper across the track. The arrows showed us the right way was right. After a few hundred metres, there was this awful wailing sound and some lunatic shouting. Yes it was the RHHMH chasing after us to tell us that this was the in-trail and if we continued we would be home for 5.15. It was tempting but guilt prevailed and most of us ran the out trail. The first part was across a large area of Paddy with no checks but then this was the in-trail. At the end a small kampong and loss of paper for a while indicated another loop. A little further and the FRBs appeared hailing verbal abuse at those more astute than themselves. It was therefore poetic justice to see EM scrambling in the shiggy padi for his lost shoe. Why Nick Leeson had to follow him in was a mystery unless it was down to his laughing so much.

The run discussion was initiated by Dr. Jerker who had calculated that the Hares had spent Rp.51 million on Hash fees during their years of Hashing (If you don’t agree with the mathematics, take it up with Dr. Jerker, not me!). Holy Joop did not like the bridge at all, mind you in Holland they only have dykes, but he declared it Run of the Year. Herpes revealed that the HM had chased after him shouting "follow me, follow me" – why would that be? Bloodknock related the tale of EM and Nick Leeson falling in the sawah. Doug Stoltz got all nostalgic about he used to run in this area 10 years ago and he recognised those bits which had not been developed. Fortunately none of the local girls with 10 year old kids recognised him. Superbrat commented that it was a great run but why did the sponsored shirts have the Hares waistline measurements on them! Witless, that extreme shortcutter who arrived back at 5.15 having failed to hear the HM or as usual just totally ignoring him, lamented the fact that the Hares could not organise for trains to come across the bridge. Angie uncharacteristically brought up a whinge about the excess of cobbled roads despite VRs dislike of them. Rabeye with his usual wisdom (except for occasional images of alien craft) pointed out that had there been rain, the run would have been more difficult and slower and coming in across the bridge in the dark, a little more interesting.

The evening had been dry and despite lightning and thunder, the Circle started off in the dry except for the numerous DDs awarded by our RHHM for nearly everyone and for any reason. The first batch were dissenters namely Holy Joop, Herpes, Jonesy and Superbrat but what was the cause of their dissent remains a mystery. Yoshi got a DD for sponsoring the Pizza and the fourHares for their various achievements (see later). Returners and Visitors were rewarded, visitors including Wayne Kirby from Perth Hash and Bartacus from Bogor. All announcers got DDs (see earlier) but it was very unkind of Herpes to refer to EM as some part of the female anatomy for getting the date of the volcano run wrong in last week’s sheet – after all cunts are useful.

All the run commentators were rewarded and EM was brought in for falling in the rice field and losing his shoe. Luckily he did not have his Mothercare shorts on at the time or else we may well have been spared from seeing him in them at the circle line-up. About this time, the heavens opened and as if by magic, drivers appeared with umbrellas. The RA was suitably iced. A few minutes later the rain slowed and Herpes was taken of the ice. He had hardly finished his DD when the rain pelted down yet again. Why was he not iced again on asks?

The Hares were all achievers, well nearly, and shirts were presented to Yoshi for 750 runs, to Tom Jones for 800 runs and to Vatican Rag for 800 runs. However, it was revealed by VR (o his credit) that he had not quite achieved 800 runs. His shirt soon disappeared and it remains to be seen if it re-appears at the correct time. KK was rewarded for his 50 Hares with the usual pewter dildo in the shape of an Anker bottle. Songs were somewhat lacking and KK chose to tell a joke which VR translated about the similarity between Mount Fuji and a girls open legs. Maybe it got lost in the translation. Tom Jones tried limericks and jokes – never mind. Even Vatican resorted to limericks whereas Yoshi sang a Japanese ballad. The MM Col. Bloodknock this night had some trouble getting things going and luckily for him the RA was primed and ready to go. The rain continued which made it impossible for the Scribe to take any more notes, but we had a good time and too much beer.

The On-On-On was at a restaurant just before the exit from Rancamaya

The Rope – 10^th April 2000

Hash Stats – 31 Jakarta Hashers, 0 New Members, 2 Visitors = Total 33

Sponsors – Yoshi for the Pizza and Sake, Hares for the excellent makan

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