THE ROPE’S BIRTHDAY TREAT

SCRIBE’S REPORT Run 1643 Date 19 June 2000 Hares : The Rope, Tony Blackburn

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Saga Restaurant, Jl Alternatif, Cibubur

THE RUN : A Birthday Treat ?

Well, of all the birthday treats I could imagine, this run ranks right down at the bottom of the rope ladder. Where I come from a birthday treat is traditionally something with an element of surprise, something you look forward to with great anticipation and something that gives you more than a little pleasure. For example something like your missus giving you a fist full of rupiah (no surprise), a late pass to the 5 plus one (mild surprise, pleasure) and Miss Indonesia as your hostess for the evening (heart attack territory). But let’s not digress … or be too hard on the Old Rope, after all he is now 51. Let’s cut him some slack. Let’s not judge him against the standards we have come to expect of others, whose names escape me for the moment. Let’s judge him against his own (woeful) standards - none other than his last Hare run. If we do this, we may be bound (unnaturally so), to give top marks for this “treat” run. It did after all show balls of rope more imagination than a trot around his factory car park. And thinking about it more, there were a few genuine elements of surprise (dare I say pleasure) to this run ie how often have you experienced bone trampling in a cemetery, how often have you tried to see blue arrows in the dark, how much fun is it running without paper, what extraordinary surprise when confronted with a full scale Roman Coliseum in the middle of an Indonesian housing estate (pity there were no lions to throw the Hares to) and all this in a run which was longer than a years production of string. I put it to you fellow Hashers that this run had elements of a being a truly great run, a real Treat but were the Hares able to string the best bits together, thread the string through the eye of the needle and deliver a true Birthday Treat. Read on……

CIRCLE : A Treat For The English Hooligans

Where was every one! Had the pleasure of this “Treat” of a run been such that no one wanted it to end and therefore hadn’t bothered coming back!

Proceedings eventually commenced with a case of mistaken identity. Apparently a big hairy German had been spotted out on the run but to the HM’s relief it turned out to be that Natzy imposter Bolt1On rather than HM Herpes himself.

Euro 2000 was a topic of great discussion…. not so much the silky skills of the footballers but rather the chair throwing escapades of the English Hooligans. Called to account were our two aging English football Thugagarians the Rope and Tony Blackburn. So what was the big idea throwing chairs at those poor defenseless Gerries. Well they were neither poor nor defenseless sitting in their swanky 7 series Beemers .. any way you didn’t expect to watch that w…… Beckham did you?

A serious debate then ensued on whether a scribe should write two sheets in a row .. here is living proof that he shouldn’t. Anyway, where’s that right Holy git Joop when you need him. He hasn’t set foot in Indonesia since he was roped into scribe service.

Its now 6.55pm and our weight watcher of the year Crusty Nuts (good to see you back) made a fleeting appearance before being blown back to Jakarta by a light breeze.

Next in at 6.57pm was Sheep’s Kin moaning that he was late because Bolt 1 On stole the last Ojek for miles. What’s the Hash coming to!

The great Emperor Tajimoto assisted his great great great grandson Postponed into the circle. Its interesting to note that this man of advanced years looked far healthier than men half his age around the circle.

Concrete Cock was chastised again for losing 12 million rups of hash funds and was reminded to cough up for this weeks run or get the Gallipolli treatment from Tom Jones.

Next Week (Flash Harry) was on a bit of a high. He had figured out how to take off the lens cap but couldn’t understand why all his shots were cloudy … try to avoid standing next to Mug Guard and his big, (auditioning couch) smoking cigar.

The same wind that blew Crusty Nutts away also brought an unusually fresh smell to the circle closely followed by Bullshit. I expect the sun shines out of his arse as well.

Time for the “Treat” assessment .. in with Rope and Tony BB. They were rightly concerned that they hadn’t successfully strung all the best ingredients of this run together. So rather than taking their punishment like men they whimpered pathetically that they had remembered not to put paper in the graveyard (yes but that wasn’t the only place!) and that they used lots of arrows (omitting to say they were dark blue rather than white).

The dye was caste. Gadget was first up. How come they were able to lay paper that was exactly the same shape and colour as broken tiles. Sheep’s Kin had a more technical assessment .. how come there was an arrow pointing to a check-back. After some debate Leeky advised that the arrow in fact missed the check -back by at least ½ degree (a technical near miss but really an own goal in Euro 2K speak ). Joker had little to say about the run but apparently enjoyed SheepsKin’s attention to his rear. Tarzan, bless his sole, almost made sense … lefty , rightly, uppy and downy .. until we realised he was talking about something other than the run .. ice please. Fanny was a little disorientated and rabbited on about the difficulties of being a “pro” in Holland during Euro 2k and how lovely it was to see a real coliseum in Indonesia. MGM thought the run was a treat unlike Reg who slagged it off. Hash Shit. HM made the final assessment. It was obviously not a Birthday treat for everyone but just how bad was it. In a fit of leniency HM pronounced it a Shit of a Run. Close call.

Announcements … Tarzan speaking Pan Indo again and wants your rupes. The Morningside Boy (Tim Pitt) is still struggling with Tarzan’s version of the Queen’s English.

Bolt 1 On, the near extinguished member of JH3, invited everyone (and their “secretaries”) to join the Volcano run at Mt Bromo in West Java (how about a geography lesson from one of your secretaries!).

Next weeks run is somewhere but co hare didn’t know where.

Cheeseballs stepped daintily into the ring in his size 12 cloggs. Tarzan was removed from ice but was accused of farting on it (or talking out of his arse) because there were bubbles on the ice. For some reason Bolt1On got the blame with Tarzan using his immortal catch phrase “ you f…..g trouble”.

Angie, the MM, now beginning to acquire the shape as well as the body of a singing diva, was game for a “gang bang” with anyone who was willing.

Now to the 300 run achiever Sheep’s Kin and a rip-roaring rendition of his personal master-piece “Ugggly”.

Cheeseballs heaped more shame on the English football supporters for their atrocious behavior in depriving good honest working girls of a decent living because they preferred a bit of hooliganism to a night (ok a few minutes) of passion.

The Hares came up with a very original but badly sung Banana song (don’t give up your day job guys).

Tarzan was back on ice again and then fell off it. Angie did “these foolish things” followed by Emperor Tajimoto and long lost son Postponed contorting to a Japanese love song .. didn’t understand a word but the facial expressions said it all (must be piles!).

Finally pots on the floor and on on to Saga Restaurant (the food was not a “Treat”) and on on down hill from there to Block M.

Scribe GG

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