Jakarta Hash House Harriers
Scribe
Sheet Run 1679
HASHSHIT HOLDERS: B-1-on, Mudguard, Nick Leeson (Run 1666)
SCRIBE’S REPORT
Run: 1679 Monday: February 12, 2001
Hares: Dr. Jerker
Site: Cimanggis
Statistics: VR-rating 70
The Latest News: Bolt-One-On Apologizes
Last Wednesday morning at 10 hrs I visited B-1-on in his house and what I saw
was not pretty. I saw a depressed Bolty looking even older for his years than
normally. I got worried especially when I discovered that he was still sober
and it was already 10 A.M. “What is the matter Bolty?” I asked. He did not
answer and pointed to a big hand written sign on his fridge, stating: “No more
Alcohol”. “Why that Bolty?” “It is a long story Holy. It all happened yesterday
(Tuesday Jan. 30-redaction). I was in the airport in Surabaya waiting for the
flight back to Jakarta as I wanted to be back in time for the mis-management
meeting that evening in Akbar Palace. I was sitting in the business lounge and
my Dutch genes forced me to down as much free booze as possible. First 12 cans
of beer, after this I felt a bit light in the head, so I decided to dilute this
with half a bottle of Whiskey. In the plane I drank the other half and got into
an argument with the stewardess, who claimed that a blow-job was not part of
the Garuda service. I never fly those fuckers again.” I replied: “Bolty, so far
a normal day of your life, so what makes you so miserable?” “Holy, it started
when I arrived at the mis-management meeting, where I insulted all member.” “So
what, who cares” I said. “But Holy, I also insulted…” Here his voice stopped,
he could not utter the word. I feared for the worse, this couldn’t be true.
“Bolty” I said, “you didn’t insult the ….” Even I couldn’t say the word. This
couldn’t be true, I started to sweat and wanted to close my ears, I couldn’t
face the terrible truth. “Bolty, you did also insult our ….???” Bolty nodded,
yes, no words were needed, we understood the terrible thing what happened.
Bolty had done the worst thing a hasher could do, he had insulted our beloved Hash-master. Bolty could forget his future career with the hash. “It is all the fault of the booze Bolty”, I said. “I am glad that it is not my fault” Bolty replied, “and that is the reason why I put up the sign of ‘no more alcohol’ because this has to stop”. I was flabbergasted, and needed a drink and poured myself a strong whiskey. “Take one too, Bolty”. “I cannot” he said with tears in his eyes while pointing to the ‘no more alcohol’ sign. But after I half finished my glass his strong character surfaced and he stood up took a big marker, blacked out the ‘no more’ words and replaced this by ‘not too much’ so now there stood “not too much alcohol”. “I can live with this, Holy, ‘not too much’ looks also good but is very flexible, because ‘how much is too much?” he said with a sly smile while pouring himself a triple whiskey, “and I have been off the piss for at least 3 hours, if that does not show that I am repenting, what will. Please Holy, let herpes know that I am really sorry and tell him that I have been off the piss for 3 hours, that will impress him.” I felt sorry for this remorseful creature life has treated him badly. His wife left him after 30 years, if she could endure 30 years with this obnoxious drunkard, why not another 30 years? I never will understand women.
Sorry, sorry fellow hashers, that I used most of this week’s sheet for Bolties apology.
Dr. Jerker’s emergency run
Emergency Doktor Jerker, did an excellent job. One of the better runs, at least
among the top 5 runs of the last 12 months. We have started from this point
before, but jerker made very well use of the area and his run was incomparable
with any former run we had from this location. But also his creativity was
excellent, we all got an award certificate. Proudly most of the hashers paraded
their award. For Elephant Man it was even the first certificate he ever
received in his life and he immediately ran to his car to grab his cellphone
and called his 93 year old mother back in the U.K., he told me that his mum was
very proud and moved to tears. Thanks again Doktor Jerker. When our Doktor had
to sing his hare song, it was one of the more hilarious songs and he wrote it
in the car coming to the site. Jerker told me that his secret is, that
everything what he does fast he does good, but as soon it requires some extra
work he fucks up.
The circle
“Bolt-1-on-Ice”, no not a new name for our voluptuous friend, but
Herpes started the circle by putting this regretfull person on ice for his
heinous crime of insulting the HM. Herpes also confided that no hasher will be
put on ice anymore only for being stupid, because the costs of ice (and beer)
have gone up. Stupidity is so commonplace, that this would require too much
ice. Holy Joop (as usual the life of the circle) painfully discovered this,
when he tried to tell a Joke which only could be understood by persons with an
IQ of at least 69. Nobody laughed. So I will tell the Joke here again, so you
can ask your more intelligent neighbour to explain it to you (might take a full
weekend).
Here goes Holy’s joke:
“O’Furnicator tries to chat up a mute girl in the bar, which turned out a very
single sided communication. Slowly O’Furni starts to get bored, until the girl
grabs a pen and makes a drawing of a big bed. She smiles at him and points to
him, to herself and to the bed and invitingly nods her head while looking
O’Furni deep in his eyes. Now O’Furni starts to smile and says to the girl:
“You are very smart, you are right - while pointing at the bed on the drawing -
how did you know that I am in the furniture business?”
There were complaints about Jonessy, that he took to many “Mug-shots” so no faces could be seen in the year-book. I don’t see what is wrong with this, but I have an idea, why can we not paint faces on the bottom of the mugs? In the meantime the announcements rattled on, it was already 19.47, B-1-on, asked again poor hashers to throw money away for an add in the Yearbook. Herpes rightfully asked him, why he did not approach other companies outside the hash, because now 8 hahsers are paying the Y-Book for all the others. Bolty replied, that he already approached 2 of these companies, Shell and the Shangri-Lah. Shell promised Rp. 10 million if Bolty would NOT place an add for Shell in the Y-Book and Shagri-Lah did not answer his fax.
Crusty nuts used this farewell evening by singing a beautiful and sensitive song about the S&M man. It was not only very poetic but one could also learn from it, like to connect jumper cables to the tits of your unmentionable, mount her and connect the electricity. By doing this she makes all the necessary (and even more) moves so we lazy hashers don’t have to do anything. I tried this at home, but learned one painfull lesson. Moisture conducts electricity, so I too had to make all these tiresome moves. Crusty nuts forget to tell us, that you have to use an isolating condom to really enjoy this.
Celebrations
It was a night full of milestones, what happened:
1) Pitstop was leaving again (is there a hash rule about how
often one can leave, this Pitstop fellow has already room full of leaver mugs.
2) Crusty nuts also left to Houston and he promised not to
return.
3) Gay Gordon got his 50-run T-shirt, and the seldom granted
honor of the 20 mile walk over his shirt.
4) Holy Joop was writing his 10th Hash sheet. No not of this
years’ Hash (that would be too much). No from his career (combining 4 years as
scribe. What an achievement, many hashers asked him for a signed hard copy of
his 10th sheet. But he has sold the rights already to Hollywood. But you can
still see the movie in the future.
This will silence the critics of our beloved scribe Holy Joop. There are some real vicious critics among them. Has anybody read last weeks sheet, scribbled by Rabeye, where he had the audacity to call Holy Joop a “Lazy Cloggy Cunt” (Note: "HM, this is a Heinous crime!!!, do something about this"). This Rabeye who himself was toolazy to write down the run directions in his sheet. One would say Rabeyes sheet was not badly written. Yes, but nobody realizes that he asked Holy for advice and has faxed a draft for corrections to holy more than 5 times.
But enough about this self promoting Rabeye, who could take a lesson of two from our humble Holy Joop. The favorite of many people to become next years’ hash master. But this humble person has declined to be even nominated, telling that he wants to back Superbrat for the job, who certainly will do a super job. Yes election time is coming close. Some even mentioned B-1-on for the position, not that they think that he has any talent, no Bolty always pisses off early (6.40 is already very late for him) so with Bolty as HM, the announcements will never pass 6.40, which is of course a valid point of these Bolty backers.
On, on, on - Holy Joop
ANNOUNCEMENTS
23rd to 26 rd march JHHH 30th
Anniversary celebrations
Feb 22, JHHH Golf tournament, Halim course, contact Jonesy,
March 4, Bali triathlon, contact Mudguard
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