Jakarta Hash House Harriers
Scribe
Sheet Run 1673
HASHSHIT HOLDERS: Bolty, Mudguard and Nick Leeson (run 1666)
SCRIBE’S REPORT Run 1673 Date 1st January
2001
Hares Angie, Gay Gordon & Jonesy
Statistics: Members 17, New Members 1, Wizitors 6,
Ladies 8. Total 32.
Site: Parang (Outer Mongolia)
The Run : The first
and the best of the (real) New Millennium
There are not enough superlatives to describe this, the best run of the new millennium (and that’s the view of three totally unbiased hares who are also the scribes). Where to begin? Well the location was very appropriate for the dawning of a new millennium being on a completely unmolested, virgin site (i.e. in the middle of f-----g nowhere). Magic Dragon, he with a memory like an elephant, vaguely thought we had done a run here before (well he always says that) but his credibility was in doubt having killed off a fair share of his brain cells the previous night. Were there any other notable aspects to the run? Well of course. There was the length of the run directions (longer than a normal hash sheet), the number of flags used to direct everyone to the site (11in all) and then there was the hallowed turf. Not a lot of people know this but the hares had (inadvertently) found the mystical source of the Monas turf. So after years of intrepid exploration, this Indonesian Holy Grail has been found and subsequently named Angieland. Interestingly, this turf has the same magical attraction as the Monas turf to attract hoards of local people to it (or maybe it is just the smell of sweaty bodies + beer that attracted them). So what other revelations were in store?
The Circle: The green
green grass of …Monas?
The circle opened with Herpes having to make a quick executive decision to address the absence of scribe and RA. Ok GG you’re scribe (and co-hare? What an opportunity! ) and some unfortunate sandbagger from Dubai was elected RA.
The circle was somewhat of a make shift affair with the beer truck and Suladi being replaced by Angie's picnic table, a few cooler boxes and cans of the amber nectar.
KK and the hares sponsored some whiskey and Saki for the evening, which was most unfortunate, because only the HM had a driver. So the rest of us could only drool as the HM downed glass after glass of the free booze and we were left to ponder over what might have been if this had been any other Monday night.
Herpes was in a surprisingly good mode considering that Bolt, had broken his swimming pool the previous night …. well Herp was certainly smiling when he iced the bastard!
Bolty was later introduced to one of his Viagra induced offspring (a cute little kid) and was joined by KK with his offspring (a cute little puppy) for a photo call. Someone should really have a word with Dr Boodie and tell him to be more careful with his prescriptions in future!
Run Comments :
marvelous, superb fantastic …
Bring in the hares Angie, Gay Gordon and a reluctant Jonsey. So gentlemen, what of the run? LickerClit banged on about the lack of camels, Arabs and cacti but apart from that the Dubai traveler conceded it was a good run. The German contingent liked the scenery but true to their culture of being sticklers for the rules, suggested that it was a Hash Shit because the Beer Truck could be seen from the run. They obviously had bionic vision because the real beer truck was parked some 40 clicks away in a garage in Depok! An unmentionable or two also had glowing comments on the run so it was just left to the HM to declare it an (super-duper, hum-dinger of an) excellent run … the best of the new millennium.
Announcements:
Next weeks run is being done by John Kambuan.
Yes, of course there will be a Pan Indo Hash this year (in September) … so look forward to further reminders from Tarzan.
And yes Jonesy will get off his proverbial, and organize the golf sometime this millennium.
The RA From Yorkshire!?
LickerClit, a former member of JH3, picked up where he apparently left off by victimising two former friends (I was too sober to remember who they were).
Go blookM, and two others were pulled into the circle and Herpes was asked to guess what they had in common. “They are all cunts” … good answer and probably correct but not the one LickerClit was looking for. In fact these sorry characters were all wearing Yorkshire day memorabilia for some perverse reason ... how very untraditional on new years day!
LickerClit was a bit perturbed because only one lamp was working. The hares were asked what the problem was. According to Angie the lamp suffered from the same problem as LickerClit’s sex life …. it suffered from a damp wick. What’s your prognosis Dr Jonesy … “no wick at all” … but what about the lamp ?… yeah I agree with Angie.
It was time to bring in the Hares. Gay Gordon demonstrated again (with little assistance from Jonesy) why he will never be considered for MM. Angie on the other hand did a passable imitation of a 2nd rate nightclub singer.
A rather subdued Tarzan was given a monumental award … a 750 run mug.
Then to bring the evening to a close, the best songs of the night were sung by Magic Dragon warning of the pitfalls of the little blue pills followed by a blatant code 6 violation by a Crusty Nut and LickerClit duet.
Eventually it was pots on the hallowed grass and swinging lowly into the moonlight. The on on? Well there wasn’t one, just a long trek back to Jakarta.
Scribe
: Gay Gordon
EXTRA, EXTRA …. READ
ALL ABOUT IT
New Year / New
Millennium Resolutions
Having dug into the deepest septic pits known to man (i.e. the minds of the JH3 hashers) and interrogated, bribed or black mailed their wives, mistresses, daughters and other favoured objects of their lust, I can now proudly reveal the New Year resolutions of your fellow Hashers. Here goes;
Herpes intends to improve his command abuse of the
queen’s English (and his abuse of the Lithuanian harbour master)
Angie intends to consolidate his position as “the most hated man in hash history”, so look out.
Bolt-1-on plans to give up smoking, drinking, scorned secretaries, little blue pills and 8.30pm dates on Monday nights
Elephant Man plans to change his crusty green shorts at least once this millennium
Koncrete Kock plans to stop chasing little boys…. and start catching them!
Nick Leeson promises umbrellas, umbrellas and more umbrellas!
MudGuard will figure out what nationality he is (you mongrel!)
Crusty Nuts is seeking a new footwear sponsor as his Reebok yellow zipper slippers are doing nothing for his sex appeal on the 5 plus 1!
Rabeye plans to teach us how to lift blocks of ice with ones buttocks!
Next Week promises to master the hash flash (and I don’t mean Jonsey!)
Clark Kunt plans to model something other than parachute shorts
CheeseBalls is going to learn a new song called “ice blocks keep sticking to my bum” (to the tune of “rain drops keep falling on my head”)
SheepsKin plans to control his craving for lamb
Tom Jones will try to convince us that the Greeks will not “f—k up” the next Olympics
Charlie the Where plans to give himself up … if and when it suits him
Jonesy will attempt to get his 10 RUN T-shirt (not easy for a dedicated walker)
Pretty
Boy is planing a proper hash hi-jacking this year
The Rope hopes to be less tied up at the office and enjoy his kinky past times elsewhere in future
Tarzan plans to cause more “f---king trouble” by becoming the most incoherent HM in hash history
Magic Dragon plans to offer us Viagara at least once a week (the song that is!)
Witless plans to be even more of a self-abuser than last year
Superbrat
plans to find something that rhymes with Cindy Crawford (bow wow wow) and a
tune for “19 Ankers”
Holy Joop plans to be more humble (not easy when you are so perfect!)
GoBlockM is going to become even more sartorially elegant than last year (leaderhosen perhaps?)
Fanny will look for more stimulating intellectual conversation on his odd forays to Block M
Leeky Dick is planning a magical mystery tour
Dr Jerker will get some new headgear
Inspector Gadget plans to expand his joke repertoire from 3 to 4
Dripper promises not to tell us every time Man United wins (fat chance)
Vatican Rag plans to introduce a new fitness video for BIG people who like to jump up and down on bridges
MGM plans to buy a mountain bike to go with his leggings
Jungle Fucker plans more expeditions to places no body wants to go to!
KK plans to give up fondling little dogs … before they enjoy it too much
Colonel Bloodnock plans to slacken his military bearing (the one just above the bolt on his neck)
BraveHeart promises more abuse for all those who claim to be “not f-----g Scottish”!
Gay Gordon vows to give up public singing (until the next time)
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