THE RUN [by a new scribe] Site: AGM at ISCI

The auspicious location for the AGM run was that Expat oasis in the wilds of deepest southest Jakarta known as ISCI, a place where Kids are Kids and men are nervous … fortunately none of the former were in evidence.

What should have been a nice relaxed and dare I say pleasant drive to start was a nightmare due to the usual potholes, mad bus drivers, mad taxis drivers, mad traffic wardens (unofficial) and mad potholes (give me the Jagorawi toll road any day .. at least you can overtake on the hard shoulder).

Upon arriving 20 minutes late, not a good start, the Colonel was at hand to frog march Jungle Fucker and me to the start. Decision time …are you going to be a wimp and take the Pussy run or be a true-blue Hasher and take the long run?… no question … the short run it is. Set off. A couple of early check backs etc and good running roads. Soon encountered some cheeky Pussy sauntering through the Kampung … “ you should be wearing skirts for this run boys!”. Unfortunately, our short cutting Pussy friends were somehow always one step ahead of us ready with more encouraging cries such as “where are your handbags” etc etc..

Lots of interesting, smelly places, lots of arrows and paper, at least for first 2/3^rds of the run then it was a matter of pot-luck as to whether we made it back.

Eventually arrived at the finish where the usual suspects Vatican Rag, Witless, Colonel and Tom Jones were waiting a little worriedly with bribes (T-shirts) and drinks. No one else had arrived back.

Great idea to arrange pleasure cruisers (ISCI tug-boat) to rescue weary Hashers from far away shores of the lake. However, having heard Next Week’s stories about ISCI crocs and pythons (they get bigger with each telling) and seen the state of the boats, the road route appeared a safer option. By now, the light was fading fast and so were Hares’ chances of avoiding the dreaded HS.

Many late comers, Witless arrived by taxi, as did Dr Jerker. Front runners Super Brat, Dike, Cheeseballs and Mud Guard all turned up late bemoaning lack of paper and just generally moaning whilst our intrepid leader Sheep Skin came at the rear with his trumpet in hand. The stage was set for some serious Hare bashing. Gay Gordon

THE CIRCLE [by an old scribe]

This was a circle of three halves, and for some reason it didn’t get around to starting until 7.30.

First Half Sheepskin seemed loathed to let go of the reigns of power and strutted around the circle giving a vercuoso performance in the art of hash-mastering that could have rarely been equaled in the annals of JH3 history. The new master, who was to be announced later, must have looked on with trepidation and wandered how he was going to emulate such a formidable predecessor. Any case, this was the fun part of the evening. A celebration of all that had been achieved in the previous year, thanks to all those hard working senior committee members, a word for the backroom boys and acknowledgment for those who had just come along during the year. There was a little sadness at the loss, during year, of the likes of Hardcase, BeeBee Botaksan, and Concorde, and a sincere hope that their parting would not be for much longer [except in the case of Concorde].

There were some scintillating announcements of which the only ones that I remember concerned the Hash Sprash, which is on 20^th May 2000, and something about the 6.30am start for the Highland Gathering run on 28^th May 2000. For those new to Jakarta the latter is well worth attending, as you can watch a load of fat wankers in skirts, blowing up sheep’s stomachs, chucking trees and getting pissed.

With a firm resolution the run was declared a hash shit. So many so late, so many off paper, so many who missed the boat, so much crappy countryside and a trio of hares who should be put in an old peoples home before they can do any more damage to hashing in Jakarta. There was no doubt that it had been difficult to set a run in this area, but what a balls-up. Some blame must though be put on the outgoing Hairline, Bp Superbat, for even considering this trio of tosspots, for such an auspicious occasion. Let us hope that under the new committee there will be at least an inkling of common sense when giving hashers the privilege of setting important runs.

There was lots of icing, but in a haze of Anchor I remember little. The educational part of the evening resulted in us finding out what a Scotsman wears below his kilt. McKK showed us that his clan sports a pair of Addidas track suite bottoms, while a representative of the McRabeye clan revealed a very small wobbly attachment much like a shriveled prune.

An enterprising song by the hares allowed rapid circulation of mugs for the mugs on the Committee, and this was immediately followed by the much sort after achievement awards for the year.

· Best year book editor Bolt1on

· Run of the year Superbrat, Witless [beyond Cibinong]

· Hash shit of the year Yoshi, KK and Itchycock [Sentul]

· Song of the year - Postponed [not delayed but Postponed]- “Farewell Botaksan.”

· Most promising [and only] new comers Gay Gordon and Nick ‘Copper Dick’ Leeson

· Most consistent hound Bp Yoshi [50]

Second Half This was the time when we took a break from the formal proceedings to throw the old and new hash masters into the lake. Ibu Herpes was a little worried about the sign that warned of crocodiles in the lake, but was pacified when someone said that if worst came to worst they would give her a lift home. Ibu Sheepskin didn’t appear to care one way or the other. The gorging of the usual AGM buffet was a typically unpleasant sight for the faint-hearted.

Third Half From now on it was Sheep’s Kin Who? We were entering the really serious part of the occasion when we were to find out which of us were going to navigate the hash through another testing year. With wails of fear and downright fear no other than Slobidan [ex. Herpes] strode forward and asserted his presence on the proceeding, and we were to find out that we were letting ourselves in for a year of harsh discipline and severe order.

Silence, excepting a few nervous shuffles, descended, as the master glared around the circle looking for those hashers who had been chosen for his team. Soon the first names were out and there was unexpected elation at the announcement of three new names to the ranks of the committee, with Nick Leeson, Gay Gordon and Next Week taking on key responsibilities for the first time. Those names that followed were less surprising with a rehash of experienced and loader mouthed members who will bring stability to the team. The real surprises came with the announcements of the Joints. First of all there was the re-acceptance of Bolt1on into the fold. Often the but end of jokes, derision and abuse, it is amazing how he keeps coming back for more punishment. The next serious surprise was the announcement of yours truly as a Joint. This has to be a joke! Please let it be joke! Please please let it be a joke!

So let’s see what happens. This maybe my last stint at scribing and that’s sad as it has been heart warming to receive so much praise and adulation over the year. It has also been rewarding to start a campaign to expose the subversive activities of certain ethnic groups, unnatural sexual proclivities of some in our midst and to set controls on the quota of aliens, who are all hell bent on destroying this great institution. Back to the bonsai [E.M.]

Sorry Herb I forgot to thank you for the yearbook. It is a magnificent tomb ……………………………

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