Jakarta Hash House Harriers
Scribe
Sheet Run 1708
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WEEK's Run : See bottom of sheet.
Run # 1708. Hare / Co-Hare Tarzan & Miss Piggy. Location : Satelindo Golf Course
The Bride was Miss Piggy, that large "French" guy from Bunkie, Loo-easy-ana. With an accent like that you'd expect him to wear a sheet and a pointy hat in the circle. The smiling groom was our dear Tarzan, who likes to initiate aspiring hares. But the happy couple had to put their conjugal plans (and their own arses) on ice while Hash Master deliberated.
The run was from a new location, right next to Satelindo Golf course. The entire run was on new territory. Unmapped land that only a transmigrasi official would have known of. A good start. But, for the third time in as many months the hounds were stumped within five minutes by strange markings. A circle with an x.. is it a check around or a check back? Or both? Or neither? Certain hashers who will remain nameless like Konkrete Kock, take these things far too seriously. A circle or an x or any combination of the two simply means that the next piece of paper is probably not in front of your face and you might have to use a little bit of intteligence and energy to find out where it might be. Is that my imagination or is the background of this email flashing nude pictures? Anyway, the combined intelligence of 35 hounds was enough to eventually find the next piece of paper, and we were on our way. And, as if to prove that the keen of mind will win over the fleet foot every time, we find Jonesy and Magic Dragon at the front of the pack at the furthest point of the run. Konkrete Kock pissed and moaned about the paper and the funny signs. Klark Kunt thought the run to be excellent training for downhill skiing (as distinct from uphill skiing, I suppose). Mudguard thought it an excellent run, as did pretty boy, and Jonesy was happy until the fron runners caught up with him. There were more comments but by this time the scribe was struggling with a pen in one hand, paper in another, beer in yet another, a digital camera (with dead battery) in yet another and finally an umbrella in the other hand. Final Hash Master verdict was an EXCELLENT RUN. Actually that is what he intended to say but when he opened his mouth the words came out as "a good run not fucked up".
Jewish lightning was blamed for the fire in Inspektor Gadget's orifice, but still under suspicion, and conspicuous due to his absence, was Mark "MATCHES" Manderson, of Allied Pitchforks Removals. Speaking of Inspektor Gadgets orifice, it was reported in a previous sheet that he had recently given birth to a baby boy in Singapore. The proctologist / gynaecologist involved has been keeping the baby under close supervision for the past two weeks, and has finally concluded that it is not in fact a baby, and that he had accidentally removed Insp. gadget's liver. Insp Gadget has now returned to Singapore to have his liver reinserted via his orifice (not the one that went on fire). His orifice was not available for comment. (On a more serious note, for a change, Inspector Gadget has in fact returned to Singapore and is being treated for pericarditis - an inflammation of the tissue containing the heart). And Next Weeks run is at Sirkuit Sentul. It is a Point to point, I repeat it is a point to point and the hares (Postponed, Itchy Kok, & Yoshi) advise that you bring a flashlight as it might be a "velly rong" run. I repeat, bring a flashlight.
Konkrete stepped in as RA only to be told that he was suspended from active duties pending an investigation into his non-payment of fees. He changed into a towel (good trick) to enjoy his stay on ice while the investigation was ongoing. Meanwhile Miss Piggy and Tarzan are still on ice and that stupid flashing picture is driving me crazy.
Hardcase made an announcement that he has an apartment for rent in Puri Casablanca. Cheap La. Contact Hardcase at jacobite@optusnet.com.au
Herpes was called in to explain to us all about last years yirbuk. "Since zis is already zis year, it iz obvious zat ze yeerbuk vill be late", he said. But, he added, "ze gut newz is zat Bolt-Vun-On has all ze money". How, exactly is that good news, ex-hash master? And when shall we get ze buk??
By now the hares were on their feet and smiling again. Until we asked miss piggy to sing. Sing? What do you mean sing? Isn't it enough that I set you this beautiful run, and will supply you ungrateful bastards with free makan and bir at the OnOnOn??? You want me to sing?? So, miss Piggy did not sing, and was back on the ice. Tarzan smugly pulled out his own song and started to sing "Indonesia my lovely country, I will never forsake you, and I'm willing to protect you , forever will proclaim your name..."etc.
He claims to have written this and, if true, it may well be song of the year. Or not. Encouraged by the rapturous response to his song, and intent on keeping his bride on the ice a little longer, he continued to tell a long story about a man from Irian banging on Tarzan's boss' desk with his penis sheath and demanding payment from the department of transmigrasi for some tree house in the jungle. Finally, Miss Piggy could drag his soggy arse off the ice.
10 run shirts for Abi (brother of Pearly Kok) and Rudi. 350 run shirt and mug for Skinhead. He sang that Neo Nazi propoganda song from "The sound of music". More ice. Dripper offered some sorry excuse for Man United almost being beaten by the Thailand Transvestite Team, annd Tom Jones' Batak Driver was given a down down for inappropriate use of an umbrella.
Hamzah Hash was present in his new capacity as president of vice. What a great job to have in a country like this. So much vice to preside over. We wish him all the breast.
Herpes stepped in as RA at 7:45 after Konkete had to run and catch a plane to Singapore to check whether or not it was true that his new baby was in fact Lewis' liver.
Hats off and piss on the floor and then off to the wedding reception at Miss Piggy's place for food and beer. Food catered by Para Para, everything sponsored by Miss Piggy. Now, most hashers would be happy if your driver had the ingenuity to stuff your trunk full of cold beers to enjoy after the hash. Miss Piggy, however, was not impressed by his drivers generous act, and proceeded to open a can of whoop-ass on him for this heinous crime. As we sat and enjoyed our delicious (and did I mention free?) makan, and cold beers, Miss Piggy carved a new arsehole for his driver who had had the common sense to bring the nicely chilled beers, since the BirTruk guys had declined to do so. Maybe Miss Piggy was afraid the beer might spill on his white sheet and pointy hat...
Thanks to Miss Piggy (and his driver) for the beer and makan!
If you just scrolled to the bottom to find next weeks run directions, go look for it you lazy bastard. It's in the sheet.
PrettyBoy
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