SCRIBE’S REPORT Run 1637 Date 15 May 2000 Hares: Skinhead, Witless Wanker

Statistics: Members 32, New Members 1, Visitors 1. Total 34. Site: Gunung Putri

BALLS

After plying him with large numbers of beers and young women I finally persuaded Elephant Man to swap jobs with me. In the cold light of the following day he sent me a pathetic pleading e-mail saying surely it was all a bad dream. But no it was too late, he had exchanged the miseries of standing in the circle every week pouring beer and pleading on his hands and knees for people to lay runs for a position of unlimited power. NO, not the ceremonial position of HM, but SCRIBE, and no ordinary scribe either. At the AGM the new HM Herpes announced my good self as the Turd Scribe. The meaning of this was lost on him and the bored & pissed looking remnants of the circle but it was clear to me - I was being appointed Special Investigative Scribe delving deep into the shit i.e. the past and present lives of JHHH hashers. In the lowest standards of tabloid journalism no stone will be left unturned, no wild accusations from past or present girlfriends, small boys or wives, no matter how implausible, will be ignored, no bushes will be beaten around everything will be printed “warts an all”. Every place of significance, no mater how seedy, will be visited and investigated fully, every bank account detail will be dissected and exposed. With an unlimited budget from the bulging coffers of JHHH – money will be no object to bringing YOU our loyal and respected readership the TRUTH. We do not take your readership and support for granted, we know you require and expect the BEST. This will be fearless investigative reporting guaranteed to strain even the strongest of friendships.

Forget about last Mondays run and circle – you probably have already – lets print things our readers really are interested in. The boring old concept of a report on the run and the circle has gone out of the window. Each edition of the Hasheet written by Superbrat will spotlight certain well-known and loved JHHH characters. Newcomers to JHHH take a long time to get to know some of the older members (and some of them have very old members indeed) who they perceive as aloof, sitting on their huge experience of hundreds of runs. Yes, its time to take them down a peg or twenty and expose them for the perverted old farts they really are.

Coming Soon in “THE SPOTLIGHT ON.…” feature in future sheets by Superbrat:

· The schizophrenic life of Boltoneon/Lavender – the sad delusions of a Megalomaniac drug abuser

· Exposed - the SECRET life of a Witless Wanker – the real story of this, our most popular hasher that his many fans might be afraid to read but we dare to print.

· Angie – when will THAT baby be born

· A JHHH mystery - Whatever happened to Konkrete Kock – revealed details of his kidnap and gruesome torture as we communicate from beyond the grave and reveal just who was responsible.

· The secret life of the Maaaandi - learn more about this shy retiring creature

· Sprashgate – the man responsible for this dastardly deed is unmasked – prepare to be amazed

· A terrifying glimpse into the mind of Tarzan Speaking – learn the language.

· A walk on the wild side with Yoshi and his GPS

· Magic Dragon interviewed - in depth discussion of the many meanings of the word cunt

Frightened about exposure – just contact Superbrat and for a large fee (cash US dollars) I can (maybe) delay publication till you are safely out of the country or have established a new identity.

THE RUN: A run, jog or stroll amongst the delights of the West Java countryside while watching the sunset is what we need after this prolonged wet season. What we got was rain lashing down and lightening crackling all around. The mood of the pack was clear – someone was going to pay for this. The trail consisted of 150m of paper from the site and about 500m of paper on the hill itself. The fact that these two places are separated by several kilometers resulted in the pack spreading wide and ultimately fracturing into numerous small groups. Your scribe and the HM met Mudguard on top of Gunung Puteri herself; as we admired the views of the wet and flooded countryside several lightening bolts hit the area to the south reminding us that standing on top of the highest object for around 20km was probably not very clever. A hasty descent and I met a disoriented Magic Dragon still staggering away from the beer at 5.40. I turned him through 180 degrees and we strolled back, meeting Angie some 600m from the site who claimed he’d also been up the hill and had just lost paper.

Mr. BANGLES

THE CIRCLE: Beers for New Committee, Visitor Screwdriver from Perth and Returners Simply Fred & Tommy the Who? – good to see you again. During the announcements The Rope caused panic in the circle by announcing that McGreedy was thinking of visiting Jakarta in June. Half the circle immediately went home to compose letters to try and persuade him this was not a good idea while the other half made plans to leave Jakarta during the period of his visit to prevent severe drainage of their cash, booze and food supplies. And so we come to the tragic bit, there was no way of stopping it….the run discussion. This is where the circle debated one of the bigger questions facing Mankind today – who do you blame when 20 million tons of water fall out of the sky and wash all the paper away? Answer: the hares. Jonesy questioned whether the hares had laid any paper at all, voicing a suspicion amongst the pack that the hares had thrown a few clumps of paper around the site before driving to Gunung Putri and doing the same there; after this, it was felt, they went and got pissed at the nearest restaurant. Mudguard thought it predictable. Vatican Rag complimented the hares on the well-hidden paper. Your scribe pointed out that while laying some paper and painting a few arrows might have been a good idea, at least the hares had made some effort, unlike the (un)reliable Holy Joop who had dropped out at the eleventh hour. Cheeseballs then made a comment in an unknown language that was totally incomprehensible to everyone and made Tarzan look like a master of the English Language. The only two recognisable English words were ‘battlefield”, presumably a reference to the recent firework celebration in Cloggie land, and ‘Hashit”. At this point the decision was on a knife-edge. It was Tarzan’s eloquent comment that tipped the balance “First come here, no paper, I kumdeal check an pour how horn, don’t har hare no spend believe me Hashit”. Upon hearing this Slobadan Herpesovich immediately declared the run as a hashit, brushing aside the fact this was an emergency run with the comment “in life all good efforts are not rewarded”. Your scribe can still recall the look of anguish on the face of Tom Jones as he realised that the Hashit he had so longed for and worked so hard for had been torn from his grasp after a mere 7 days. He hadn’t even had time to enjoy it properly; he was so distraught that he was forced to go home. Which in view of the Hares songs was probably a wise move, these totally forgettable efforts in German were about some pussies called Valerie and Valera. Boltoneon in the guise of the smiley Lavender received his 450 run shirt in the fashionable mud colour (congratulations Herb) and made a pathetic attempt at singing one verse of the Girl from Baltimore. Magic Dragon showed us how to sing, leading the pack in a rousing rendition of “Viagra” while Lavender cooled himself down on the ice. A “boat race” followed, where the team of Jungle Fucker, Private (after two Hashits in his last 3 hares) Bloodknock, Superbrat & Boltoneon easily out drank the competition of Mudguard, Angie, Skinhead & Magic Dragon. RA Cheeseballs then asked the circle for silence as he discussed the fate of someone who had been in a coma for the last 20 years, which most people thought was Fast Eddy but turned out to be the ex Japanese Prime Minister. Our visitor, Screwdriver, strode into the circle and sang about Hamersley Hashers running like hares and fucking with dogs which resulted in him being drowned out with a sterling version of Bestiality’s Best. Some jokes brought the circle to a close. The on-on was excellent fish, chicken, veg and rice with cold beer at a local restaurant just 1 km from the site, this resulted in a turn out of 12 out of the 16 remaining in the circle at the end. Well done hares. The on-on-on was in Blok M and enjoyed by those that attended. Thanks hares for a good night out.

THAT DIRTY OLD MAN

OUR MAN AT THE BAR - With his head in his hands.

Coming soon yet another new feature where true and honest opinions are given anonymously by members of the pack. Opinions given in the relaxed safe environment of a Blok M bar after 20 beers. A must for committee members who have lost touch with the ordinary man in the pack.

SuperbratSheet1 = TURD SCRIBE

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