SCRIBE’S REPORT Run 1645 Date July 3rd 2000 Hares Magic Dragon & Angie

Statistics: Members 31, New Members 1, Visitors 4. Total 36. Site: Taman Metropolitan

YANKEE FINISH IN 5 MINUTES

Are you looking for the SPOTLIGHT ON………section? Well tough shit because this month we begin our readers letters feature. We invite you and our thousands of other readers to write in about anything at all. Don’t worry about facts just send your opinions to datkins@jason.nl and no matter how bigoted, factually incorrect or racist your comments are and no matter what your psychiatric state we will publish them anyway. If we feel like it.

Today we look at a topical subject. On the day the revolting yanks established their own cuntry and began exterminating the indigenous population we ask the question – are Americans relaxed, friendly people? Or are they a bunch of fat, slobby, loud mouthed wankers with poor dress sense, an inability to distinguish food from plastic, a preference for injecting silicon into their extremities, enjoy shooting each other for a hobby and are challenged to speak English properly. Lets hear your opinion on the master race of the planets only Superpower. And because of the amazing power of the Internet and real time communication we already hear from a Mr.Gadget who writes in to say - How dare you insult American fast food. This is undoubtedly the finest, healthiest cuisine in the world; I eat 5 cheeseburgers, 4 hotdogs and 3 cheesecakes with synthetic cream every morning and look at my healthy fat line body.

Sir, I wish to point out that contrary to your glowing rose tinted portrait of the Yanks they are extremely stupid. As a connoisseur of fine cigars I am appalled that these brainless people have yet to realise that you place these in your mouth and not in the nearest cunt, outraged Mudguard.

A Mr. Konkorde writes in from Brazil and says your portrait of African Americans is extremely offensive, I like Blacks but I couldn’t eat a whole one.

Sir, I reject you assessment of America as a cultural wasteland, it is a well-known fact that the American Film Industry is famous all over the galaxy for producing the highest quality hard core pornography. A. Masterbator.

Your view of American Women as aggressive, power mad, frigid, money grabbing creatures is way out of line; on the contrary they are highly attractive, friendly and great in bed, it is a lie that I have to come back to Indonesia every 2 weeks to get a decent fuck. Yours Truthfully, Kevin Fucking D.

See page 69 for more reader’s letters.

BLITISH FUCK FOR HOUR OR MORE

THE RUN: The first part of the run went like this for your Turd Scribe (I picked a fine time to loose me the trail):

Got stuck in the traffic on Gatot Subroto

In a panic I changed in the car

I got to the hash site, 15 minutes late

In time to set off sendirian

Ten minutes later, still on paper

I arrived at a local kampung

Several thousand anak anak, offered advice to me

They said “jangan salah, kesono kesono”

And I believed them

My stupidness belies my years

With shortcutting smugness I ran across the sawah

As fast as my poor feet could fly

Within 5 minutes I was back at the beer truck

Thinking what the fuck was it all for

As it was still only 5.30 Rubherturd and myself decided to run the in-trail backwards to get a bit of exercise and see for ourselves the great scenery the hares had promised. Within 5 minutes we were indeed out of kampung and into attractive sawah, a further 5 minutes saw us meeting front runners Vibrator, Gay Gordon and Leaky Dick. The scenery was so good and the run so well laid we were tempted further and further out. It was now clear that the run was a lefty or a righty as were running backward. Around 5.55 we correctly guessed we were more than half way round and decided to attempt an ambitious complete reversal of the run in the gathering gloom. A few minutes later we met MGM who claimed he had been on paper all the way and it was a very long run. Nevertheless Rubherturd and Turd Scribe pushed on back, solving the checks in reverse through an area of higher ground when who should we meet but MGM who was just completing his third or fourth circuit of the outermost and biggest loop in the run. We all headed back in to arrive with superb timing just as the last drones of HM Herpes announcements finished.

You might, quite correctly, ask what the fuck is American about Co-Hare Angie but then he sets Scottish runs on the basis of only having a Scottish first name so I suppose this is just a further development of his Identity Crisis, the original Co-Hare was Kevin Fucking Desmond who at least talks with an American accent but decided to celebrate this monumentally insignificant day in the good old US of A and let down his mate Magic Dragon. Your Turd Scribe has been doing a bit of dirt digging and can reveal that Kevin was a test tube baby, apparently he wasn’t worth a fuck then either.

YES I LIKEE BLITISH (Scottish?) SOLDIER

THE CIRCLE: They had planned and practiced for months for the assault but with force of numbers and a bit of luck they hoped to pull off a major coup. As it happened the overwhelming odds allowed a total rout. By the end of the circle the American Independence Day Run had become the Scottish Run as pre-placed Scottish moles and sympathisers emerged from the pack to join the marauding hordes of Scottish and semi Scottish visitors.

Having been lucky enough to miss all the announcements I arrived in time to hear HM Herpes showing off his great intellect by starting the Run discussion with the brilliant and startling observation that the run had been set in an area of “rice fields and kampung”. Bemo Bob had been puzzled by the lack of paper on his run to the right, as the paper went left, but seemed more preoccupied in telling everyone about the two fingers he had recently had up his arse. Sheepskin was quick to point out that this explained his shitty outlook on life whereas the run was a new site in an area of pretty sawah and had been good for him. Vibrator declared the run excellent on the basis that all the short cutters had been fucked up. McGreedy thought that yours truly and Rubherturd were insane in running it twice, at his age once is definitely enough for him. Itchycock was full of conviction and was certain it was “maybe a good run”. Yoshi objected to all the kind comments pointing to the late arrival of himself and the other short cutters. But since he wanders off paper on the simplest of runs in well known areas this was not going to hold much sway and so Herpes declared it quite correctly as a Good Run.

Magic Dragon sang a medley of patriotic songs Star Spangled Banner and Yankee Doodle Dandy. RA Colonel Bloodclot awarded Sheepskin his 300 run mug, congratulations. Crusty Nuts belatedly got his mug for being MM last year and led us in a rousing version of the S&M man, what else, including the classic verse “who can take a cheese grater, strap it to his wrist, fist fuck the bitch and make vagina parmesan”. Angie started the Scottish assault by massacring My Darling Clementine. Bloodclot kept us on the American theme by pointing out that several American States had legalised marriages between Pooftas, as they are known in the land of the politically correct. He was about to hold the marriage ceremony of Gay Gordon to Yoshi and Elephant Man to Tarzan when the latter objected on the grounds of “but I speak talking about Waltz, I support Hash 2002 Cardiff, I talking about….” Fortunately we were spared any more when Sheepskin pointed out that Cardiff was not a Goa and so the ceremony was completed. Magic Dragon sang a superb new song America America with classic verses “every child of 5 or 6 can use his fathers gun and if you don’t like it we will shoot you dead”. Our RA pointed out that the bomb threat to the Rope’s house was a misunderstanding from when a barmaid in Blok M phoned to say “belum bayar bon” he heard it as “ada bom”. Pretty Boy questioned the Ropes name and the circle then debated whether he should be called Dope on a Rope or The Rope on Dope.

It was at this point the Scottish assault began in earnest when our New Boy Tim “Futball Pitch” Pitt pointed out in his best Morningside accent that just because America had declared Independence did not mean it was not still a colony. He got so excited about this that his sandals, borrowed from a friend 50 years ago by his father in true tight-arsed Scottish tradition, disintegrated. While the dusty remains were inspected this diversionary tactic allowed McGreedy to take over the circle and welcome in the flood of Scottish sympathisers such as JC and Farmer Giles. Within minutes the Scottish jokes were going and finally, we found ourselves singing the Scottish song “if you take the right leg” on the American Independence Run as the Scots marauded around the circle as if they had just anexed America as their first colony. The circle closed after drinks for low profilers Nick Leeson, Manaaandi and KK.

The Identity Crisis continued for the 11 of us attending the on-on at Akbar Palace. The beer was not Anker, we were informed the chicken was a leg of lamb and the name on the receipt was for a hash other than JHHH. Thanks hares for an excellent run in new country and a good night out.

YANKS GO HOME I SHED NO TEARS

OUR MAN AT THE BAR - With his head on the bar and his hand up the skirt of the young lady next to him.

What did Ciderella do when she got to the ball? She choked. And what about last weeks sheet, I always wondered what the fuck was Holy about that wanker Joop now I know that he can sit on a beach in the South of France and watch over JHHH at the same time, maybe he is a divine being of some sort after all, talking of divine beings, do you remember that guy that died 7 years ago? Well I swear I met him in the bar last week, I couldn’t have been pissed as I was with Fast Eddy and had only had 15 or 25 beers at the time……………Continued on page 23.

SuperbratSheet3 TURD SCRIBE

Click below to go to :

Other sheets

Anker bir logo