Jakarta Hash House Harriers
Scribe
Sheet Run 1641
HASHSHIT HOLDERS: KK & Yoshi (Run 1641)
KK’s 60th BIRTHDAY RUN REPORT –
READ ALL ABOUT IT
SCRIBE’S REPORT Run 1641 Date 5 June 2000 Hares
KK & Yoshi
Statistics: Members 31, New Members 3, Visitors 1 . Total 35. Site: Cimanggis – RM Ikan
Bakar Kalimantan
WHY
WAS HE BORN
SPOTLIGHT
ON………We are relaxing on the executive floor of a well-known hotel in South
Jakarta that is renowned for the hospitality and efficiency of the young ladies
working in its Business Enterprise Centre. Some cold beers have just been
delivered to our table by an attractive young hostess wearing what would have
been called a knicker grazing leather mini skirt, had she been wearing any
knickers. This warm and accommodating place seems the perfect venue to discuss
a subject of major interest to Hashers. A word that would fall between cunning
and cup in my dictionary of the English Language but is missing due to the
prudish politically correct wankers that put it together. A word that can be
traced all the way back to Olde English i.e. pre 1150 AD but was not printed
until 1965.
Turd Scribe: Magic Dragon you are famous for fearlessly
extolling the virtues of this word, even at mass public gatherings.
MD: Yes the full potential of this versatile
word is still not recognised. It is my hope that one day it will be on the tip
of every hasher’s tongue.
Turd Scribe: I presume we are talking both literally and
literary here.
MD: Yes Both. The use of this word as a noun
reminds me of the Durian Fruit while the adjective form is more fully
appreciated after my speech at the JHHH
20th anniversary
party.
Turd Scribe: Really (thinking what the fuck is he on
about, a not uncommon situation in discussions with MD).
MD: Yes, like Durian, the variety of shapes,
sizes and the outside appearance is enormously variable and the smell can be
sweet or disgusting but the taste of the flesh………. His eyes close as he recalls
fond memories of various samplings of this perfect fruit.
Turd Scribe: And the adjective form?
MD: An excellent
term for something or someone disagreeable. Perhaps best known when used as a
collective, as in the way I used it at the JHHH 20th anniversary party to refer to the 300 assembled guests who had
lost interest in my short 5 hour speech on the history of JHHH. At that
historic event a legend was born, it all began when…….(continued on page 69).
SO
BEAUTIFUL
THE RUN: The tropical sun was beginning its descent
as Hash Cash Tom Jones (HM & both JM’s absent) led the pack out. The low
angle light played beautiful colours across the fields of ripening rice which
were slowly swaying in the gentle breeze; as the sun set a slender crescent
moon appeared in a vault of indigo blue sky. The hares were distraught, what
had gone wrong? They had prayed and made offerings to the Japanese and Javanese
rain gods for months to ensure a monsoonal downpour that would guarantee them a
Hashit. This was a serious matter for KK, our resident Hashit Specialist. His
unblemished reputation of 58 hashits in 51 runs was on the line. The dreadful
possibility of this being declared an excellent run was emerging. Out on the
run things were indeed going badly for the hares. The weather was perfect, the
mood of the pack was benign; cries of “great run”, “brilliant views”, “that’s
an interesting flower” and “look at those fantastic tits” were some of the more
erudite comments heard by your scribe. As we headed out into a beautiful valley
the fallback position of the hares was revealed. Both had laid completely
different and criss-crossing trails through the sawah – but the mood of the
pack was good and the hounds chose whichever was the more interesting or
shorter of the trails. As Gay Gordon led the FRB’s round the far end of the run
and into the home trail the only comments that could be heard were “excellent
run”, KK was beside himself with anguish (who was probably off running on the
golf course), it was indeed time for extreme measures. Special Agent Yoshi was
woken from his normal trance-like state and sent out equipped with a huge bag
of paper. His plan was clear but could he succeed? By now the pack was romping
back and only a few kilometers from home, the On In sign was passed, yes it was
going to be an excellent run. But wait, who was that standing ahead? One of the
hares, Yoshi, with a bag of paper slung across his shoulder and an enigmatic
smile on his face. He was oblivious to all requests for directions to the
in-trail and was quite possibly asleep on his feet. The paper he could have
laid was still in the bag along with the unused paint. The football field he
was standing on was part of the out-trail, clearly the run was a figure of 8 or
a 6, but which? The only paper to be found was definitely the out-trail, but
had possibly been reversed, the pack headed in only to be hit by arrows pointing
out and check-arounds that as it turned out should have been reversed or erased
but weren’t. The pack split up and as darkness fell confusion reigned;
plaintiff cries of “are you?” could be heard from every direction. Had KK and
Yoshi achieved the impossible and snatched a hashit from a certain excellent
run?………read on.
WHY WAS HE BORN AT ALL
THE CIRCLE: They came from far and wide to celebrate
the 60th birthday of a true living hash legend, Congratulations KK
you don’t look a day over 90. Who says that drinking excessive amounts of beer
and chasing after teenage girls is bad for you? As the circle assembled it was
clear that it would require a brave, fearless and dynamic leader to control
this rabble; someone with the physical presence of Mike Tyson and the wisdom of
Solomon – the choice was clear and Tom Jones was unanimously elected as HM for
the night. Drinks and Happy Birthday song for Birthday Boy KK. Drinks also for
new members Jock Mackie & Timothy Pitt. The returners were interesting,
someone who looked like the presumed deceased Konkrete Kock showed up along
with Crusty Nuts, good to see your alive as well, and Dr. Jerker who narrowly
escaped being bombed in Manila when the bomb warning was accidentally phoned to
the The Rope’s house in Cilandak. The hares were on edge as the run discussion
began. Pretty boy had never seen so much paper but thought it a good run, as
did Masterbator who enjoyed the countryside. Cheeseballs had obviously been
smoking the seaweed provided as a snack by the hares and made some Tarzanesque
incomprehensible comment. Tarzan himself was confused on the run, nothing new
there, but declared it good. The hares were visibly tense, had all their
efforts been in vain? It looked like it when a small docile marsupial from
Batavia also declared it a good run. Fortunately a saviour appeared in the
guise of a large man wearing an incredibly small pair of children’s tartan
shorts, Rabeye tactfully told the small docile marsupial he was speaking
through his arse and that while such a run may be great by Batavia standards it
was a piece of shit by JHHH standards. Now we were talking. Mudguard, Sheepskin
and Vatican Rag all pointed out it was a hashit for various technical reasons,
the hares began to smile. A quick show of hands and the result was clear with
49 votes out of 35 for a hashit. The hares were ecstatic and rushed to the ice
to pose for pictures as we heard again the story of Mr. Bangles. At this point
some provocateurs decided to bomb the circle with cans of cold B*****g in the hope
of creating trouble. But Monday night hashers are made of stern stuff and are
not easily provoked by such childish antics, rather, it was yet another
opportunity to taste (for who would refuse free beer) both beers and realise
that neither will ever rate in the list of the Great Beers of the World. While
MM Angie sang (?) theWoodpeckers Hole and You’ll Never Get to Heaven the
provocateurs joined Rabeye (sin –
knocking over the mugs) on the ice. When Rabeye was released and stood up the
ice block was still stuck to his shorts seemingly defying gravity – an amazing
sight! RA Cheeseballs organised a competition for the jury of the next
Indonesian beauty contest; for Ability the shortlist was Vatican Rag, Konkrete
Kock and Rabeye, for Beauty it was Tarzan, Pretty Boy and Nick Leeson and for
Behaviour it was between Angie, Superbrat and Wombat. The result was a clear
victory for Tarzan (show us your tits) Speaking who had to be dissuaded from
drinking an entire pitcher of beer instead of the mug he was offered to
celebrate his victory. The hares songs were what sounded like “Nashee Goo Ya”
and “Screw the Goose” both deserve to be consigned to the recycle bin. Tarzan
again claimed he was confused which seemed a good point to close the circle and
KK led us in some other song while we all sang the Hash Hymn. The on-on was
excellent ikan asam pedas, sate, kangkung and rice with cold beer on site; this
resulted in a turn out of 16 out of the 20 remaining in the circle at the end.
Songs and jokes abounded and a good time was had by all. The on-on-on was in
the various holes of Blok M and enjoyed
by those that attended. Thanks hares for the Sarongs, Sushi, Sake and Seaweed
and an excellent night out. Congratulations again KK on your 60 years.
HE’S
NO FUCKING USE TO ANYONE
OUR MAN AT THE
BAR - With his head on the
bar.
And
what about those wankers from that cliquey Thursday shandy hash; where were
they at the Sprash the other week – ever since they raised their minimum
joining age to 60 I believe these geriatric old bastards can’t even get up out
of their chairs anymore and are forced to watch boring football games all the
time. And did you see Boltoneon stick those 4 pairs of socks into his jocks at
the Sprash. The result was very strange. My missus reckons he had a serious
medical problem and that was confirmed by whatchamacallhim – that guy from the
medical centre who reckons it looked like third phase syphilis – where the
lower intestines drop down into your bollocks, you know……………Continued on page
23.
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