Jakarta Hash House Harriers
Scribe
Sheet Run 1674
HASHSHIT HOLDERS: Bolty, Mudguard and Nick Leeson (run 1666)
SCRIBE’S REPORT Run 1674 Date 8th January
2001 Hares
Jackoff & Tarzan
Statistics: Members 33, New Members 4, Wizitors 0.
Total 37. Site: RM
Ikan Bakar, Cimanggis
Hello there Holy Joop here. That
lazy bastard Superbrat was yet again too busy to write the sheet and rudely
interrupted my short 26 week annual Alpine skiing holiday (not to be confused
with my annual 26 week Mediterranean beach holiday) after a mere 16 weeks to
ask me to help out. Indeed I do make huge sacrifices for my beloved JHHH whose
presence I have graced with at least 3 appearances over the last year or so.
Yet I know my adoring fans are gagging for another sheet penned by the greatest
ever scribe. Delayed pleasure that’s the secret. It’s the same with my wife; I
only fuck her once every 20 weeks so that she is so desperate for it that she
doesn’t notice my 3 inch dick. Talking of small pricks our honorable most
respected HM Herpes was absent yet again. As stand in HM Elephant Man said “the
New Members have probably never seen him and the Regulars have forgotten what
he looks like”. To remind us of the great mans appearance Tom Jones, Inspector
Gadget, Sadist, Superbrat & Klark Kunt were brought in and it was declared
that the missing HM was a mixture of these; so he must me a skinny, pot
bellied, balding, blind cunt of indeterminate height. As you probably know
German is just a plebian dialect of the great Dutch language, spoken by our
much loved peasant Austrian-German cousins. So I can translate the message
received from his adoring fans on JHHH and tell him that hey Blode Fotze, du
verdammter Arschflicker come back and do your job or mach es dir selber you
Wichser.
The rain that had started as we headed
off on the run, and was to continue throughout the night, quite rightly
resulted in the severe icing of RA colonel Bloodnock whose abilities to attract
large downpours are now legendary. Returners Fanny, Dr. Jerker, The Rope,
Jackoff, Superbrat, Sadist, Tommy the Who (or should that now be Tommy the
Where), Inspector Gadget and last but not least Sonny Harsono were all given a
drink to celebrate their return. The New Members would also have been given a
drink but they were still out or had gone home. Bolty was keen to demonstrate
that, contrary to popular opinion, his intellect is not rivaled by that of
garden tools, and so he brought to our attention the facts that Indonesia was
suffering from lots of political problems and even bigger economic problems. He
therefore urged all hashers to help to uplift the economy by advertising in the
Yearbook.
Tarzan’s announcement was even
better “Bali please you give me Rp.300,000 until next week Rp.400,000”.
Obviously Tarzan was the translator of the footnotes in the giveaway diary
provided by sponsor Yoshi (Thanks
Yoshi) where the perfectly reasonable Indonesian phrase “sedia payung seblum
hujan” is translated as “bring supply when you go”!! Maaandi has also obviously
been using Indonesian software for the Hash Stats as his latest spreadsheet
distributed on Monday night calculates Mudguards Hares and Run Ratio as 7+12=2
and 350/19=64 respectively - durr what the fuck is going on there Maaandi?
What about the run verdict? Well
there was much to be thankful for, Angie was not MM, Witless didn’t turn up and
perhaps even better Zee Vaffle Myster HM Herpes was absent so the announcements
were only half the normal length. The run itself was of course in heavily
hashed territory. We had previously run every inch of this run on previous
outings so there was definitely nothing new, on the other hand it was fairly
competently laid and had some good checks. The run was fairly predictable but
the use of the country was for the most part good, although why the run went
straight through that vast expanse of red shit instead of on the nice path
around the top, followed by Angie, Superbrat and Leeky, was a bit of a mystery.
Leeky Dick thought it a “two bollocks of a run” referring to the plan view
perhaps or maybe to his feelings about it, we never found out because he pissed
off. Tom Jones, of course, thought it was fantastic and admired the “wonderful
new country”, obviously the Altzheimers is setting in. He did however point out
a major plus for the Hares; stand in HM Elephant Man had fallen over and broken
his horn. Fanny found the run not too boring. Angie felt it was a half-good
run. Yoshi thought it was “shit, shit and shit”. Elephant Man went out on a
limb and declared it a good run.
RA Bloodnock picked on Tom Jones
for eating deadly haram Ajinomoto pork enzyme grown MSG flavoured noodles. The
only absolution for this sin was to wash the taste away with some halal Holy
Anker. Dr. Jerker then dragged in the hapless Tom Jones yet again as “Ilham di
li lah” and sang a half composed ditty entitled “I’m burning bars tonight” to
the tune of “I’ve got the clap again”; keep working on it, it has excellent
potential.
On Monday Klark Kunt was stand in
Canadian Ambassador and had purloined the fancy ambassadorial car, which he
imprudently parked on the edge of the circle facilitating its use as a lavatory
wall. During the night we were thus able to sing “I’m a lumberjack and I’m OK,
I dress in women’s clothing and piss on ambassador’s cars”. This was infinitely better than the co-Hares
song “Burung Tarzan Hilang”, or something like that. This was sung by Sonny
Harsono who was accompanied by a man with breasts wearing a leopard skin
loincloth over some horrific looking yellowy, gray underpants which Inspector
Gadget kindly washed with a bucket of ice cold water. At least Jackoff made a
much better effort with the Hares Song a festive little number that went
something like “I’m dreaming of Juicy Lucy as I stroke my old man”. MM Magic
Dragon showed us how it was really done with a fine rendition of “I’ve got the
clap again”.
Angie Baby was iced for bringing
misery to countless millions by triggering the Asian Economic Crisis as a
result of doubling the run fees. He was on ice long enough to be renamed George
Sore-arse. Achievers mugs were awarded to Jackoff (100) and Tommy the Who
(200), congratulations to you both. RA Bloodclot shamefully allowed Jonesy to
escape a down-down he richly deserved as the pornographer who was distributing
the superb photos of the Gardner mooning of the incredible sunset seen at the
site 3 weeks earlier. This surely has to be the Yearbook cover, if ever anyone
sends Boltoneon any sponsorship money.
14 survivors enjoyed superb dead
fish and chicken at the excellent Rumah Makan Ikan Bakar Kalimantan. Thanks
hares for a good run and a good night out.
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