JH3 MILITARY MANEUVRES

SCRIBE’S REPORT Run 1670 Date 11^th December 2000 Hares Superbrat & Witless Wanker

Statistics: Members 28, New Members 3, Wizitors 0. Total 31. Site: P->P to Bakosurtanal

THE RUN: Saved By The Cavalry

Well, there I was late again, stuck in the most horrendous traffic jam, headed the wrong way up Gatot Subroto, with only 50 minutes to get to the run site. My smart arse driver was once again looking for that illusive needle in the haystack … the 4pm Monday short cut in the middle of Ramadan. However, low and behold the cavalry were on hand (well at least the Indonesian military) to save the day. Just as all hope of reaching the hash site on time was fading, the seas of macet sekali suddenly parted, and a platoon of police and military outriders led 6 bus loads of Indonesia’s finest Khaki clad warriors past the masses. At this moment, my driver, feeling the urge to become a conscript or at least get us locked up, latched onto the last vehicle in the convoy and tail-gated the convoy all the way to Cibubur. So thanks to the military, my life was saved…. Well at least temporarily reprieved.. unlike many fellow travelers. But as exciting as tail gating the military is, the best bit was flying past a stranded Tom Jones in his supped up Beemer. Rock on Tommy! Aye, a traffic jam is a great leveler but as usual you need the military to really fuck things up … right Tarzan?. Well all’s well in love and war, so they say … which must be true as I arrived 10 minutes before the harassed looking Galippoli veteran, Tom Jones. But what of the other military twists …fire away!

THE CIRCLE: The Military Parade Ground

What no Herpes, What no Bolt1on, What no Elephant Man. Who will possibly fill the breach? Well none other than that stiff upper lipped Welsh infantry Colonel Bloodknot. So Tarzan, how did the Jihad military raids go at the Salsa Bar and Pasir Putih at the weekend? As usual he didn’t have anything coherent to say but he had a nice new stash of mobiles and a big wad of rupes. How about the other black ninjas Pretty Boy and Go Block M, are you ready to be down downed for going AWOL in Kamang? Yes Sir!

Then there were returners, leavers, inners and outters but by 6.35pm, something of a record for the long winded bad pipes normally running the circle, the circle was passed over to that toothless, tuneful wonder, Magic Dragon (those were his plastic falsies on the table weren’t they?)

THE RUN DISCUSSION: Military Justice Indonesian Style

Bring in the defendants Superbrat and Witless. So what would the cannon fodder hashers make of this run? Jungle Fucker thought it was half a fantastic run (not sure what happened to the other half)! Mudguard was in reflective mood “great area to run in … occasionally”. Vatican Rag, that Santa lookalike, jumped up down on the bridge just to check it wasn’t the “Bridge Too Far” for the JH3 pack. Fortunately it wasn’t, but we may have found a new parade ground exercise! Dr Jerker thought the Jihad military had missed an opportunity and the Hash should ambush a few street sellers, trash a few Warungs and bars, not to mention the Grand Hyatt and Tommy’s Mulia hotel. After so many “good” comments, Angie as usual broke ranks and blamed the Hares for everything from the traffic to the full moon. Nick Leeson and Leeky joined forces .. if I’d known this was a Witless run I won’t have come … if I’d known this was a Superbrat run …and so on and so on. In his summation, the military attaché, Colonel Bloodknot said it was a majority decision (but there may have to be a manual recount), considering that everyone had the chance to be in front and that the Bridge Too Far at the end was just far enough for most…. Good Run!

THE COURT MARSHALL - Major BraveFart to the Rescue

RA Cheeseballs was caught in dereliction of duty for going AWOL in the ring when he was most needed. Sentence will be 3 DDs. Thankfully a military coupe was at hand. Major BraveFart flounced into the parade circle at 6.55pm making all sorts of pathetic excuses for being late ... my compass wasn’t working, my tank got stuck in the sawa and that lying bastard of a Hare, Witless said it was a short and easy run … not a marine combat course. As punishment he was ordered to bungey jump without a rope off the bridge … and he would have done it too, not being one to quibble with an order. Fortunately he accepted the reprieve of standing in for the RA. Uh-oh.

Welcome back Rabeye … aye … but what are Magic Dragon’s teeth doing on the table? Repetition! …down down.

Bolt1on was apparently next weeks Hare but no one seemed to have a combat suit of a clue where he was or whether the Viagra (or a scorned secretary) had finally caught up with the sexually over-active one.

Major Bilko BraveFart

A stickler for punishment whether warranted or not .. BraveFart soon let the down downs fly.

His wife (Dr Doolittle), contrary to her name, had been standing in for Dr Boodie this week and had been finding out about some of the afflictions the JH3 pack. Not surprisingly Pretty Boy was a budding sex maniac and had a liking for drawing dirty pictures. And Vatican Rag was worried about sleeping with his clients … which is worrying because he is a vet.

Then it was on to a little military bashing of the nations. The Dutch, Germans, Yanks and Aussies all came in for abuse. The only complementary characteristic was that of the Scots “ we’re not f…...g English” (well who the f…k are you f….g then?).

And so it was on to some singing with VR leading the charge of the aging choir brigade in the 20 days of Christmas. Then there was the Hare’s songs .. the less said about Witless’s tuneless wonder (but it was deliberate … that’s no excuse) the better. Then the Hare Superbrat attempted to demonstrate that 19 Ankers was based on that classic (that nobody has heard about) “My Sharona” .. all we can surmise is that he is not only tone deaf (oh yes he is!) but he thinks the rest of us have the IQ of a Gnat. Lets hope there are a few more contenders for song of the year otherwise we might be hearing a lot more about Cindy Crawford not rhyming with anything!

And then it was pots on the parade ground floor, marching on the stop, and on-on to Mr Juicy’s …yum yum.

Scribe Gay Gordon

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