SCRIBE’S REPORT Run 1649 Date July 31 2000 Hares Tarzan, Tim Pitt & Vatican Rag

Statistics: Members 32, New Members 3, Visitors 1. Total 36. Site:RM Sate Bangdul

I’M A WANKER, I’M A WANKER

SPOTLIGHT ON…….. A frequently asked question on the Hash is just where did Witless Wanker develop that fantastic calm, cool, relaxed and tactful manner and the negotiation skills that allow him to navigate successfully through even the most confrontational and provoking of circumstances. Emotional, volatile, unreasonable, easily provoked, hotheaded, opinionated and unstable are never words that could be used to describe Witless. How did he develop the skill, wit and repartee, irresistible to friends and young girls alike? How is it possible to become that skilled at negotiating in such a calm and composed way, always patient, never flying off the handle or going over the edge even when provoked. We can now reveal that the initial basic skills he learned as a top flight executive at BP. Younger readers will be amazed to discover that Witless has not spent all his life cadging lifts to the hash and beers from his mates. Later as he immersed himself deep into Javanese pussy, sorry, culture he became an expert practitioner of the twin concepts known in Javanese as adam ayem and nerimo. If you don’t know about these ask your Javanese wife or girlfriend or wait for our next exciting installment in your Turd Scribes new 6 part series “Exposed -The Secret Life of Witless Wanker”.

AND IT DOES ME GOOD

THE RUN: The Hares were boasting beforehand about what a great run this was. Vatican Rag & Tarzan assured me that they had taken virgin hare Tim “Futball Putch” Pitt under their wings and showed him how to lay a truly great run. Your scribe was rather dubious of these claims, the two experienced hares have indeed set a total of around 150 runs between them but quantity does not mean quality. The pack would later decide on the merits of this run, or would they? The run headed off across the Cilungsi road and into a dry dusty area where it began a series of loops into kampung and out into some nice areas of sawah. The contorted loops are a Vatican Rag speciality and work extremely well at keeping the pack together and allow our shortcutting specialists Dr. Jerker, Pretty Boy, Jungle Fucker, Mohammed, Mudguard and Leeky Dick to show off their skills. Your scribe was, however, astonished at the huge amounts of long paper that had been laid on well-used trails, surely they were asking for trouble? As we headed out into more open attractive country in the area around the lakes the only complaint was that the recent dry spell had dried up the Mandi sites and there was a distressing lack of naked young girls with large breasts. Things were looking good for the hares – but all that was about to change. The run headed onto higher ground and the paper went straight into a cemetery and ended. As frontrunners Vibrator and Superbrat ran every conceivable trail other runners arrived and spread out, after over 10 minutes of fruitless searching your Scribe gave up and along with most others braved the exhaust fumes and mad motorcyclists to run back in on the Radio Tower and main Cilungsi roads. Despite the T-shirt (thanks sponsor Tim Pitt) give away the most often heard word as we waited for the circle to assemble was Hashit.

LIKE IT BLOODY WELL SHOULD

THE CIRCLE: When Herpes was elected HM it was felt he could hold together the disparate elements that had emerged from the past discredited regimes. The rather modest expectations of JHHH were immediately dashed when he promptly emptied the hash coffers and went on a world tour. In his absence JHHH got on OK without him and even awarded several well-deserved hashits without any problems. Unfortunately when the money ran out Herpes was forced to return to JHHH and has since made many erratic decisions and statements, which have, caused great distress and confusion to the masses. Last week after spending over one hour on the announcements he made the bizarre decision to appoint Bolty as RA and Witless Wanker as MM. The, predictable, result was one of the most chaotic circles your scribe can remember. While the chaos took place all around us dark words were whispered about Herpes abilities.

This week things took a drastic turn for the worse. Things started well enough with the appointment of Rabeye as RA and Magic Dragon as MM. Past Member Pasta Turd, Visitor David from Oz and Returners Dr. Jerker, Mohamad, Kermit, Nick Leeson, Rabeye and Tommy the Who all received a downdown – good to see you all again. Problems began soon enough when HM attempted to discipline various people for wanking and thinking. It is presumed he was floating some trial balloons to gauge the reaction of JHHH to the introduction of such childish rules. The reaction was immediate with Dr. Jerker pointing out that he was a wanker and proud of it. Most of the circle agreed that open thinking and wanking on a Monday Night are jealously guarded privileges that we will fight to preserve. We are not closet wankers as found on other hashes, this is one of the things that makes JHHH great. In the words of the great philosopher Rene Descartes “I think therefore I wank”.

The run discussion began with many cries for hashit, Pasta Turd declared it the worst run in 3 years, our visitor from Perth declared it a “shithouse run”. Hashman must have been pissed because he declared he had been running (!) with Inspector Gadget (this weeks hair dye golden auburn). Witless bellowed out his comment that the experience of the hares was such that they should know better than to lay long paper in areas commonly used by the hash - it was asking to be re-laid. Tom Jones tried to defend the hares by pointing out that the first half of the run was good and it wasn’t their fault that someone (like WW) had re-laid the paper. It was Dr. Jerker who best summed up both the run and the mood of the pack – perfectly conceived, perfectly laid, perfectly fucked up and therefore a perfect Hashit. It was only left for Herpes to declare it as such when bizarrely he uttered the words “good run”. There was a stunned silence followed by the mass chanting of “Hashit!, Hashit!” as the circle tried to change this decision. But sadly democracy was brushed aside and another autocratic decision was imposed on the long suffering masses. What has happened to Slobadan Herpesovich? It sadly looks like he is suffering from Lavender syndrome where former feared RA’s degenerate into smiley wrecks of men who want to please everyone and end up pleasing nobody. JHHH is now left with no alternative but to convene an MPR (Mega Piss-up & Rooting) session in Blok M later this week where we will debate the possible impeachment of HM Herpes due to gross dereliction of duty and possible senility.

In marked contrast to last weeks shambles this week we had some excellent singing with Magic Dragon leading us in “Sit On My Face If You Love Me” and “Bye Bye Blackbird”. RA Rabye wearing the same tartan shorts he has continuously worn since childhood in a fine display of hypocrisy declared he was bored with Dr. Jerker wearing the same hat for the last 10 years. The by now pissed visitor from Perth slurred something about non-alcoholic whisky which Vatican Rag was quick to point out is like talking about Australian Culture or Military Intelligence. The Hares jointly sang “Perverts of Society”; Tarzan reduced the circle to a deathly hush with his song for the Pussy Hash. Tim Pitt demonstrated his potential as MM for next year with a fine version of “Far Away In The Tampax Factory” and was rewarded for both this and his generous T-shirt sponsorship with some beers. Tarzan gave his 4^th or 5^th speech of the night; the wheel was still spinning but the hamster was dead. Inspector Gadget (400 runs) and Angie (500 runs) received T-Shirts and beers courtesy of Rabeye and a shower courtesy of Witless. Hashman received his leavers mug, only one year late. Inspector Gadget told us how Konkorde had got a new company car after giving his old one to some men just because they had guns. Angie touched the Black Black Bush again as he is want to do for each of his achievements and Hashman led us in a stirring rendition of “Shitty I Eh, Shitty I Oh”. At this point Herpes awoke from his slumbers and closed the circle. The on-on was a short walk away, resulting in 13 out of the 17 left at the end of the circle staying. Thanks hares for half a good run and a good night out.

HE’S A WANKER, HE’S A WANKER

OUR MAN AT THE BAR – With his head on the bar and his hand up the skirt of the young lady next to him who is tickling his balls. Just where the fuck is that rukker Joop, the kut, its now 13 runs since we last saw him. If that opdekontneuker doesn’t turn up soon we should cut off his lul etc. etc. For Dutch to English translation see page 23.

Superbrat TURD SCRIBE

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