ACTING SCRIBE (Nick Lesson) REPORTS: Run 1650 DATE: 7/8/00

Hares:Herpes & Sheepskin

Statistics: Members 23, New Members 4, Visitors 3, Unpaid 1: Total 31

Run Site: Ranchamaya

The Run

The best thing that can be said is that it is not just the Japanese that understand the term ’Death March’. Being one of only six, by my count, that actually completed the course on paper, I can say that the views were spectacular from all of the great heights (oxygen bottles would have helped) that we ascended and descended. The constant effects of gravity and vertigo from this Himalayan re-creation would have bought a tear to the eye of Sir Edmund Hillary (probably a relation of Sheepskins) and I now understand why Gurkas are so fit and have one leg shorter than the other. I also hasten to add, prior to having report the actual farce of a run report, that the beer tent and truck were visible on a number of occasions on the run, though this was thoroughly outweighed by the grandeur of the scenery.

Now to the obviously rigged run reports made by either blind, palsied, drunk or a combination of all, hash members who were selected to provide comment. Vatican Rag stated that it was a well planned run with the count being 71 divided by 26 (2.7307692) and then concluded with that all descriptive comment “who gives a fuck”. Elephant Man then eloquently (for him) stated that he could see the umbrella, though this is unlikely given that he must have run most of the course in darkness (Welsh mining habit). Magic Dragon in a momentary lapse into of sanity also stated that he saw the umbrella and noted that this resulted in an automatic ‘Hash Shit’. Witless then added to the report in a succinct three words “Fucking good run”. Leaky Dick was then selected for his unbiased comment which appeared to be that he only saw paper for the first and last five minutes (same route) which may indicate some short cutting. Then for some unknown reason Jonsey was asked for his comment and after due deliberation of Vatican Rags contribution stated ”It was up and down and he was too fucked to decide”, some in the assembled crowd were a bit perplexed by Jonseys comments about being too tired. The next to comment was Yoshi and appeared to center on the abstract Japanese concept of being legless or helpless. This was followed by another abstract multi-dimensional concept by Mudguard which involved the non payment of KKN which resulted in him being lost for twenty minutes and thus the run designers were “incompetent cunts”, which though probably true was a bit harsh considering the Everest like proportions of the run. Colonel Bloodknock then started to comment in a pleasant and lucid manner, only to be verbally abused by sheepskin in an ungentlemanly manner (a NZ rugby custom probably), the Colonel however remained composed and merely commented that if the incompetent Hares could have got the train timetable right we might have got rid of some of our less popular members (un-named). He also noted that the tent was visible on a number of occasions. Tommy the Who then though the sole purpose of the run was so that he could advance his amorous adventures and the discussion degenerated into the availability of a certain attractive young lady observed on the run, though what was to be done with the baby seemed to present some problems. There was then an attempt to get the outside view from Bartacus however he was obviously on drugs and believed the run was good. Clark Cunt then commented that he didn’t do the run but was doing a pre-recon. Then in a desperate attempt to get some sanity in the proceedings Mark Manderson who had been volunteered top pour the piss was asked to comment and in one of those once in a life time insights noted that “It was probably a good run but I had to run with Bolt One On”, to quote a line from Apocalypse now “the horror, the horror”.

The overall run report appears to be a great run.

The Circle

Announcements

Herpes: The Volcano run is on 15-17/9/00 and the spiritual and moral support is over whelming, however, financial commitment is lacking.

Yoshi: In another announcement requiring translation and clarification announced that the children’s run has been set for 20/9/00.

Nick Leeson: Then made a very important announcement that the Australian Embassy Ball would be on 16/9/00 at the Regent Hotel from 7.00pm (tickets available from Leonie Flemming 0811993325/Monique Sheehan 0811994119/Jane Waslin 0811993302/Betsy Dixon 0811995235). The proceeds will be used in may beneficial ways but some of the more important are to help health projects in Indonesia and provide educational opportunities, otherwise unobtainable to less well off Indonesians. Raffle tickets (Rp 50,000 per book) will be available from Nick Leeson next week with the first prize being two return tickets to Europe on Qantas.

Songs and fines

Its not until you have to record the circle that you actually realise that some of our members have some serious psychiatric conditions which would in most normal societies result in their criminal incarceration in either solitary confinement or a funny white suit. The song selection by Angie appeared to center initially on sexual intercourse with animals in Block M, then sex with a little bird called ‘Cock Robin’ and he then went on to express his longings for a cat on a hot tin roof. The most disturbing aspect of this behaviour however became apparent during intermissions in his singing when he kept commenting "Bestialities best boys".

Colonel Bloodknock then for some unknown reason compared Herpes to Dorian Grey and wanted to wash him or immerse him, or atleast at some stage a painting of him in water to see his ‘true face’. At this time the circle in a rare moment of unison and clarity of purpose declared the good Colonel mad and assumed that it was best not to comment on which type of narcotics caused him to reflect on the true image of Herpes. The good Colonel, however, undaunted then went on to relate a joke that apparently originated in Turkey and appeared to involve some understanding by women of the depths that men would go to in order to have sexual intercourse, most of us thought they already knew this though.

Mudguard was then fined for being a “tight arse cunt” which he denied, however, his protests were in vain when Tarzan attempted to defend him about the payment of monies to park at the zoo. The only other fine of note was that rightly dished out to Super Brat for attempting to leave the circle early and he was properly iced. Mention must also be made that Postponed was fined for that most heinous of offences, that of attempting to shoplift the horn.

Some note should be made of the Hares songs. It is with great reluctance that I have to say that Sheepskin bought the house down with his rendition of “Hashing on a Monday afternoon”. It was an excellent song (unlike the run) which was both melodic and descriptive of the Hash. The other extreme was however displayed by Herpes with his rendition of a Rodney Rude song involving masturbation and sodomy. The agreement of the circle was that Herpes should in future tell a joke as clearly if he ever gave up his day job, singing on street corners was unlikely to give him an income.

Other singers of note were Mark Manderson who gave a Scottish rendition of ‘yippee yi yo’ which was warmly received by the circle (especially after the Herpes torture). We then, by some quirk of nature were given a politically correct Canadian rendition of their national anthem (I think) by Clark Cunt. This expression of nationalistic fervor was apparently caused by the Canadian governments requirement for diplomatic staff to be bi-lingual in French and or English. The rationale for this in Indonesia escapes me, but there you go.

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