Jakarta Hash House Harriers
Scribe
Sheet Run 1659
HASHSHIT
HOLDERS: Cheeseballs & Leeky Dick
(run 1656)
Statistics: Members 35, New Members/Visitors 7. Total
42. Site: Bukit Rafflesia
So what happened to our fearless Germany comrades when it came to celebrating the felling of the Berlin wall, the decommissioning of Check Point Charlie and the reunification with their poor eastern brothers. Well the bottom line is they forgot about it. Our HM Herpes was nowhere to be seen having flown back to the Motherland to have his Leaderhosen adjusted whilst Go Block M, who was at least present in body, was obviously suffering from senile dementia. So who would the German’s bring off the Hare bench as substitutes? Well, the best they could come up with was that Sadistic Brit. Sadist and a flash happy Canadian, Next Week.
Things got off to a brisk start with the stand-in HM Bolt-1-on reminding everyone that he had an “eagle” this weekend (…makes a change from a “secretary”)!
Bolt-1-on announced that there were 42 runners, the highest number this year (or had Tom Jones been on the “sauce” again). Everyone tried to take credit for the high turnout from Bolty, to the hares, to E Man who might have been the HM right down to the Anchor beer boys. However, maybe the real credit should go to the advertising policy in the Jakarta post, referring to the Hash as a jolly pucker “Cross Country Running Club” conjuring thoughts of delightful canapés and light refreshment afterwards. Another cucumber sandwich anyone?
Announcements
Hash Crash. Details of this Mudguard/Nick Leeson sponsored event are sketchy but there will be a police escort and the event with start at level B2 in the Stock Exchange car park.
With a little prompting from Bolty, Clark Kent gave a “glowing” account of the Mount Bromo run (again). Bolty thanked him and asked whether anyone had heard about his Eagle ….
And so to the run discussion, which in fact was longer than the run itself. In general, the comments were surprisingly complimentary but bland; Holy Joop, Postponed, Tommy the Who, Mandy and Pretty Boy all thought it a “goooood ruuuuun”. To be honest I didn’t agree having finished in just 20 minutes due to stumbling across the “in-trail” on the “out trail”. …I demand a refund! Fat chance! Zulu Warrior excavator Brave Fart, thought it was a tampon of a run since all the arrows were pointing the wrong way (ie going against the flow). The police boys spotted a lot of razor wire on the run. They are currently holding two-unclaimed penises for observation following accidents on said wire. If anyone is “a bit short”, call Nick Leeson to reclaim yours before it shrivels up. To wrap up Bolt-1-on declared it a fuckin’ good run.
So what about the hash board Mandy? A weekly question for the last 12 months but low and behold a new board appears. To show appreciation for this sterling effort it was only right to ice the bastard.
Koncrete Kock was pleading poverty again because he has spent all his dosh at the Other Olympics (for sexually depraved dirty old fornicators). KK claimed it was the best Olympics ever (but he was a bit vague on medal winners). Will the Greek’s do such a good job in 2004 Tom Jones? “No, they will fuck it up”. Fair enough. As a momento of the trip, KK bought a Union Jack flag but found nothing to wave it at apart from some little choirboys. Sweeties anyone?
For some reason Bolty (did I tell you about my eagle) came in for a lot of stick. Like most of us, MudGuard is seriously unhappy when the mother-in-law comes to stay but Herb is ecstatic….. no wonder, his mother-in-law is twenty years his junior and far more amenable. But in his favour, you wouldn’t call Bolty stupid. No. No? Well don’t forget that’s how the Rope’s 8 year daughter described him when he tried to chat her up.
Elephant Man was in a panic when he spotted the HM’s Horn down the back of Bolt-1-on’s shorts, nuzzling firmly between his buttocks. DISRESPECT FOR THE HOLY HORN! Next weeks HM E Man volunteered that there was no way he was putting his fucking lips around that again (or the horn for that matter). Some serious disinfectant and a few inoculations are called for.
Achievers Corner
Step forward 250 run achiever Holy Joop. The Holy git flagrantly disregarded etiquette and took off his newly acquired tee shirt for which he was rightly iced and then Ice Pailed. Brilliant! Holy then replaced his own wet cloths with the dry ones his driver was wearing. Let’s hope Joop remembered to change back again before he got home otherwise his wife would have been in for a surprise (or maybe not)! Number 2 achiever was the nameless Welsh 10 run man referred to provisionally as the Bulgarian Shirt Lifter.
Magic Dragon’s singing was full of the usual pelvic thrusts and energetic hand motions; he even got everyone to sing to that topical Batavia hit “We all droned in a yellow submarine”.
The Hare’s then did their best to entertain us. Good joke from Next Week, again old clueless Bolty was the brunt of it and Sadist regaled us with a lively Lilly the Pink. Then it was pots on the floor and be accountable for pissing on your own account at Café Bandul. (Scribe GG)
I know it is stupid to encourage him but after the abuse Herb took on Monday night it seems only fair that we allow him to tell us the “eagle” story that none of us wants to hear (again and again).
Herb’s Story
“ It was a hot Sunday morning at Riverside Golf Course. Angie had organised a Texas Scramble for 16 wannabe hash golfers. In my team there was Gay Gordon, Poison, myself and for the ladies, Lasmini, in a distracting pair of see-through shorts. On the par 4, 13th hole we were 183 yards out from the pin after a splendid drive from Last Minute. I played my shot and drilled the ball slightly to the left of the green (intentionally of course) to avoid the bunkers and come in off the left bank onto the green (course management my son!). I knew it was in the h. … I mean, I knew it was a good shot as soon as I struck it. However, because we could not see the green from where we were, we did not see where the ball spotted. When we arrived at the green, amazingly there was no sign of my ball anywhere. We searched all through the grass, the bunkers, the trees and I even checked the ball boys pockets but nothing! Still feeling a bit miffed, I then played the third, an inspired shot, that took us to within 3 feet of the pin (again more delirious chapping from the cheerleader). Gay Gordon removed the pin to allow Lasmini to “putt out” but there was already a ball in the hole! It took a few seconds for me to check the ball, but sure enough it was my original ball! There was a huge roar (just like at Augusta) from all my playing mates for my EAGLE 2 … it was like being Lee Trevino (no he’s too old)… I mean Tiger Woods. “I knew it, I knew it, I knew it” .. I shouted punching the air … “Yes,Yes,Yes”. It was a truly a great shot. 183 YARDs down hill to a blind green .. getting longer by the minute. Lasmini was VERY impressed. I’m sure she thinks there is no end to my talents” Bolt-One-on