Jakarta Hash House Harriers
Scribe
Sheet Run 1654
HASHSHIT HOLDERS: Rabeye & Tarzan (run 1654)
Run No 1654, 4 $ept 2000
$entul $elatan
Hares: Tommy Leigh Jonesy, Dixon of Leigh Green
Pre-run
drivel
As on every monday, this run was preceded by the usual drivel of hares telling us to follow white paper, HM fruitlessly searching for new shoes, and garbled speech from Baldsey telling us something about a fuck up late in the run. Slobs Turner, Returning Stirstik and Bemo Bobby clearly weren't going to run anywhere and guffawed, swilled and smoked as the athletes limbered up. These cunts were totally pissed by the time the first FRB got back at about 6pm to their Muppet like quips about the run couldn't have been laid by Jonesy who has never been capale of walking for an hour let alone running.Very fucking funny chaps. Ho fucking ho.
Weather.
Fucking awful. Strong wind from the due north. .....so why did that big bastard black cloud scoot up from the south and piss down on us all?
Discrepancies.(and meaningless stats)
The JH3 Hash Cash list faxed to me which states in typed letters "Prepared by some aquaphobic little Turkiush runt" 2000/5/15 (huh?) is a fucking masterpiece of Hashfukkup. Leigh Dixon is listed twice as member no 30 and 202. The tight bastard only paid once, so he should only be credited with one run this week. Most of the other members listed are long dead or at least gone;Pitman, Sowter,Beebe, Roberts,Findlay, Clark, Sutcliffe to name just a few. Who are we trying to impress with this list cluttered with ex hash souls? (Stirstik commented that he didnt see a single new fucking face after
being away for years) One runner is denoted on the sheet as a "Q'.........In guess statistically there must be at least one"Q" on every hash. On ours it looks like we have at least 2 as Tony Walker is a self confessed "Q" boy. What the fuck is a :"Q" Ilham?
The sheet correctly calculates 33 hashers in total gave fees received of 990,000.. This is strange in itself as Tom Jones disgracefuly slandered that nice Mr Sadist by accusing him of not paying and then libelled him by writing N.P. next to the poor chap's name.If he didn,t pay, how come the figures total correctly? It then lists expenditures totalling Rp 490,000. It then gives a grand total of Rp1,080,000. Huh? Dont give up your day job, Ilham. Anyway, I dont think Jacques ever received his Rp 10,000 change from his generous, if drunkenly impetuous, sponsorship of a barrel. (His quip about only sponsoring the barrel, not the beer was pathetic.) Thanks anyway, Jacques! Drunken Jacques also paid Sukardi Rp10,000 for 2 soggy cigarettes.
The
run part.A righty.
While the idiotic pack headed off down the tol road, the more sensible of us headed for the big bridge across the gorge which is getting a bit ricketty. Not even bothering to check the mindlessly easy early checks, we headed out across some nice country with wannabee Triathlete Leeky , Cheesyballs and Zoodie and the Blowjobs trying to outdo each other as Numero Uno FRB.
Anyway, Zoodies steroids must have worn off too soon as I passed him wheezing towards the on in muttering something about a stitch and then giving me a boring fucking lecture on the medical resons for his lack of athletic prowess.Its called old age,Jan.
The pack was kept reasonably tightly together until the slippery diagonal sloping bamboo bridge slowed things down. The hares are too brain dead to realise that such obstacles require a fucking huge check on the other side to allow the back runners to catch up. Anyway, there wasn't one and we all got strung out.
The bridge totally freaked out Tom Jones and his desperate pleading bleats of "one at a time...PLEASE !!!!!" echoed around the gorge. Ilham was about 10th in the queue and he was obviously afraid that some fat bastard would break the bridge before he got to it leaving him with the terrifying prospect of having to wade through a 3cm deep torrent.
Apologies. This scribe has just realised that he appears to be having lots of jabs at Ilham in this sheet. This is entirely unintentional. Ilham is a very nice man and close personal friend, so I wont mention the ugly little runt nor the bulging vein on his bald forehead again this week.
Anyway, the run wound through some nice country. If not at all new, it was at least pleasant until it got dark and some of the slower runners complained about fucked up paper in dark kampongs. Anyway, it certainly wasn't a hash shit and I dont remember that nice Mr Herpes nor his "fellow hashers " voting it one.
Mr Carter earnestly reported that it hadn't been a bad run for him as ninety odd hashers had passed him. This guy is a pervert. Imagine getting your kicks by the number of hashers past you. I wonder at what point the number of hashers passing him arouses him to the point where he begins to masturbate? I wonder if "Q" is Carter?
Most of us got back in just over an hour to be greeted by the guffawing drunken BemoGadgetStick trio who had by now been joined by Superbrat in his Pyjamas who also never ran anywhere.
The damp
circle
Crop bashing cunt of the week , co-RA Bloodstain was correctly iced for the serious crimes of (1)the worst case of crop bashing ever seen on a Monday Hash as witnessed by Tarzan and this scribe and (2) for not stopping the rain.which drove away most of the 33 runners early incliuding this scribe who was simply too fucking cold. Tough here in the freezing tropics eh?
Poor old HM Herpes had
a hard time being overheard above the rain and incessant inane ramblings
af Louis Lane and Mad Jacques who has definitely gone troppo after being in
Africa for so long. He has gone bald, looks a bit gay, (perhaps he is
"Q"). still smokes like a chimney,still talks like he is permanently
pissed, still smiley and funny old Jaques........ He needs to come back here
for some rehabilitation.
We miss you Jaques, but shut the fuck up once in a while.
Elephant Man whinged about recalcitrant hares Dr Jerker and
rambling Turner.
Luckily for this temp scibe, only Turner was iced for failing to keep our
promise to lay a run on the 18th.......this slot is now filled by the
magnanimous Mr Cheese balls.
Nick Leeson smoked nervously and kept a low profile looking worried that Jonesy's antics might bestow a hash shit on him after all. Bolty,Angie , Sadist and that self congratulory Cloggy wanker of an ex- scribe were rewarded with the traditional nectar for hanging around too near the Bir truk.
Some tall visitor chap staggered on in at about 7pm and met
with the usual compassionate welcome from my fellow hashers who had been
fretting about his welfare and safety all alone there out in the dark and
rain..............like fuck......silly cunt.
Anyway, having somehow got quickly pissed enough to volunteer to be temp scribe,
I promptly left.
Apparently the rain continued and drove away all but about 10 stalwarts. So it was hats off and pots on the floor and ononon to Mr Juicy.
Jaques staggered into the Klub totally pissed at about 12. Muttering something about long time since he bought satay for the "girls"
"Er, Its traditional innit?"
Next
weeks run instructions.
As dictated to me over the phone by gadget, so dont blame me if they are wrong.
Run 1654, Mon 11 Sept, 5pm
Point to point
Hares Witless wanker and Mudguard or vice versa.
Cross the south ring road a Cilandak commercial estate.Continue down Jl. KKN (formerlyKKO) Go left into the one way system, right and then right again into Jl Paso towards a place that sounded like Cianjur.....or was it Cibubur?
Before Matoa golf, turn right into runsite. Approx 6km from ring road
Sorry I wont be there, I got to work in Pattaya. Tough in the tropics eh?
See y'all soon
love Dr Jerker
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