SCRIBE’S REPORT Run 1664 Date November 6 2000 Hares Herpes & Witless Wanker

Statistics: Members 35, New Members 1, Visitors 5. Total 41. Site: Bogor Service Station

19 ANKERS

Another triumphant evening on JHHH. He flashed round the run with a speed that dazzled even athletes among the pack; he solved all the checks first, leading home the rest of the pack in his wake. In the circle his wit, lightening responses and melodious renditions of classic songs earned him the praise of all the assembled hashers. How could it be any other way, everyone loves Boltoneon, or Lavender as he insists his many close friends call him; people came from far and wide just to see him. As he approached home he was prepared for what would greet him. Now he was close enough to confirm that, as every night, hundreds of incredibly attractive young girls were surrounding his house and would attempt to ambush him and drag him to bed just so they could tell their friends they too had experienced the Great Lover as he was known over the whole of Indonesia. As he alighted from his car he chose 20 of them, he always chose 20 a night, not because he couldn’t manage more than 20 but because he was a modest man and did not wish to appear greedy. He would spend the next 4 or 5 hours sexually satisfying them all before they would all fall into a deep, pleasant, sleep in his Super Gigantic King Sized bed. In the morning he would resume his highly successful job brokering major industrial deals.

Pop - reality check

How can the reality and the delusion be so far apart, how can he live in a fantasy world so far off scale no one can connect with it? The problem lies with Viagra. As reported recently in that respected medical journal, The Jakarta Post, Viagra draws blood away from the brain. If large quantities are consumed – lack of oxygen results in permanent brain damage usually manifested as delusions of a fit, slim, handsome self. We are not suggesting that boltoneon is a fat, geriatric, balding, incontinent and impotent old tosser who wheezes his way round with the short cutters who he follows because he cannot work out where to go, even if it is true, we would never slander him in this way (sentence approved by Fanny & Bravefart of Sue, Grabit &Run).

In part 2 of our 10 part story find out how bolty became a viagra addict as a consequence of the meglomaniac plan which resulted in him becoming HM……..but at a terrible price for him………..and us.

Herb – I’m afraid the money you transferred to my account was insufficient to prevent publication of part 1 it was not Rp. 50 Juta but 50 Miliar – please transfer outstanding balance to prevent publication of even more shocking second installment TurdScribe.

SINKONG, SINGKONG, SINGKONG

Beautiful, naked teenage girls. Long, silky, glossy black hair falling over large swollen breasts with pert erect nipples. Sensuous pouting lips and bright, shining “come-to-bed” eyes. This is what hares are obliged to provide if they lay paper through mandi spots; not some toothless ancient old man scrubbing his bollocks in a muddy ditch. On these grounds alone the run should have been a hashit. This horrific sight half way round was however at least a respite from the endless singkong. Singkong on hills, singkong in valleys. Baby singkong, singkong nurseries, young singkong, mature singkong, old singkong, short singkong and tall singkong, singkong sticks, singkong factories. Finally the endless singkong began to take its toll on the hounds and singkong fever spread rapidly through the pack. Surely the hares would not have laid the entire run in singkong. Surely it had to do something interesting or unexpected like go under the toll road. Anything but the relentless expanse of singkong. But no, the cruel plan of the hares slowly became apparent and with that terrible realisation grown men broke down and threw themselves onto any path to escape the dreaded plant. After 30 minutes 20 souls had already succumbed to the fever and were thrashing about in a vain attempt to extract themselves from the singkong fields. Angie, Crusty Nuts, Pretty Boy, The Rope, MGM, Rubber Turd, Tarzan and Boltoneon to name some of the more expendable had broken down and headed off paper to seek respite. The rest of the pack were initially held together by lots of good checks but gradually the singkong got to them as well. Colonel Bloodkock and Bravefart preferred to head down a tarmac road and run back along the toll to the gruesome alternative of yet more singkong. A check back and suddenly Gay Gordon had the fever, so confused in the singkong that he headed back down the trail he had just run on shouting “on-on”. In vain did the surviving souls Superbrat, Leeky Dick and Mudguard try to get them on the correct trail as Gay Gordon led the remaining remnant of the pack back down the way they had just come.

By the time the circle started the pack had regained its composure but seemed reluctant to criticize the hares. Clark Cunt, Fanny, Postponed, Konkrete Kock, John Bastard and GoBlokM declared it a fair effort, although at least the latter three admitted there was not much paper, or singkong?, where they were. Inspector Gadget who had pulled off a fiendishly clever short cut by walking the 25m from his car directly to the beer truck, thus cutting off the part of the run with singkong in it, declared it a shit of a run. Tom Jones thought it too right wing (Austrian politics). It was left to MM Angie to give the correct verdict in his down down address to the hares “a Bog Standard Boring Old Fart of a run”.

NOTHING RHYMES WITH SINGKONG

Elephant Man was so happy that he was made HM for the night he declared it a “fucking nightmare”. However EM did a fine job; like many JM’s before him he showed that it’s easy to get the announcements and run discussion over in around 30 minutes. The secret is to cut out the crap i.e. ignore Boltoneon and Tarzan – this saves at least 20 minutes alone. Witless Wanker’s comment about run numbers was likewise quickly dispatched “if we want wrong run numbers we’ll have wrong numbers”. The returners were an interesting bunch Inspector Gadget, At the Loo, Bemo Bob, Rubber Turd and a wizened old man that looked like Skinhead with AIDS. Visitors included Adrian Boltoneon, the Gold Coast Chopper and Dick from Brisbane, yes they are all queers together. The hapless Clark Cunt was paraded again before us as still a new member after what seems like an eternity….shurely shome mishtake OnSex?

RA Cheeseballs was still feeling disorientated and started his speech “Bata…” at which point Witless leapt up and down. In an attempt to regain control of the rabble the RA requested WW to sit on ice. Your scribe can still recall how Witless complied. It is totally untrue that his face went a rather exotic shade of the colour puce, the veins in his head did not bulge dangerously, he did not kick the ice so hard it crashed into the RA’s legs before heading out of the circle and so it was not necessary to phone the on-on restaurant and warn them to hide all the plates.

MM Angie gave us the story of the Lobster and guest MM At the Loo the Sexual Life of the Camel. Witless as co-hare sang something around the tune of the German national anthem about the JHHH mismanagement and later Clark Cunt gave the proper version. Herpes told us a joke in place of the hares song – the story of the Nigerian lady visiting what sounded like the “Jean O’Kologist”, presumably the Clapologist, who opens her up and then parades his family in to check out whether that red leather upholstery really would look good in the black BMW. This brought Cheeseballs back in to pick up on mixed race relations as reported in the Jakarta Post. Superbrat received his 400 run mug and after much pleading by the circle graced us with a repeat rendition of 19 Ankers. Despite his best efforts to persuade them that it was not important they still wanted to know what the tune was. Colonel Bloodknock received his 550 run mug and Jonesy may have even got a photo of the achievers, or then again not. A marathon joke telling session followed with contributions from Bravefart, Bloodclot, Inspector Gadget, Fanny and Clark Cunt. In recognition of their fine performance they received the “Big One” to share between them which brought the circle to a close.

AFTER 19 ANKERS

The on-on was at Para Para and your scribe fully intended going there, unfortunately he fell asleep in the car before telling his driver and therefore the automatic pilot was not disengaged and he woke up in Blok M.

Superbrat TURD SCRIBE

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