Jakarta Hash House Harriers
Scribe
Sheet Run 1653
HASHSHIT HOLDERS: Rabeye & Tarzan (run 1654)
SCRIBE’S
REPORT Run: 1653
Date: August 28, 2000
Hares: Rabeye & Tarzan
Statistics: Who cares Site: Bukit Modern
First I like to thank my fellow hashers for all the “fan mail” I received as a token of support and appreciation in reaction on the “useless Cloggy scribe” mail from one of our hash friends. This person with a questionable IQ, checked the E-mail list on top of his mail and concluded that the list was incomplete. Yes, stupid, the list was incomplete, because we use 4 (four) lists. This dumb cunt does not realize that the scribes split their mailing list into 4, as sending a sheet to more than 100 addresses at once can be very troublesome. So if somebody wants to send a message yourself to all fellow hashers, you cannot simply click the “reply all” button, as you will only reach 25 mail addresses; in that case ask one of the scribes to forward your message. Yes indeed even my 4 lists were not complete, but that was done on purpose to check if somebody really misses these beautiful works of art. But the anger displayed by the ones who did not receive the sheet, convinced me how much the sheets are appreciated. So if you’re not yet on one of the mailing lists send a mail to one of the scribes. But enough about this, I will show you below some examples of the “fan-mail” I did receive.
Holy shit, your idea to distribute the sheets via E-mail was brilliant, that nobody came on the idea before. Is it true that it was you who invented the internet instead of Al Gore? By the way, can you include me and the other hashers also on your mailing list? Thanks friend. pretty.boy@lane.net.id
This rewarding mail from pretty.boy@lane.net.id (who the fuck could be hiding behind this narcistic E-mail address?) touches on a sensitive point, do we really want to share our sheets with all hashers? Wouldn’t this be “pearls for the swines”? I personally prefer a more selective approach, by only sending them to the our intellectual members, besides this things that are too easy to get are often not appreciated. We will bring this point up in the next mis-management meeting. One more letter:
“Fucking useless Dutch cunt, you are the most worthless scribe we ever had. Your sheets are coming with the same regularity as the periods of my 59 year old wife, who I luckily left behind in the UK. If you think that I am interested to read your self-promoting shit, you’re wrong. What you write is no lierature but pure shit. Please remove me from your mailing list. colonel@hhh.com
For a new hasher the above words might give the wrong impression, but seasoned Hashers know, that the worse the insult, the higher the appreciation. If above wonderful words do not move a scribe to tears, what will? But let us move to another letter.
Dear Holy, each time I read your sheets I am struck by your wisdom. That’s why I ask your advice for my relation problems. Holy, my girlfriend is very jealous, I have stray sex only on the 5 week days and swear that I did not screw her best girlfriend twice, it was only once. Still she gets mad at me, what is your advice? Best regards:
Bolt-1-on@hhh.net.id
The advice I gave is of course confidential, so I am not going to tell you, that I advised this desperate sucker not to use the weekend to rest, but to give his girlfriend a good service. This will certainly solve the problem. One more letter.
You >*&#@”>@!%^ (words too bad even for hashers) stupid, fucking Cloggy, how smart of you to announce by E-mail to the hashers who don’t have E-mail, that hard copies of the sheets will not be distributed anymore in 7 of the 8 usual places. This is stupid, stupid, stupid. And Mama’s Kitchen is too far for me so I now had to get E-mail.
stup@id.com
Who is here stupid, you don’t need an announcement, if you would have gone to all the 8 usual places you would have found out yourself, in which places you cannot find them anymore. Anyhow I am pleased that this has helped Mr. stup@id.com to finally join this electronic world.
The Run
Rain poured down before the run, but stopped miraculous when our RA Cheeseballs arrived. He can switch on and of the rain to his liking. When he read in the Jakarta Post that the Indonesian Meteorological Institute predicted that the first rain would fall in November, he said:'So you think" and immediately arranged a downpour. I personally found it an excellent run, but nobody asked me.
Run discussion
First some education in Hash rules (please keep reading Mr. Hash Master): A “Hash-Shit” is a good run fucked-up by external factors beyond the control of the hares. To get awarded a Hash-Shit is a honor. A “Shit-of-a-Run” is a lousy run fucked up by the hares. So far these hash-rules, which are based on the hash constitution: “There are no rules”. This was clearly demonstrated by our divine Hash Master who clearly disproved that Austrians always blindly follow rules. After most people in the circle declared it a good to excellent run, he simply called it a Hash-Shit. When we asked Herpes for the reason, he said, that he did hear that it was a good run, but for him the run was fucked up by external reasons as he was trapped in a traffic jam and could not join the run, hence: a Hash-Shit. I have to admit, that there is some logic in this Austrian cunt. Bolt-1-on, was the only one calling for a “Shit-of-a-run” because the hares has sprayed an arrow on the asfalt road surface. And the hash rules state: “No arrows on permanent fixtures”. Rabeye defended himself, because he did not consider roads in Indonesia being “permanent fixtures”. I have to admit that he had a good point.
The circle
The circle looked like a Batavia Hash circle, all were dressed in red T-shirts supplied by courtesy of Rabeye, the only difference with the Thursday hash was the annoying songs interfering with the drinking. Although it was Rabeye’s birthday run, he abused the occasion for business reasons. 70% of the people in the circle have supplied products or services to his company, but nobody got paid yet. That is why Rabeye set up a show to give the audience the impression that he was running a professional company worth the credit given by these suppliers. He obviously hired from a modeling agency a couple of “middle managers” to prove his ability to delegate. They ran around in business attire talking continuously into handphones, to give us the impression that they knew how to handle these modern gadgets (you can buy these plastic ”handphones” for Rp. 3000 at any traffic light). A real top manager does not do anything himself that is why Rabeye even delegated the pouring-of-the-piss to his secretary. Even this was fake, as we all know that he borrowed one of the sexretaries of Bolt-1-on. But she was a sweety, for most hashers looking at her was a prick- raising experience (except for the poofters, but they were served by Rabeyes Scottish shorts). That in fact was Rabeyes only contribution, as Rabeye did not even sing the Hare song, for this he hired another Pussy (better say Feline, because there was nothing “Pussy” about this creature). The lady who appeared was an eyesore; she was huge, fat and ugly with unappetizing bleu hair. Worst of all was her smell. Her tits looked very small compared to the horrific size of her body. Her singing was awful and she tried to mask this by electronic support, blaring from Rabeyes executive car. Another attempt to mask her awful voice was an unsuccessful attempt to ask the circle to join the signing by distributing the lyrics of her song. But when the highly ethical members of the circle read the filthy words of the song, they burned the sheets with lyrics in disgust. Enough is enough, so far we only discussed Rabeye. Have we forgotten Tarzan?..... Yes.
Down-downs were given liberally. Tom Jones was awarded a down-down because it was rumored that he liked to “eat-pussy”, something a good vegetarian should not do. When asked for an explanation, he said that he was still a good vegetarian, because he in fact did not eat the pussy but only the pubic hair. This was accepted as a good excuse, because pubic hair is like veggies growing on a fertile pussy.
Almost disaster struck at 20 hrs when scribe Holy Joop announced that somebody did spill beer on his notes, meaning that the whole evening had been in vain. Herpes first considered to start all-over again, but luckily some hashers still remembered parts of what had happened so far, and they assisted Holy to recombine part of his notes. So please excuse me for any inaccuracies in this sheet, now you know the probable cause.
MOUNT BROMO, every fucking tourist has been there but I bet that most of the expatriates living in this country have never seen the place. Now you have the chance to experience this wonder-of-the-word together with people of the same social standing. If that puts you off, do it for the experience. On Friday morning September 15, so-far about 55 hashers will travel (by air or train) to Surabaya for a fun-filled weekend on the Bromo and beyond, all for a ridiculous price in top-class hotels. We still can accommodates about 10 people, but be fast, the hotel has limited room and registration closes soon. You can also bring friends, collegues and neighbours (as long as they pay).
On, on, on. Holy
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